Lonely Days and Dark Nights
by PieceOfShit96
Summary: Some experimental Cutter/Otis smut.
1. Chapter 1

Cutter couldn't resist it anymore.

This kid was a fucking cock tease and he didn't even know it.

Now, Cutter didn't usually swing to the same sex, but there were times where he had experimented and it had been fun. And dammit, he wanted this lanky albino in the worst kind of way.

He loved to see the way his eyes lit up when he complimented his artwork. How his cheeks bunched up on the rare occasions he got to see a genuine smile out of him. He was a gorgeous masterpiece of a human being, white hair cascading down his back, muscles rippling through his tank top that didn't quite fit the right way anymore since he had become healthy under their care.

The clown licked his lips. He was going to get what he wanted.

He stood in the doorway, watching the younger man work. His brow was furrowed in concentration as he worked the clay he had placed on the corpse, biting the inside of his lip. He had a pencil and a pen stuck behind his ear, a small pick-like tool in his hand.

Otis bristled when Cutter laid a hand on his shoulder. He still wasn't used to not being battered when someone touched him.

"How's it comin'?"

"Er...alright."

"Looks better'n alright to me."

Otis glanced over his shoulder at him. "You think?"

Cutter placed a hand on the back of Otis's neck, letting his thumb rub small circles in the flesh. Goosebumps rose on Otis's arms, and his face reddened. Dammit, he hadn't expected that reaction. Any kind of affection just felt so fucking good to him, he couldn't help the way his body reacted. He had been so starved for so long. It was all he had wanted his whole life.

"Yeah. What do you think is wrong with it?"

Otis shrugged. "I can't get this to look right to me." He gestured to the area he was working on.

"Well, why don't you take a break and come back to it? Maybe your hands need a rest, huh?"

"...Alright." Otis stood, feeling Cutter's massive hand in the small of his back for an instant. He flinched away.

"Hey, what's that for? What'd I do?"

"Ah...Nothin'...Just..." Otis rubbed the back of his neck where Cutter's hand had been. He wanted these touches, but he wasn't sure about the source.

"Did I spook you, kid?"

"Nn...Kinda..."

"Why?" Cutter smirked, wrapping his arm around the albino's waist. "Don't you want some sweetness? Huh?"

Otis's face turned bright red at Cutter's advances.

"I saw the way you reacted to my hand on your neck. Can't hide shit from me, Otis." He pulled the younger man against him. Otis yelped in surprise. "Your face looks like a stop light." He pushed Otis's hair to one shoulder, as he began to tremble.

"F...Fuck...W...what...What're you doing?"

"Hey, relax...Don't you trust me?"

Otis swallowed heavily. He felt the question was loaded, and no matter what the answer, danger would come.

Cutter placed a hand on either of Otis's hips and pushed him against the wall.

"Sh...Sh...Shit..." Otis whimpered, outright shaking. "D-D-Don't...D-Don't d-do...This..."

"Hey, relax...I just wanna make you feel good." Resting his palm on Otis's collarbone and resting his thumb on Otis's chin, Cutter turned his head away gently.

"G-g-god p-please...p-please..."

"Just relax...Don't mean nothin'. Just wanna make you feel good." Cutter began to kiss his neck, starting softly at first. Otis tensed and flinched away, but Cutter had him trapped. He slowly began to relax, gasping and squirming in pleasure, even letting out a low groan when Cutter hit just the right spot. He let his hands roam Otis's torso, eliciting another moan and pleasured sigh.

He noticed something coming up between the two of them, and felt Otis fidgeting with his shirt, trying to pull it down over his erection.

Cutter chuckled against Otis's neck. "You think that's gonna hide it?"

"Nn..."

Cutter fisted the white locks, pulling his head to the other side. Otis clawed at him at first, alarmed, but gave in to the pleasure once more. Cutter chuckled. "You like that, huh?"

No vocal response, only a shudder.

"You're not very hard to please, are ya?" He muttered between kisses. Otis whimpered in response.

Neither of them mentioned the incident, but it recurred almost daily for a few weeks. It was always Cutter treating Otis. Never the other way around. The older man knew if he wanted to get what he wanted, he would have to gain his trust.

Otis sat in the back room, working on another sculpture. His hair was carelessly tossed into a hair tie, trying to keep it out of his face while he worked. Cutter approached him slowly, going without detection until he pulled the knot from Otis's hair, letting the white strands fall into his face.

"Ack! Hey!" He shoved his fingers through it, pushing it away from his face once more. He stood abruptly. "What?"

Cutter pulled him away from his work and pinned him again, kissing down his neck like he always did. Otis seemed to be really enjoying it, Cutter noted, being much more vocal than he usually was, moaning loudly and clawing at the older man's back. Cutter couldn't take any more.

"Hey, You trust me?"

Though Otis looked hesitant, Cutter threw him over his shoulder and carried him to the bed he kept for nights when he was too tired to drive home, and threw him down on it.

Otis's eyes went wide and he began to tremble yet again.

"Hey, relax. All you have to do is tell me to stop, and I will. Okay?"

Otis's mind whirled. Sex? With Cutter? All this time he had said it was just to make him feel good...And Otis could use a little release. Alright. He would try. Fuck it.

Cutter pulled Otis's shirt over his head, revealing the musculature underneath. "Damn...What a work of art." He felt Otis's face grow hot as he kissed his neck, beginning to pull his pants off. Otis was too distracted by the pleasure of Cutter's scratchy beard and hot kisses to notice he was the first one naked.

Cutter kicked off his pants and flipped Otis's legs up on to his shoulders. Suddenly, the albino tensed, fear etching his features. He began to breathe rapidly.

"Relax...Relax. It won't hurt if you relax."

Fuck, how did it get like this? Otis wondered. How did I let it get this far?

"Remember, I said. If you want me to stop, just tell me."

Fuck it. Otis nodded, swallowing heavily.

"Hey, don't shake...Don't be so scared." Cutter could feel Otis trembling beneath him. He caressed his cheek with one bear-paw like hand. "Just close your eyes and enjoy it. I promise I won't hurt you."

Otis closed his eyes, tilting his head back. Cutter began to kiss his neck, making Otis sigh in pleasure and relax in his arms.

Otis felt a sensation all too familiar from his childhood, and clawed at Cutter's back. "A...AH! FUCK! STOP!...STOP!" Memories rushed back to him as white hot pain went through him. He began to shake. Cutter ignored him, beginning to start a rhythm. "STOP! CUTTER! STOP! STOP...S...Stop...Nnnn..."

Cutter felt Otis relax again.

God, to see that white hair splayed out underneath him, his face contorted in what Cutter would assume was pleasure and slight pain that came with this. His lips parted slightly and a small groan reaching his ears. Oh, yeah. All that toying was worth it.

While he was usually extremely vocal, he didn't want to startle him, so Cutter kept his mouth shut. As he was getting close, he felt Otis tense beneath him again.

They both cried out at the same time, Otis grappling for something to cling on to, settling for digging his fingers into Cutter's flesh.

Once they had both cleaned themselves up, Cutter returned to find Otis dozing in the bed. He had gotten re-dressed, and was spread out on the bed, one arm across his stomach and the other by his head, hair still splayed on the pillow. God, he looked like an angel.

"Hey, whitey. Move over."

"Mm...?" Without thinking, Otis rolled onto his side. Cutter crawled into the bed, wrapping his arms around the younger man's thin frame. Otis startled, trying to wriggle away, but Cutter had a grip on him.

"Shhh. Relax. Isn't affection all you've ever wanted?"

Otis glanced up at the clown's face. There was no malice behind his words. Trying to settle his pounding heart, Otis settled, head buried in the older man's shoulder.

"There. See? You're alright."

Otis lay curled up to him, confused as hell. Why? Why the advances on him? Why had he let it happen? Hell, why had he _enjoyed_ it? Why had it felt so damn good? What did the older man want from him? Would it happen again? Would he LET it happen again?

Lulled by the warmth and comfort of the older man, Otis dozed off once more.

Days passed without another instance. But finally, Cutter was ready again.

Otis was standing, circling his work like a predator. Cutter grabbed him and threw him against the wall, picking him up slightly. He yelped in terror and fought against him until he realized what was happening. He wrapped his legs around the rotund waist, letting Cutter do as he pleased.

Cutter kissed Otis's jaw line, leading toward his lips. Otis abruptly pulled away, breathless.

"What?"

"Thought you said it was just about feelin' good."

"...Yeah?"

"I...I don't..."

"Otis, this whole situation is so far from the norm for either one of us, you really gonna fuss now?"

"I...But..."

"Yeah, well you do now." Cutter all but head-butted Otis as he kissed him, forcing his tongue into his mouth. His head smacked against the wall behind him, and he whimpered in protest. He could feel his lips begin to bruise.

"S...Stop..." He whimpered against Cutter's mouth, beginning to tremble. God, he hated how he always shook.

Cutter pulled away, licking his lips. "Hey, it's okay...You're alright."

Otis knew it was foolish, childish, even. But through it all, he had held on to the innocence that his first kiss would be something special. Romantic, with someone who really loved him. Not like this. Not sloppy and horny and hot. He knew it was stupid. But somehow, that one little piece of innocence he had left had survived all the hell he had been through. Now it, too, was taken.

Fuck it. He knew it was stupid. Why hang on to it?

His heart panged at the last loss of innocence, but he pushed the emotion down in lieu of the pleasure to follow.


	2. Chapter 2

Cutter had finally gotten what he wanted. Now, any time he had an itch, he went to Otis.

Otis was usually willing to oblige, more than happy to receive the affection that always came after. He craved it, desperately. He had never received any kind in his life. Warm, soft touches that didn't have force behind them were a whole new beast to him. He knew it was against his better judgement. He certainly wasn't romantically involved with Cutter at all. It was just a means to get to orgasm and receive the love he so desperately pined for his whole life.

Love. God, he wanted it so badly. He wanted someone to say those three words to him and have them really, truly mean it. No sarcasm, no malice, no ifs. He had been told since he could remember that he would never receive that heartfelt gift. That no one could ever bring themselves to love a freak like him. That no one would ever treasure him.

Otis had learned that the quicker he gave in to whatever Cutter wanted, the quicker he got what he wanted. He had stifled that old childhood understanding that you only kissed people you loved; instead, he let Cutter's tongue explore his mouth as he pleased. He had never been kissed, either. His parents had only needed him for a play thing; didn't care about him at all. Fuckers didn't even name him. All they had wanted was something to hit and fuck.

He was standing, sculpting a horse face onto a human head, brows knit in concentration and anxiety. What if he couldn't get this to work? He'd be pissed. He had plans for this one.

Strong arms wrapped around his waist and he gasped.

"Relax. It's me." Cutter spun him around playfully. Otis couldn't help the smile that graced his face or the laugh that escaped his throat. Though their relationship was far from traditional, Cutter reminded him of much younger days, when he would look out his window and see fathers spinning their children like he just had.

"Need a break?"

"D...Do you _want_ me to need one?"

"Yes." Cutter threw Otis against the wall, his feet inches from the ground. Otis, as if on cue, wrapped his legs around the clown's torso. He began kissing his neck, tossing the white locks to the side. "Mmm...you gonna moan for me? Come on. I know you like it."

"Nnn..." Otis rarely vocalized his pleasure. Having a survival instinct to stay quiet during sexual acts was hard to shake.

"Come on. Show me you like it. Moan for me..." His lips traveled to the spot he knew would get a reaction out of Otis.

Otis gasped, letting out a small whine.

"Louder." Cutter's hands traveled up Otis's torso.

"Nnnnnn..." The low groan came easily this time.

Cutter claimed Otis's lips. The younger man had shaven today, so Cutter could fully put it out of his mind who it was he was fucking. He had to admit, he enjoyed taking advantage of Otis. He was certainly not unattractive- even someone who was heterosexual, as he considered himself, could see that. Sure he was having sex with a male regularly, but it was just to get off.

Otis's lips hurt with Cutter's brutish kisses. He knew it was wrong, but _god_ he needed that sacred piece of his life that had been missing that came after he had pleased Cutter.

Cutter was always so gentle with him. They both knew it wasn't the ideal situation for either of them, but they both got something they wanted out of it. Cutter wanted to feel close to someone again. He desperately craved Eve's love that had been missing for months now. God, he missed her. The mother of his daughter, Baby...That was the only woman he had ever truly loved. And he had fucked that up, too. So now here he was, fucking the brains out of this poor albino drifter that had wandered into his shop when he weighed 90-some pounds at six foot.

After they had cleaned up, came the part that Otis needed.

God, those caresses had become a drug to him. He needed them. Their absence haunted him in the middle of the night when he woke up in a sweat from a night terror of his parents' abuse. He craved the affection- the positive attention. The attention was another aspect Otis loved. Someone paying attention to him, without brutalizing him, without hitting him or spouting hateful words at him, just holding him. Feeling the warmth of another body against his. Being called a 'work of art' instead of 'the son of satan' or a 'fucking freak'. Though he knew it was to Cutter's benefit, he couldn't help but feel a boost in confidence when the sweet nothings where murmured.

Cutter sat back down on the bed, pulling Otis against him. "Come here..."

Goosebumps raised on Otis's skin at the contact as Cutter stroked his back. God, it felt like he was high. He was addicted to this. And would do anything to get it. Even subject himself to the same kind of actions he vowed he would never let happen again. But hey, at least it was consensual this time.

A few days passed. Otis worked diligently on his sculptures, waiting for an opportune moment to get that drug he craved so much. He longed to feel arms around him.

Cutter seemed to be in a foul mood that day, roughly chopping the heads off the chickens before he prepared them for the fryer.

Otis kept to himself, working in the back. The door finally slammed open and he jumped. Before he had time to register his presence, Cutter had roughly thrown him against the wall.

"Nn!" He protested. squirming.

"Fuckin' stay still."

His tone was different, but Otis complied. He would have his light at the end of the tunnel.

Cutter was rough this time, biting down Otis's neck instead of the sweet, sultry kisses.

"O...Ow..."

"Shut up." Cutter threw him on the bed, and Otis stared back wide-eyed. Something was wrong. This was different. Completely different. This is what he had feared.

Cutter took his belt out of the loops, holding it threateningly. "Take your fuckin' clothes off or I'll make more than your ass bleed, boy."

"C...Cutter...w...why-" He was cut off by a sharp snap of the belt across his chest. He cried out in pain and surprise.

"NOW!"

Otis hastily undressed, yelping again when Cutter crawled on top of him quickly, aggressively.

"Y...Y...You're...R...Really s...scaring me..."

"Aw, poor baby." Cutter mocked, jerking Otis by the hair to bite down on the other side of his neck until he tasted the copper tinge of blood.

Otis shook violently, trying to sort out what the fuck was going on.

"What'sa matter?"

"Y...You...This...This isn't...This isn't..."

"The same? No shit, moron."

"I...I don't...I don't want this. S...Stop...I...I don't like it this way."

"I don't fuckin' care what you like and what you don't!"

Otis tried desperately to fight his way away from the clown, but Cutter was much bigger. He tied Otis's hands with the belt, securing them around the bed post.

Tears rolled down Otis's face. He continued to shake. God, he had never meant for this to happen.

He screamed in pain as Cutter plummeted into him. He tried to squirm away, to no avail. "STOP! THIS HURTS! STOP! GOD, PLEASE! PLEASE, YOU PROMISED ME!"

Cutter reached up with one bear-paw like hand and covered Otis's mouth. Cutter tried desperately not to be vocal most times, because he knew it would scare the boy. But he didn't care now.

"Ohhhh, give it to me you fuckin' whore. Oh you little slut! Oh your sweet little ass is so tight!"

Otis began to shake harder. Loud noises were never fun for him, but these sickening, vile words being screamed were a complete other beast. Knowing he was defeated, Otis retreated into his mind to try and block it out.

"You fuckin' little slut! Yeaaaahhh!"

No cuddling. No warm caresses. When Cutter had set him free, he clamored under the bed, shaking and sobbing. Cutter walked back into the shop, careless of the damage he had caused.

Otis was normally quiet, but he was absolutely silent after that; borderline catatonic. Instead of sleeping at night, he lay awake and shook. He had let it happen again. He had given himself over to the assault. It was his fault.

Cutter ignored him, moving on to a blonde floosy he had discovered in a bar somewhere.

Otis still desperately craved the affection as he had before, but every touch was now flinched away from. Not that Cutter had tried to show him any affection after the last time, but even just trying to get Otis's attention, he flinched wildly, backing away from the larger man.

He noticed Otis slowly dropping weight again. Eve would have his ass if she found out he had known and didn't do anything.

"Hey, kid...You eatin'?"

Otis nodded.

"Okay. You keeping it down?"

He simply stared back at him.

"Jesus, Otis...Why? Why're you doing that to yourself again?"

Otis began to shake again. He was nervous now, any time he had to be alone in an enclosed space with Cutter. It had taken weeks to gain his trust, and only seconds to shatter it. "Th...Th...The b...bigger the cushion...Th...The sweeter the p...pushin'..."

"Yeah, I always say that. What about it." The idea clicked in his head. "Ohhhh. You're makin' yourself thinner so I won't want you?"

Otis's face reddened. He nodded.

"Don't worry. I found another piece of ass."

Finally gaining courage, Otis spoke once more. "Why..."

"Why what?"

Otis stared back, glancing away for a moment, embarrassed.

"Why not with you anymore?" He scoffed. "You're too much of a needy mother fucker. God DAMN you're so fucking needy. All I wanted was to get off, but you...You had to be cuddled and coddled and snuggled and fondled all over. Fuck THAT! I want to fuck and be done with it. None of your...cuddly-ass bullshit. Lanky mother fucker, anyhow. You're too fuckin' needy."

Tears of shame and hate rolled down Otis's face. He knew it would end, but god, it didn't have to hurt so much.


	3. Chapter 3

He may have moved on quickly, but God did Cutter regret the way he had abused that poor boy.

Every time he moved too quickly, Otis would start shaking and try to get away from him, as far away from him as possible. It was an amazing transition, he mused. How he had craved his caresses and touches, would do anything he had to to get them, and now shook when he was in the same room as the clown.

He noticed him wasting away. Was he really doing it just so that Cutter wouldn't want him? Or was he punishing himself?

Either way, he swooned at the counter, stumbling over himself.

"Hey, whoa. You okay, kid?"

Otis tried to flinch away, but Cutter had one strong hand on either upper arm, keeping him upright.

"Hey, calm down."

"I'm fine...I'm fine...Let me go."

Cutter released him, watching him clamor for the counter to stay upright until he could get his knees to work again.

"The fuck are you doin' to yourself, kid?"

Otis glared defiantly at him. Ah, there was that spark that Cutter thought he had fucked out of him.

"The _fuck_ do you care?" The albino spat.

"Just wanna make sure you're alright."

"Yeah, like fuck you do. You fuckin' bastard."

Even struggling to stand, Otis was a rattlesnake.

Cutter let it go, walking away for the moment.

Otis was starving himself, that was true. But it wasn't just to make himself less attractive to Cutter. He was punishing himself for being so stupid. How could he have thought anyone could show affection to him? How could he think that Cutter actually cared about him? How could he have been so fucking stupid. A man like Cutter only wanted sex. That was it. There were no real feelings behind his actions. No matter what meaning Otis had put to it, it was wrong. And he had fucking believed it.

The next day, Otis didn't show up to work. Cutter called the house, getting no answer. Begrudgingly, he drove to the farm.

Baby answered the door. "Daddy!" She pulled him into a hug.

"Hey, babygirl." He squeezed her, then pulled away. "Where's Otis?"

"He's upstairs...Ain't doin' too well."

"Yeah. I figured that. He wasn't yesterday, neither."

"He passed out in the shower this morning...He ain't eating nothin' again...Don't know what he's going through, but it's somethin'."

"Mmm...He awake?"

"Lemme go see. Come on." He followed Baby up the steps, peering through the crack left open to Otis's bedroom. Otis lay in bed, an IV hooked up to him. Hugo must have gotten him straightened out, Cutter reasoned.

For the first time in a while, Cutter really looked at him. He looked exhausted, dark circles under his eyes, paler than usual. He had dropped a good 15 pounds, beginning to look skeletal once again.

Baby stroked his hair out of his face, and Otis startled. "Shhh, just me. You need anything?"

"No..."

"I'm gonna go get some chicken soup from that place down town you like. That sound good to you?"

"I...I'm...Okay...Really..."

"Otis. Stop it. If I get that, will you eat it?"

"I...Y...You don't have to go down town-"

"I gotta go grocery shoppin' anyway. You ain't puttin' me out none."

"O...Okay..."

"Think you can keep that down?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay. Good. I'll see you later, okay?" Kissing his head, Baby left.

Cutter stepped into the room, stroking Otis's hair. His eyes were closed, trying to rest once more.

"I'm fine, Baby."

"Ain't Baby."

Otis's eyes flew open and he sat up abruptly, throwing himself into the corner.

"Shhhh...Hey..." He sat down in the chair next to Otis's bed. He moved to touch him, but Otis flinched.

"F...Fuck...Fuck why are you here?"

"Relax, relax...I was worried about you. You didn't show up to work today."

Otis stared back at him, red eyes wide with fear. He was trembling, but Cutter wasn't sure if that was from fear or the stress he was putting on his body.

"Hey...Calm down. Calm down. I ain't gonna hurt you." Cutter sighed. "Otis...Listen to me."

"I don't like being alone with you. Get out. I don't fucking trust you. You're gonna...You're gonna do the same shit to me..."

"No, I'm not. That's what I want to talk to you about."

Otis gulped, still keeping himself in the corner. He stared apprehensively back at Cutter.

"I should have never done that to you. Ever. I...You trusted me. I know you did. And I betrayed you."

"W...Why...Why did you do it...Why did you treat me like that...?"

Cutter sighed. "Listen..."

"I am fucking listening." His red eyes glowered with fire. He wasn't sure if he was more furious with himself or the clown, but the anger was there, nonetheless.

"I got scared."

"W _hat?"_ Otis spat.

"I...I knew I would push you away that way. I...I needed to get you out of my head. And you...Having that with you wasn't helping. At all."

Otis squinted back, confused.

"I started to have feelings for you, kid. And it scared the hell out of me. I...I didn't know what to do. That's not me...I...But those feelings were there...So...Instead of dealing with them, I pushed them down. I knew if I scared the hell out of you, you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. So I did." He sighed. "God, I never want to hear you scream like that again...Or make you cry...I...I know I hurt you...And I'm so, so sorry..."

Otis's mind whirled and his heart pounded. Those words couldn't be true. They couldn't be. "W...Why are you telling me this?"

"Because I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, Otis...God, I wish I had never done that. Because I still can't get you out of my head."

"W...What?"

"I still want you. I don't fuckin' know why. Only been with women my whole life. Still like 'em. But I want you."

Otis swallowed heavily again.

"You...You uh...You gonna give me another chance...?"

He paused. Was it worth it? Would Cutter hurt him again? Though, if he was going to, why would he have told Otis all that he had, spilled his guts like he had? He would have just taken him then and there. Wouldn't go through all that elaboration.

And God, Otis wanted that affection. He couldn't deny that he had been comfortable with him. Even the sex wasn't horrible- in fact, if he was being honest, he had enjoyed it.

Otis nodded hesitantly.

Cutter smiled softly, leaning closer to him. Otis began to tremble. "Shhhh...You're alright. It's me." He tucked a strand of those white locks behind his ear.

Otis shook, sputtering as Cutter moved to lean over him.

"Shhh..." He claimed Otis's lips softly; not in the brutish way he had before. Supporting his weight with one hand, he let his other travel down Otis's torso. The albino jerked as Cutter began stroking him through the thin flannel pants he wore to sleep in, moaning against the older man's lips. "Don't get yourself too riled up. You're a little weak for that, I think." He broke away from him, sitting back down in the chair beside the bed. Otis was red faced, breathless. "You need to rest today."

"I can come in. If you need me."

He shook his head. "I have Ravelli watchin' over the shop for now. He can manage it."

"Mm..." Otis grunted. Cutter stroked his hair once more, and Otis grimaced, pulling away. "Ow..."

"Must've whacked your head in the shower."

"Must've..."

"Hey...Come here." Cutter crawled onto the bed with Otis, who cocked his head questioningly. Cutter pulled the smaller man into his lap, cradling him. "Jesus, you're cold."

"Mm..." Otis trembled slightly, unsure of the situation.

"Shhhh...Just relax. Go to sleep. I've got you."

Goosebumps rose on Otis's skin. The contact dulled a gnawing in the back of his mind, a dull ache that longed to be loved. He was confused by it, however. Cutter had done a complete 180 in the time he had visited. But maybe he had let go and was allowing himself to be who he truly felt he was- to show Otis that he cared.

Cutter drew his fingers over Otis's arm, and he shuddered, pulling his blanket up over his shoulder.

The clown chuckled. "Don't you like that?"

"Mm." Otis curled up into the larger man's warmth, allowing himself to doze.

After a while, Cutter noticed Otis fidgeting.

"Hey, shhh..." He soothed, but Otis was sound asleep.

"No...No...Stop...Don't...Don't..." He whimpered. "Please..."

"Whitey?"

"Please...I'll be good...No...NO! NO! STOP!" With a petrified scream, Otis jolted awake, trying to fight his way out of Cutter's arms.

"Hey, hey, hey...Shhh it's me. It's just me. No one's hurtin' you. I've gotcha."

They both heard Baby crash through the door, and hurried to untangle themselves from each other.

Over the next few weeks, Otis slowly gained back his weight. Cutter had become his protector; and though he certainly didn't need protecting, it was nice to feel that someone cared enough. He fought away the demons that haunted Otis at night, kissed the night terrors away.

They had both agreed to keep their relationship a secret, and that they could both fuck around with whoever they please; so long as at the end of the day, they knew who the other belonged to.

"Woman came into the shop today. Your type." Cutter said as he watched Otis work.

"Yeah? What'd she look like?"

"Black hair, bout waist length. Real pretty thing. Had this bad-girl vibe about her."

"Didja keep her?"

"No."

"The fuck're you tellin' me about her for then?"

"See if I can get you riled up." He stood, grabbing Otis's ass. He squeaked and dropped his paint brush. Cutter pressed his lips to Otis's, picking him up.

As he threw him on the bed, Otis couldn't help the easy laugh that passed his lips.

It certainly wasn't conventional, but God he loved to feel loved.


	4. Chapter 4

God, Cutter loved to make that kid smile.

He knew Otis hadn't had many reasons to smile in his life. So Cutter took every opportunity he had to elicit that crooked smile with that chipped front tooth.

Otis had been sitting, working on a sculpture for hours straight. Cutter wandered into the back, catching Otis wincing and rolling his shoulders back to release tension.

"You okay?" He asked, standing behind him.

"Yeah..."

"Why don't you take a break? You're hurtin'. I see that." Placing one hand on either side of Otis's neck, he began to rub circles into the tight muscles.

"I'm almost done..." He muttered, letting his head fall forward to give him better access.

"Yeah, but it'll be here tomorrow. Or later. Come on. It's not worth suffering over."

"Mmm..."

"Come on. You've got a bad back anyway. And you're tired."

"I'm good..."

Cutter snaked his fingers into either side of Otis's head, fingers entwining in the white locks, and scratched gently. He knew Otis's eyes would roll back in his head as he tilted his head back.

"Nnnnn..."

"Come on. A little break won't hurt you."

"Mm-hm..."

"You been workin' for hours."

"Mmmmm..."

He chuckled. "Feel good?"

"Mmmm-hmmmm..."

Cutter resisted the urge to pull away when his fingers grazed over one of the scars on Otis's head. His heart panged at the thought of what could have been done to him. "Come on. Let me treat you a little, huh?" Cutter took his hands away, taking Otis by the arm.

"Huh?"

"Let me treat you, I said." Cutter lead him to the bed. "Undress and lay down on your stomach."

Otis looked back at him warily.

"Come on, little angel." He left a soft kiss on Otis's lips. "Trust me..."

Otis obeyed, waiting anxiously. He stiffened when Cutter straddled him, but relaxed again when he felt the massive, warm hands begin to knead his aching muscles.

"Oh god..." He groaned. God, to be touched like this. He had had no idea what he was missing out on in his life. Maybe it was just him, because of his deprivation of affection, but this was ecstasy. Is this what being treated right was supposed to be?

Cutter began to sweat as he listened to the sounds underneath him. He was rock hard, and he couldn't take it anymore.

He had never seen Otis move more quickly than when he tried to take him from behind. He was glad that he had seen him move, because he narrowly avoided a strong kick from the now shaking albino.

"Hey! Whoa! What's wrong!?"

"NO...Not...Not like that..."

"What?"

"It's...It's always been...Y...You never treat me like that..."

"Like what? Hey, you're okay. You're okay...Come here..."

"G...Give me a minute..." Otis's chest heaved with breaths as he tried to calm himself down.

"Ok...Tell me what's wrong?"

"Y...Y...You always let me look at you...Y...You never..." His face reddened. "D...Dad...H...he always...Always did it that way...I...All I can think about...I...Is him...H...How scared I was...Y...You always let me look at you...D...Dad never did...I...I know it's you...a...and not him..."

"Okay. Okay. We don't ever have to do it that way, alright?"

Otis nodded.

"Your back still hurt?"

"No..."

"Liar." Cutter smiled. "Come on. Let me finish rubbin' you down."

"Y...You don't have to..."

"I know I don't. Come on. Turn back over."

As Otis flipped back over to lay on his stomach, Cutter couldn't help but marvel. He remembered a time when no one could touch Otis because he was too skittish, too scared. Scarred by the people that had laid cold hands on him before. Here he was, going limp in Cutter's strong hands and moaning in pleasure under his touches.

Victims became a problem for them.

Cutter walked in on Otis going to town on a girl, tied up and gagged, tears rolling down her face. Cutter couldn't help the jealousy the whirled in his gut. That was HIS Otis. Sure, they had an agreement of an open relationship, but Cutter couldn't help it.

He heard Otis moan loudly and knew he was finished. Apparently, Otis hadn't realized he was there. As he zipped himself up, he smiled hugely at Cutter. "Hey."

He grabbed the younger man, pulling him against him, and kissed him. Otis wrapped his arms around Cutter's neck. "You're _mine,_ little angel." Cutter growled.

"John..." Otis muttered.

"Hah." The boyfriend spat. Otis had abducted a couple, and the boyfriend had just watched Otis rape his girlfriend. "No wonder. Fuckin' freaks. Of course a freak like you, you ugly ass albino piece of fucking shit. No wonder he likes you. "Blood, violence, freaks of nature. You're a fucking freak of nature! That's all you are! He doesn't love you! You're a novelty to him! That's all you are! Freaks fucking freaks! Yeah, I bet he bends you over good, you fucking coward! You're his little bitch!"

"Otis..." Cutter sighed.

Otis growled and attacked the boyfriend. God, the way he looked when he was angry. Cutter felt himself growing hard, watching him brutally slaughter the boy.

When he was done, he stood, panting.

"You okay?"

"I know you don't love me. But it just hurts to be reminded."

"No...No, Otis...I..."

Otis abruptly looked over his shoulder in anticipation of what Cutter was about to say.

Cutter sighed. "I...Honestly?...I know you get all weird about it, but I think I do. And I know you do, too. So don't feel pressure to say it."

Otis looked away, head whirling.

"And don't you dare believe what he said, either."

"Huh?"

"You're not a freak, Otis. You are not a freak of nature. That's not why I lo..."

Otis looked at him, eyes lighting up, but also full of caution.

"Ok. That's not why you're special to me. You're so, so much more than that. And you certainly. Absolutely. Are not ugly."

Otis's face flushed. Cutter pushed him to the bed, stripping his shirt off and falling on him, kissing his chest. Otis gasped and squirmed, moaning in pleasure.

"God...You are so gorgeous...Mmm..."

"C...Cutter..." Otis groaned.

"What, little angel?" He muttered between kisses.

"H...haaaahhh..."

"That's what I thought."

Relaxing for a moment after their round, Cutter lit a cigarette, Otis beside him on the couch. The younger albino seemed nervous, even as Cutter pulled him close.

"What's wrong?"

"I...P...Please, please don't be mad..."

"Okay...?"

"But...I...I'm...a little curious about something."

"Go ahead."

"W...Well...W...What would you think of...Of me...B...being on top?"

"Hm?"

"P...please don't be mad..."

Cutter chuckled, stroking Otis's hair. "No, little angel. I'm not mad."

"W...Well...I...I just...I just wonder why...why my Dad got so much enjoyment out of it...Why...? I...I mean...Why do YOU like it?"

Cutter nodded. "Okay."

"I- Wait, what?"

"I said okay. I...I'll try."

Otis nodded.

"Just let me finish this cigarette. Ok?"

Otis blushed again. His heart pounded when Cutter outened the cigarette, following the older man to the bed.

Otis was slightly awkward, but God, he was ready. "R...Ready...?" He stammered.

"Do I ask you?"

"No..."

"Relax, Otis. It's just me."

"I...I just...I'm so afraid you'll be mad. Or you'll clock me..."

"I would never hit you, and if I don't like it it's my own fault."

Otis nodded.

Cutter wasn't expecting quite that much pain, but relaxed after a few of Otis's thrusts. His eyes ventured open to look at Otis's face. God, he was beautiful. White hair strewn to one side, a look of ecstasy written across his face. Cutter reached up and stroked his face, cupping one angular cheek. Otis moaned in response, leaning into the touch.

Otis collapsed on Cutter's chest as he moaned finally. They lay there for a moment, panting.

"Well?" Cutter ventured, trailing his fingers down Otis's spine.

Otis nodded into his chest. It was good.

"Hmmm. Yeah..." Cutter rolled onto his side with Otis. "But I hope you still like being bottom."

"Hn?"

"Because I still like being top!" Cutter pulled Otis under him, playfully growling. Otis laughed as Cutter peppered him with kisses. God, he loved to hear that laugh. Not acerbic and sarcastic. But true, easy laughter.

The next day, Baby came in to see Cutter, who was currently pinning Otis up against a wall and kissing him hungrily.

"Daddy?"

Cutter and Otis froze, looking at each other with panic in their eyes. Cutter dropped Otis, who crashed to the floor and grunted.

"Thanks, asshole." He grumbled.

"Make sure you get that white face paint off of you." He said as he walked out front.

He greeted Baby with a hug, spinning her around and squeezing her.

"I brought you lunch, Daddy! You and Otis!"

"Oh, that's so sweet of you Vera. You're a good girl."

"You gotta make sure Otis eats his, though. Don't want another spell..."

"No. I will."

Otis came from the back, wiping his hands on a towel. With utter horror, Cutter noticed the hickeys he had left on the alabaster skin.

"Hey, Otis."

"What's goin' on?"

"Brought you lunch. Heyyyyyy you get some action last night?"

"Hn?"

"You got some love bites there, tall white and handsome."

"Mmm. Yeah. Wasn't that good, though."

"Did you cum?"

"What?"

"If you did, it was good."

"Jesus, baby." Otis grimaced.

"I'm gonna hang around for a while, if that's okay. Just look around."

Cutter nodded. "I'm gonna help you with your artwork, Otis."

Otis tried desperately to hide the panic in his eyes. That was Cutter's code for 'I'm going to fuck your brains out'. But Baby was there. How would they hide?

They began, and Otis let a moan slip. He couldn't help it. It felt so damn good. Cutter placed a hand over his mouth, silencing him.

While panic rose in Otis, he couldn't help but be turned on by the secretive feel of it all.

If Baby suspected anything, she didn't let on.


	5. Chapter 5

Otis stayed working long into the night, about a pot and a half of coffee coursing through his veins.

He rubbed his face. Finally, he was done with this statue. But his mind was still buzzing with caffeine.

Cutter sat up on the bed when he saw Otis lean back. "You finally done?"

"Mm-hm."

"Looks great, Otis."

"Thanks..."

"You look like you're ready for bed."

Otis nodded. "But i'm also real awake..."

"Shouldn't have drank all that coffee, little angel."

"Mmm..."

"You can't drive home, can you?"

"No...Too dark."

"Why don't you come stay with me, huh?"

"Hn?"

"Come stay the night at my house."

"I...I..."

"Everyone will think you just stayed here. Or, if you came home to sleep at my place, they wouldn't think nothin' of it, either."

"O...Okay."

Cutter drove him to the small home he was staying in, taking him up to his bedroom, laying him down.

"Shhh...You're alright." He crawled on top of him, kissing him. "Hey...I know you're tired, but uh...You think I could see you on your knees?"

"Hn?" Otis cocked his head, then realized what Cutter had meant. "N...No...I...I...D...Dad u...used to..." He shook his head.

"Come on. Hey, I'll make a deal with you. I...I'll do it for you, and then you for me. If you don't like it, you can stop. Or don't you like that?"

"I...I don't know...I...I've never..."

Cutter pulled Otis to the edge of the bed so that his legs fell over it and pulled his pants off. "Well, Little Angel. Guess you'll find out."

Otis gasped, arching his back.

When Otis's turn, he seemed nervous. Cutter sat up, stroking his hair out of his face.

"I wanna watch."

Otis swallowed heavily. "G...God...this...This reminds me..."

Cutter tipped Otis's chin up to look at him. "It's just me. It's not him..."

Otis nodded, and Cutter fisted his hair as he began.

In the middle of the night, Otis sat bolt upright in his bed, screaming and trying to fight Cutter off.

"Shhhh...Relax. Relax. It's me."

"NO! NO! DON'T HURT ME!"

"No, no...I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not. Relax. Shhhhh...It's just me."

Otis shook, grabbing Cutter for something real to cling to.

"It's okay. It's okay." Cutter stroked Otis's hair, holding him close.

They must have eventually fallen asleep together once more, because when Cutter awoke, sunlight was filtering through the curtains.

He stood, wandering downstairs. He heard a soft knock at the door, as he put on a pot of coffee.

"Baby! What're you doing here?"

"Otis didn't come home last night. You know where he is?"

"Er...Yeah. He stayed here. He worked too late to drive home."

"Oh!" She trotted up the stairs.

Cutter's face went white. Otis was still asleep in his bed, white clown makeup all over his neck and chest.

"Baby!" He called after her, following.

She sat beside Otis on the bed, stroking his hair. He began to stir, a soft smile gracing his features. "John..." He turned his head away. "John. Stop. I'm sleeping...Jo-" Otis opened his eyes and saw who was touching him, immediately turning sheet white.

"B...Baby."

Baby sat beside him, looking bewildered.

"Baby...I..." Cutter stammered.

"Y...You two..."

"Uhhhhhhh..." Otis's face began to light up red.

Baby stood. "You...THAT'S what those hickeys were from!"

"N...No!" Otis argued, sitting up. The sheet came down low enough on his waist to suggest that he was still naked.

Cutter sighed. "Otis, you're...really not helping."

"I...I...I..." Otis stammered.

"Baby, here's the thing..."

"Okay, I don't really WANT to know. And I don't care. I'm just glad to see him doin' this much better, and if you make him feel better...I mean...It's weird, but hey." She shrugged. "You're not hurtin us any."

"Do NOT tell your mother." Cutter interrupted.

"Or anyone else!" Otis added.

"Ok. I can keep a secret." She smirked.

"What do you want in return?" Otis hissed.

"You gotta give me the next victim. I wanna play!"

"Alright. Alright. whatever."

She smiled. "Good! Now, can I have some coffee?"

"Sure. Let's go down." Cutter smiled. "Otis, get dressed. And maybe stop being so red, huh?"


	6. Chapter 6

Baby sat and ate with Otis and Cutter. Rather, she ate with Cutter. Otis was too nervous to eat.

"Otis, you don't have to be so embarrassed." Baby touched his knee lightly.

"Hn?" His face was still red, and he couldn't help but feel dread. Everything even relatively good in his life had come crashing down around him. He was just waiting for the ball to drop and Cutter to kick him out of his life.

"Otis...Relax." Cutter murmured. "I'm not worried that she knows. What are you so anxious about?"

"I...I..."

"Don't worry, Otis. I know you're still a big tough guy." Baby winked at him.

Cutter squinted. "Did you two..."

"Uhhhhhhh..." Otis stammered.

"Yeah. Look at him, Daddy!"

"Oh, I know."

"Oh my god..." Otis groaned.

"Don't be so ashamed. Life happens, Otis. Sometimes it takes you by surprise." He pat Otis's back.

When he and Cutter went to work, Otis seemed slightly more relaxed, but worked mainly on his artwork, only coming out as he needed.

A few nights passed before Cutter had Otis to the house again. He drove him to the house after they had stopped at Pussy Liquors.

"Come here, little angel." Cutter pulled him close, smiling as Otis laughed. He kissed his cheek, listening to the sound of his laughter. That laughter that so few had gotten to hear. "You didn't eat this morning. Did you get good and full for dinner?"

Otis nodded, burrowing into Cutter's neck.

"Mm. You just wanna snuggle." He laughed. "Alright. Come here."

They watched TV together, Otis perfectly content in his arms.

"Later, I think we're gonna try somethin'."

"Huh?"

"You'll see."

Otis settled again, curled in Cutter's arms.

Later apparently came, as Cutter hoisted Otis onto his shoulders and deposited him on the bed. Smirking, he tied Otis's hands to the bed posts.

"U...Uh..."

"You're okay. You're okay. It's just me."

"C...Cutter..." Otis struggled against the restraints, trying to wriggle loose.

"Shhh..."

"D...Dad used...Used to tie me down...f...for days...I...P...please..."

"It's just me, little angel. It's just me. It's not your Daddy."

"B...But...But...I...I don't like this..."

"I think you will. Just relax."

He could see Otis was distressed, but he hoped he would be able to enjoy it.

"P...Please...Let me go...Please..." He seemed to be on the verge of tears.

"It's okay." Cutter tied a bandanna around Otis's eyes, blindfolding him.

"NO! CUTTER NO! NO!"

"Shhhhhh..." He kissed Otis's neck, riding out his struggles.

"N...NO...Nnnnnn...No..." Otis moaned, finally relenting to Cutter.

"See?" Cutter let his hands roam up and down Otis's chest, feeling the toned musculature. Otis flinched at the touch. "It's okay. It's okay."

Otis whimpered, struggling again.

"It's okay."

"Let me go...Please..."

"I thought you liked that?"

"I...I do..."

He kissed Otis's neck again, listening to him moan. He let his hands roam his torso, finally finding his belt, pulling it out of his pants, then pulling them off. He heard Otis whimper in protest, beginning to shake.

"Shhh. It's me. It's John. Not your Daddy. Not him...I would never hurt you like him." Cutter kissed down Otis's chest, nibbling on the white flesh once in a while. "God, you are so gorgeous...Little angel. I don't know how anyone could call you ugly..."

Otis groaned, bucking his hips.

He chuckled. "I thought you'd like it." Cutter stopped once again, placing his hand on Otis's side and stroking the pale flesh under his thumb. Otis flinched again. "Why're you flinching? It's just me."

"I...I know..."

"It's okay. You don't have to be afraid." He nipped at his flesh, making Otis groan and throw his head back. "Mmmm. I love those sounds..." He groped Otis, making him squirm even more.

"C...Cutter..." Otis gasped.

"What, Little Angel? What's wrong?"

"Hnnnn...God..."

"What do you want?" He murmured as he kissed down Otis's stomach.

"H...hnn..." He pulled against the restraints.

"Just tell me what you want, Otis." He kissed the pale hips, making him flinch slightly, but groan.

"F...fuck..."

"Hmmm?"

"God, don't make me beg..."

"You don't have to. Just tell me."

Otis had other ideas. "Come on, John..."

A chill ran up Cutter's spine. He loved it when Otis called him that. It was either when they were fucking, when he wanted affection, or he was trying to express emotions he had a hard time expressing. He stroked Otis's face gently. He flinched, crying out in fear.

"You...You know this scares me..."

"I know. But it's just me."

"So show me." Otis licked his lips. He felt Cutter flip his legs up onto his shoulders and braced himself. Cutter hungrily bit down on his neck, ravaging him.

When Cutter was done, he kissed down Otis's chest again. He knew Otis had intended to foil his plans for him, but he couldn't resist him any longer. So, he had other plans for this boy.

"Mmmm..." Otis all but purred, arching his back at the tender kisses. Suddenly, Cutter stopped. "Huh...?"

Cutter remained silent, startling Otis by touching him again.

"Ah! Fuck..."

"Shhh...Just me." Cutter kissed him, then pulled away again, this time leaving the room. He knew Otis would hear his footsteps and think he had left.

"C...Cutter?"

Otis naked, sprawled out in that bed, red faced with love bites leading down to his groin was quite a sight to behold.

But he didn't answer. He wanted to see how Otis would react.

"Goddammit! CUTTER!" He jerked at the restraints to no avail, only making them tighter. "Ow! Dammit!" He wriggled and pulled, trying anything he could think of to free himself. He worked himself to exhaustion, losing track of time. "J...John...?"

Cutter's heart dropped. Otis wasn't fighting anymore. He sounded scared.

"John...Please...John?" He began to shake. "D...Don't leave me here..."

He knew what Otis was thinking. He thought he had left him to starve and die, like his parents had.

"D...Don't leave me here...Th...They'll come for me...Please, John...Please..." His voice cracked. "Cutterrrrrrrr..."

He knew about Otis's past. He knew he had been abused absolutely mercilessly by his parents. Knew he was raped by his father. But Otis had never gone into much detail about anything. Cutter didn't know how scarred he still was. He knew he had night terrors and his parents still terrorized him in his dreams, but he didn't know he still feared them outside of that.

He quickly crossed the room, beginning to untie Otis, who shrieked in fear. "CUTTER! HELP! CUTTER! HELP ME!"

"Shhhh, it IS me. Shhhh..." He pulled the bandanna off of his face. Otis had been crying. "Oh, god...Little angel." He gathered Otis in his arms, soothing him.

"Fucker!" Otis shoved him away, eyes full of fury.

"Otis, stop."

"You KNOW you can't do that to me! What the fuck?!"

"I know. I know. I shouldn't have walked away from you like that. I'm sorry."

"You rat bastard!"

Cutter sighed and listened to Otis rant, knowing it would be the easier path of least resistance.

Finally, when he was done, he crawled into bed, gathering the albino in his arms and holding him close.

"...I'm still pissed."

"I think I'll live."

Cutter got exactly what was coming to him.

It was a few days later, and he was over at Cutter's house again. This time, Otis tied Cutter up, smirking evilly.

"What're you gonna do, kid?" Cutter licked his lips.

Otis smirked, pulled his pants back on, and simply walked out. Cutter heard the car start up and panicked.

"OTIS?! OTIS WHAT THE FUCK?! OTIS!"

It seemed like hours before Otis came back. Cutter was furious. He hated feeling vulnerable. He was the one to tie Otis down and ravage him, fucking him long and hard until he screamed and then begged for more. He was the dominant one. Otis could be all walk-tall fuckin' big shot all he wanted, but he was the one getting plowed. Not Cutter. He was the dominant one.

Otis came back into the bedroom and untied Cutter.

"It sucks, doesn't it? Feeling helpless."

"You better run, bitch."

"W...What?"

"I SAID RUN!" Cutter took off after Otis, who bolted down the stairs, jumping the railing and sprinting through the house. Cutter laughed. Yeah, he was still pissed. Embarrassed. But he would get over it. "Where are you?" Cutter searched for him, finally coming across him in his closet. Otis tried to run through him, but Cutter caught him, spinning him around and kissing his cheek, playfully growling. It wasn't until he stopped that he noticed Otis was shaking.

"Shhh...What's wrong?" He stroked Otis's hair, moving with him as he flinched, crying out in fear. "Hey. I'd never hurt you."

"Y...y...you're m...mad...R...Real...Mad..."

"Shhhh...No no. I'm not. Calm down. Calm down." He slowly sat down with Otis on the floor, pulling him into his arms. "I'm not mad. I'm not actually mad at you. I was just playing around, okay?"

"Y...you...You're n...not?"

"No...You're okay. I'm a little pissed, yeah. Little bit of an ego wound, but I'm fine. I would never be mad enough to hurt you, little angel."

Otis nodded, willing himself to stop shaking.

"Shhhh...It's okay." He took Otis right there, sitting on his bedroom floor. Otis moaned loudly, the most vocal he had allowed himself to be with Cutter.

He left shortly after cleaning himself up.

"You sure you can drive? It's pretty dark..."

"I'll be alright. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah. Alright." He kissed him one last time before he left.


	7. Chapter 7

Cutter was beginning to worry that Eve would find out. But at the same time, he didn't really care.

He and Otis lay in bed together as the sun peeked through the window, stroking Otis's hair as the younger man slept. Otis had his nose buried in Cutter's neck, trying desperately to be as close to him as possible. More and more often, he found himself wondering how anyone could deny Otis affection and abuse him like he had been abused.

"Little angel..." Cutter whispered, brushing strands of hair away from Otis's face and behind his ear. "Hey..."

A disgruntled grumble and some fidgeting.

Cutter chuckled. "Come on, Otis. Let's get goin' for the day."

"No..."

"Ohhh, come on." Cutter dug his thumb into Otis's shoulder blades, rubbing small circles.

"That's not how you get me up...That will do the opposite."

"Come on. Rise and shine." Cutter tried to move the smaller albino. Approximate weight of Otis B. Driftwood? 150 pounds, give or take. Weight when he didn't want to be moved? 500 pounds.

Giving up, Cutter huffed, rising from the bed himself. Otis whimpered in protest at the sudden loss of body heat. Cutter couldn't help but smile. God, that sleepy face of his, dazed looking and so sweet.

"That's one way to get you movin'. I'll go down and make us coffee. You get a shower."

Otis nodded, stretching. Cutter couldn't help but marvel at the feline-like musculature. Suddenly, Otis flinched, grabbing at his back.

"Back botherin' ya?"

"Yeah...I'm alright." He stood, stumbling slightly as his low back threw itself into a spasm, and hobbled to the shower.

Cutter threw on the coffee pot and wandered back upstairs, hearing Otis in the shower. Most of the time, he knew better. Otis liked his private time when he was showering. But Cutter wanted to help his little angel.

He gently pulled the curtain back and took Otis into his arms. Otis flailed, crying out in panic at first.

"Shhhh, shhh. It's just me. Just John."

"Fuck, Cutter!"

"I know...I'm sorry I scared you. Come on. Let me help..."

"Help WHAT?" Otis often got defensive of his abilities to do things. When he started recovering from the multitude of infections that had wracked through his body in the first weeks of his time with the family, he had fought to do things on his own. He hated vulnerability. Despised it. And in light of those experiences of requiring someone to help him shower or eat, he was often assertive of his ability to do so on his own.

"Just relax..." He began to dig his thumbs into the small of Otis's back. He jumped slightly, then groaned deeply. "Is that a good one? Or a bad one?"

"Good...God, so good..."

"Good...I want you to feel good."

He kept rubbing for a while until Otis seemed to have unlocked, and then got dressed himself and went to get their coffee.

They went to work much the same as they did every day, and Otis came home with Cutter again that night.

That night, Cutter felt the need to treat Otis.

They stood in Cutter's bedroom, Otis fiddling with his knife.

"Your back still hurtin'?"

"Nn." He shrugged. "I'm alright. Why?"

Cutter wrapped an arm around Otis's waist, pulling him close. "I care about you. That's why." He pulled the albino into a warm embrace, stroking his back. He heard Otis sigh, relaxing into his touch. Otis never really hugged him back, which was fine with Cutter. He just curled into him, relishing the warmth of the embrace.

He kissed Otis's forehead, making him look up at him in apprehension. He claimed his lips, then, loosening his grip so that Otis could maneuver himself to be more comfortable. He backed Otis up to the bed and pushed him against it.

"Take off your shirt."

"Make me." The albino smirked back at him, daring.

Cutter climbed on top of him, shoving his large, warm hands under the cloth, stroking the pale flesh with his thumbs. He saw the fire dim in Otis's eyes at the sweet caresses. Saw the excitement melt into something else entirely. "Come on, little angel. I want to see that work of art..." He pushed the ragged tank top up over his chest, their eyes still locked. "Come on..."

"H...Huh?"

"Let me take it off..."

"O...Oh...right..." Otis's face reddened as he pulled the shirt over his head.

Cutter chuckled, kissing his cheek. "Did I distract you too much, little angel?" Otis grumbled in response.

He started to kiss his neck, smirking at the immediate gasp he elicited from the younger man. He worked down his chest, working on kissing every inch of his torso. Otis moaned and dug his fingers into Cutter's back. He loved how the scruffy beard felt against his skin.

"God, you are so gorgeous..."

Otis moaned in response.

"Keep makin' those sounds, little angel. Mmm...My god, those sounds..." He began to kiss Otis's neck again, immediately hitting the spot he knew was the best.

"F...Fuck..." Otis moaned, shuddering in pleasure.

He worked his way back down Otis's body, leaving a few marks here and there, just for good measure. Otis squirmed beneath him, moaning loudly.

Cutter couldn't help but feel smug. This petrified young man who had come into his shop, who had been horribly brutalized by the people who were supposed to love him unconditionally, and who had an extremely difficult time trusting anyone was lying beneath him, moaning and whimpering in ecstasy and completely vulnerable. He could get him like this. Cutter could. As far as he knew, he never let anyone else be on top. Certainly never let anyone else dominate him. But here they were.

He unzipped Otis's pants, shoving them down over his ass. Kissing his hips, he felt Otis tense. "Shhhh..."

Otis couldn't help but moan when Cutter started. It wasn't often Cutter treated him this way, but god did it feel good. He just hoped that Cutter never did it with that clown makeup on. That black lipstick would be interesting to try and get off of his dick.

Otis dug his fingernails into Cutter's skin, moaning loudly.

When he had finished, Cutter stood over Otis. He couldn't help but marvel at him lying there, white hair splayed over the bed, panting, face red. God, what a beauty.

"Now roll over. I'm going to fix that back of yours."

He left for a moment to let Otis get settled, and to warm the massage oil he had purchased.

"I've got a special surprise for you, Otis."

"Hn?" Otis looked over his shoulder.

"Ah, ah. No peeking." He rubbed the oil on his hands and began to knead Otis's muscles.

"Oh, god..." Otis moaned.

Cutter chuckled. "Yeah. I thought you'd like that."

The next day, Otis's mind reeled. Cutter knew something was wrong, but he couldn't place what.

When he took Otis back to his house, Otis disappeared quickly. Cutter followed stealthily behind.

Peeking through the bathroom door, Cutter saw Otis plunge his fingers down his throat and immediately retch.

"Otis what the fuck!?"

Otis choked, trying to regain his bearings.

"How fucking stupid are you!? God DAMMIT Otis! Why the fuck are you doing this?!"

"I...I...I gained a few pounds...I...I can deal with it..."

"Otis, don't you remember how fucking SICK you were?! Don't you remember how THIN you were?! How hard we fought to bring you back?! You fucking think I care about you gaining a few pounds when I remember the skeleton that walked into my shop that day?! You think we put all that effort into you trying to save your fucking life for you to turn around and do this?! To try and LOSE a couple pounds?!"

Otis began to shake, backing away from Cutter.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!? You SHOULD be gaining a few pounds, you fucking moron! You're still thin!"

"S...S...S...S...stop...Y...yelling...P...Please...Please s...stop...y...yelling...I...I c...can't...f..focus...on what you're s...saying..."

A new rage redoubled in Cutter. "God DAMMIT! Why do you ALWAYS do that?! Why the fuck do you still flinch with me?! Don't you TRUST me?! I...I would never hurt you, I'm just pissed off! I LOVE you, dammit! I wouldn't hurt you!"

Otis froze, cocking his head. Cutter saw the gears moving in his head. Suddenly, Otis grit his teeth, growling. "Don't FUCKING say that unless you mean it. Those words...Those words you don't...Don't fuck around with those words with me." His voice was low, dangerous. His red eyes glowered with fury.

"I do mean it, Otis. Why is that so hard for you to believe?" Cutter lowered the volume of his voice. He knew if he kept egging Otis on now that he had him riled up, it wouldn't end well.

"You don't FUCKING get it. You..." Otis shook his head, balling his fists. "You HAD that in your life before. You were LOVED by people. You weren't...You weren't fucking BATTERED every day of your life. You...You had love growing up...You...You don't know what it's like to...To just ache for that kind of affection. To feel that hole rotting in your chest and know that...That the people who were supposed to give that to you HATED you with every fiber of their being..." Otis's voice began to dull, and Cutter noticed the pain in his eyes as he spoke. He couldn't imagine the pain that he was in. Otis could mask it all he wanted, but there was still a deep hurt within him.

"You're right. I don't know what that's like. But I want to show you what it's like to be loved."

"Why? I...I don't deserve it. I...You...You did all that stuff for me last night and I...I...What do I do for you?"

"You show me you trust me. By LETTING me do stuff for you. I know you've had a rough life. Have you ever even told anyone all of the hell you've been through? I know you've been through so much, Otis. So, so much. And I know the value you place on those words because of it. I wouldn't toy with you like that.

"But..."

"Otis...Relax. You deserve to be loved..." Cutter gathered him in his arms, holding him tightly. "And you don't have to say it back. I know you do, too. I see it." He kissed his forehead. "What was the real reason you were doing that, Otis? Abusing yourself like that?"

"...Because I didn't deserve all the stuff you did last night."

He sighed. "Little angel, you are worth that and so, so much more."

He felt Otis wrap his arms around his torso, hugging him back. He couldn't hold back a smile. "...I'm sorry..."

"For what?"

"I...I don't know...I just..."

"I know, Otis. I know. It's okay."

God, if Cutter could just squeeze all of the pain out of this boy, he would.


	8. Chapter 8

Cutter held Otis on the couch, the lithe albino curled up to him, dozing in and out of slumber. He didn't sleep soundly very often, and Cutter gladly let him seize any opportunity he had to get a few minutes of much-needed rest. His body surely still had to be recovering from his ordeal. You didn't just bounce back right away from something like that.

Cutter stroked his hair, letting his fingers entangle in the white locks. Otis grumbled in protest. He had been sleeping, and Cutter had woken him up.

"What's that about, huh?"

"Woke me up..."

"Sorry..."

"Mmm..."

"Hey, little angel. Your birthday is coming up..."

Otis's eyes snapped open and he jerked upright. "How did you find that out?"

"Your driver's licence."

"Mmmm..."

"That's a cute picture, by the way." Cutter smirked. Otis blushed. "What's wrong?"

Otis shrugged.

"I know you ain't never had a birthday celebration. What did your daddy get you for your birthday? A black eye or a missing tooth?"

Otis snorted. "My sixth birthday..." Otis gulped. "That's...when he started..."

"When he started fucking you?"

Otis grimaced, but nodded.

"My god, I bet you were cute..." Cutter took Otis's chin in his thumb and forefinger. "The way them cheeks bunch up when you smile...That chip in your front tooth...You had to be adorable."

"Didn't always have that chip..."Otis ran his tongue along his front teeth. "Hit my face off the headboard..."

"You mean your dad hit your face off the headboard?"

"No...I was trying to get away. "

"At any rate, I'm sure you never had a good birthday. I wanna give you one."

"N...No..."

"No? What do you mean no?"

"I...I...I..."

"Don't start with that you don't deserve it bullshit, either." He stroked the white hair back, away from his face. "I used to always pay for Eve to get her hair and nails done for her birthday. I would treat you to a hot towel shave, but you don't like people touching you, let alone getting a razor to your face."

Otis squinted back at him. "I can shave myself."

"That's not the point-" Cutter sighed. "Sometimes, Otis...Sometimes..."

Otis's eyes narrowed. "Sometimes _what_?"

"You're so stubborn."

"Had to be to survive."

"I don't doubt that." He rested a hand on Otis's knee, making him jump. "Shhh...We're not fighting. It's okay."

Otis broke the eye contact, letting his eyes fall. Cutter placed a hand on Otis's cheek, smiling softly, even as Otis flinched. Otis's eyes snapped back up to meet Cutter's, full of fear.

"Why're you still so scared, little angel?"

Otis gulped, "Because what if one day you...you..." Otis lost his train of thought. Cutter's face said it all. He would never again hurt Otis, would never even think of it. He loved him. This was real. "John..." He swallowed heavily. "I...I'm always going to flinch..."

"I know...I just...Wish you wouldn't...But I know..." Cutter stroked his thumb over Otis's lips, then leaning in to kiss him. "Come here, little angel..." He leaned forward, pushing Otis against the couch, his hands on either of Otis's flanks, stroking softly with his thumbs.

Otis moaned loudly into Cutter's mouth and arched his back as the older man climbed on top of him. Cutter chuckled. "Hnnn. You're ready to go tonight, aren't you?"

"I waited all day for this." Otis grabbed Cutter by the back of the neck, and pulled him down, claiming his lips.

God, something had changed in Otis. He had broken away from being so ashamed about the situation, and was finally, finally accepting that this was real.

He bit Cutter's lower lip, pulling it seductively through his teeth. Cutter ventured his eyes open to see Otis's own red eyes peering back at him, full of lust.

Through Otis's eagerness, Cutter decided to toy with him. Usually, he had quick, rhythmic thrusts, but he drastically slowed himself. Otis writhed underneath him, moaning and whimpering.

"G...God...P...Please..." He whimpered, digging his nails into Cutter's back.

"Ohhh no. You're getting it slow and hard tonight, little angel."

"Please...F...Faster..."

Cutter could only marvel at the sight. He was always so fucking gorgeous underneath him.

"J...Johnnnnn..." He whined.

That was it. That got him.

The following weekend was Otis's birthday. He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid the Firefly family's celebrations, but hopefully Cutter would concede to letting Otis's birthday slip by unnoticed.

"Goodmorning, birthday boy!" Baby shook Otis awake from a dead sleep. He cried out in fear, his eyes flying open and jolting awake.

"Jesus christ..." He muttered, shoving a pillow over his head. Baby nabbed it and threw it to the side.

"Happy Birthday, Otis." She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him against her in a warm embrace.

"Mm...Thanks..."

She pulled away from him. "I know you ain't never had a good one...But it's going to be different now, I promise."

"Baby, I don't-"

"I know being the center of attention makes you all nervous or whatever, but...Humor us, Otis. We're excited to have you as part of our family. And you deserve all the love and attention you're getting, whether you believe it or not. So let us spoil you, yeah?"

"Mmm..." He grumbled.

"I wonder what Daddy has planned for you." She smirked devilishly.

Otis blushed. "Baby..." he hissed.

"I dunno. You've got a new life in you since that's been goin' on, Otis. Being loved looks good on you."

Otis flushed again, rolling his eyes. "Let me get dressed."

"Ain't the first time I've seen all of you." She bit her lip. "In fact, it's been a while. Kinda miss it."

With a deadpan glare, Otis stood from the bed, peeling his shirt over his head and tossing it on Baby's head. She giggled, pulling it away with just enough time to see him discard his underwear. He got dressed, feeling her appreciative gaze boring into him.

"Is...Is daddy hurtin' you...?" Baby looked genuinely concerned.

"Huh?" He cocked his head.

"You got bruises, Otis...Is he..."

"No, no. Uh..."

Recognition flashed on her face. "OHHH! Those are like...hickeys!"

Otis sighed. "Yes, Baby..."

"Oooh, so you're the bottom!"

"I'm NOT talking to you about this."

Going downstairs, he saw Cutter's truck in the driveway, and him sitting at the table. No one else had woken up yet.

When Cutter saw him, he stood and wrapped one large arm around his waist, pulling him close to kiss him. "Happy Birthday, Otis."

Otis turned into a stoplight, glancing nervously at Baby.

"Ohh, don't you worry 'bout her none." Cutter pressed another kiss to the albino's cheek. "She won't tell." He placed one bear paw-like hand on Otis's cheek, pulling him in for another kiss. "Your face is very warm, little angel."

Otis and Cutter put a long day in at the shop, then driving home together.

"So why did you not let me drive today?"

"You just don't worry about it." Cutter wrapped an arm around his shoulders and began massaging his scalp. Otis's eyes rolled back in his head, and he leaned into the touches. When they arrived, Otis was dozing, leaned heavily against the older clown. "Hey, wakey wakey Driftwood."

"Hnnn..." He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, yawning. They both exited the car and went into the house, Cutter behind Otis.

"SURPRISE!"

Otis froze and turned to bolt, but Cutter stopped him. "It's okay. Just us."

"Happy Birthday, Otis!" Mother Firefly pulled him into an embrace, peppering his face with kisses, leaving lipstick stains.

The family had prepared a small party- just them, nothing huge. But they had made Otis's favorite meal and baked him a cake.

Despite how nervous the attention made him, Otis couldn't help but smile. These people genuinely, truly cared about him. They really loved him.

Once everyone else had gone to bed, Otis and Cutter sat in front of the fireplace.

"Y'know. I didn't give you your gift yet."

"Hn?" Otis looked at Cutter. "We...We can't...Here...Not here..."

"No, dumbass. I actually did get you something." He wandered out to the truck and retrieved it, then placing the box in Otis's lap. "Go ahead. Ain't gonna bite you or nothin'."

Otis opened the package, pulling a large, oversized sweater out of it.

"Cuz you're always cold. Put it on. Lemme see it."

Otis pulled it over his head, poking his head out through the neck.

Cutter laughed. "God, you're adorable."

Otis buried his face in the neck, letting just his eyes peek out, sighing contentedly.

"Come here."

"No. Leave me alone. I'm in my cocoon." He muttered, muffled by the fabric.

Laughing, Cutter pulled him into an embrace. Otis happily settled, resting his head on Cutter's chest.

"That's not all I got you. Did you really think all I would give you for your birthday is an old sweater of mine? Seriously?"

"...It's MY sweater..."

Cutter rolled his eyes. "Look in the box again."

Otis dug in the tissue paper, producing a tanned leather cuff bracelet.

"You're always so self-conscious of that big scar on your wrist...The last scar they ever gave you...You told me that's where you broke free of the ropes for the last time. I know you're ashamed of your scars, Otis, but you shouldn't be. You survived hell. That's something to wear like a badge of honor. But I know you don't like the constant reminder of your past. And I know you get anxious a lot...You still have a lot of insecurities. A lot of them I know I'll never be able to even see, you hide it so well. But I know you're still insecure about...about us. So I want you to wear that. And whenever you get scared, wake up from a nightmare, or you get anxious...Or you think I'm going to leave you. I want you to look down at that, and know you are loved. And you deserve love. You deserve the care and attention that went into making that."

Otis fell silent, stroking the smooth leather with his thumb.

"Otis...?"

"I...I don't...I don't know what to say...I..." He looked up at Cutter. "Th...Thank you..."

"Anything for you, Little Angel." He pulled Otis against him once more, stroking his hair. "We'll just snuggle tonight. I know you probably just want affection more than sex. And it's your birthday, so I'll just hold you for now."

Otis sighed contentedly. God, his life had made a turn around.


	9. Chapter 9

Otis awoke in Cutter's arms. The larger, older man was coughing, hard enough to shake the bed, squeezing Otis against him.

"John...?"

Cutter groaned. "Hurts..."

"Huh?"

"Body hurts..."

Otis wriggled away from him, sitting up. "Well, no wonder. You're so warm..." Otis pressed a palm to his forehead, stroking the sweat away.

"Mmmm..."

"You're sick, John..."

"No shit."

Otis chuckled. "Come on. Let me up."

Cutter shifted, pulling the blankets up over his shoulders as Otis left. "You're so mean..."

"Huh?"

"I'm freezing...And you leave..."

He chuckled again. "John..." He kissed his forehead, pausing for a moment. "You're running a fever..."

"Hnnn..." He coughed feebly.

"I'll get you something...I'll be right back."

"Ok..."

Otis trotted downstairs, searching the medicine cabinet for a fever reducer. Finally, he found one, poured a glass of water, and wandered back up stairs to Cutter, lying moaning in bed.

"Ohhh...I know...It sucks. Here." He helped Cutter sit up, then gave him the pills and helped him sip the water.

"Give me some sugar..."

"Uhhh...No? I'm not getting sick."

"You're so cruel..."

Snorting, Otis kissed Cutter's forehead, then each cheek. "There. Now am I so cruel?"

"Yes."

Otis rolled his eyes.

"I could stand a blowjob."

"Mm...We'll see." Otis wrinkled his nose. That wasn't something he particularly enjoyed doing.

"Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you. Of course I don't. You think I would stick around if I did? Don't be stupid."

"I know. I know you love me..."

"Mm..." Otis still wasn't ready to use those words. It wasn't that he didn't feel that way, he just couldn't make himself say it. "At any rate, you're not getting out of bed today. The shop can be closed for a day or two until you get better."

"Mmmmm...Okayyyyyy..."

"I'm going to go make you some tea, okay?"

"Coffee..."

Otis sighed. "Coffee it is, then."

He made coffee, scrounging up an orange and some toast for breakfast.

"Here. Here's your coffee." He set it on the bedside table. "And I got you a little something to eat."

"What about you...?"

"I'll get something later. I promise. Don't you worry about me."

"Okay..."

Otis helped him to sit up again, and helped him to eat, peeling his orange and feeding him the pieces. "Here. Drink your coffee." He held the cup up to Cutter's mouth, helping him drink it.

"Oh...God...Otis...Everything hurts..."

"I know...Believe me, I know."

Cutter coughed, lying back down.

"Ohhh..." Otis kissed his head, hugging Cutter tightly. "It's okay...I'm right here. I'll take care of you."

Cutter moaned. Otis drew the covers back up over his quaking form, smiling softly.

"I'll take care of you just like you guys did for me. It'll be okay. You'll be fine."

Otis stayed by his side all day, nursing him like the Firefly family had for him. Cutter gradually improved as the fever relief kicked in, working its magic.

"Otis..." Cutter whined. "I hurt..."

"I know. Your body aches, I bet."

He coughed, whimpering. "My chest is all congested."

"Okay...Uhh...Well...You're just gonna have to cough all that up, John..."

"I'm thirsty..."

"Okay. Water or tea?"

"Water..."

"Alright." Otis ran back down the stairs, fetching Cutter's water, and bringing it back up to him. He helped him sit up to drink once again.

Lying back down, the older man coughed feebly. "Everything hurts."

Otis sighed. "I know. I know."

"You know what would make me feel better...?" Cutter smirked.

Otis sighed. "What's that?"

"Seein' that white hair bob up and down below my belt."

"If you hurt so bad and are so weak, how can you want that?"

"I can always want that, little angel."

"Mm. Not a chance."

"Ohhhhh. Little angel..." Cutter whined.

"No." Otis stroked his face with a cold cloth, wiping the sweat away.

"But I'd do it for you."

"Bullshit."

"...You're right."

Otis chuckled. "That's what I thought, John." Otis kissed his cheek and forehead again.

As the day wore on, Otis's patience with Cutter wore thinner and thinner.

"Otis...I'm dying...I'm dying...I know for sure I am."

"Cutter."

"Cutter? Not John?"

"No."

"What...?"

"Cutter. You're not dying. Stop it."

"I feel like I'm dying."

"I bet you do."

Cutter broke into a coughing fit, moaning. "See? I'm too weak to even cough."

"Okay. Seriously? I literally WAS too weak to cough. I literally WAS dying. I almost died! Don't you remember that? Because it wasn't that long ago. And you're going to lay here and whine because you have a fucking COLD? SERIOUSLY!? I almost DIED."

Cutter fell silent, staring at Otis.

"You're still going to whine, aren't you?"

"I still hurt...But you're right. I'm sorry."

"I'm not saying you can't complain because you hurt. But you're not fucking dying, for God's sake."

"I'm sorry. You're taking good care of me."

"Damn right I am."

Cutter snorted. "I love you little angel."

Otis hesitated, biting his lip. "Uh...Y...Y'know...I...I uh...Yeah...I do too." He couldn't still bring himself to say those words, but he genuinely felt it. That man that had saved his life. That man that had brought him in, allowing him to work for him and gain back his dignity. To become a normal human being. Who didn't balk just because he looked different. Who took him into his home, welcomed him into his family. And then who loved him, who showed him he deserved to be loved. Deserved to have effort put into gaining his trust and earning his affections. Who showed him what real affection feels like. What Love felt like. He was worthy of being the first one to hear those words from Otis.

Cutter stared back at him, a smile growing on his face. He knew that, in time, Otis would learn that it was okay to say them. To taste them on his tongue and feel the way his mouth formed the words. But today? Today that stuttering admittance was enough. It was more than enough.

He entangled his fingers in Otis's hair, pulling him down to his face. "I love my little angel." He muttered again, kissing Otis's nose.

Otis smiled, chuckling slightly. "I know you do..."

"And I know you love me, too."

Otis looked at him, eyes bright and shining. He nodded.

"How incredible to earn that..." He kissed Otis's nose again.

"It's just not easy for me to say...I don't take those words lightly..."

"I know. But you show it."

Sighing, Otis kissed Cutter's neck.

"Nnn...What're you doing?"

"You've been asking all day..." He trailed down Cutter's chest, leaving wet kisses as a trail.

"Oh, god..."

"Mm..." Otis pulled Cutter's pants off, exposing him.

Cutter moaned loudly as Otis performed, fisting the white locks and arching his back.

When Otis had finished and cleaned himself up, he came back and sat on the bed beside Cutter.

"Thought you hurt so bad you couldn't move?"

"That'll bring a dead man back to life, Driftwood."

Otis laughed outright. "Yeah, whatever."

"I owe you one."

"Mm...Feel better?"

"Yes."

"You'll make it up to me some how, I'm sure."


	10. Chapter 10

Cutter recovered quickly. Thankfully, it had just been a cold, requiring rest and hydration. Otis cared for him as the Firefly family had for him not so long ago, ensuring that he was comfortable.

Once Cutter was well again, they resumed their usual activities.

Otis was moaning loudly, something Cutter wasn't entirely used to. He usually stayed relatively silent, but God, the noises he could get out of him sometimes drove him absolutely mad. That day was one of those times.

Mischief sparkling in his eyes, Cutter trailed a hand up Otis's chest. Otis shivered, whimpering in pleasure. He loved those warm touches from those large hands.

Cutter cupped his cheek, running his thumb over Otis's lips. Otis bit down on the finger, licking the tip with his tongue.

"Nnn...Little angel..." Cutter moaned, still thrusting. He wrapped his hand around Otis's throat and squeezed, pushing him into the mattress.

Otis came alive, struggling violently under Cutter. He gasped wildly for air, fear taking over him. Cutter ignored him, lost to his own pleasures. Otis gagged, flailing.

Finally, survival instinct kicked in, over riding the pure terror. He grappled for something to defend himself with.

He cursed internally. Cutter always made him hide his knife away when they were about to have sex. Cutter knew that in situations like that, Otis could easily panic, and didn't want to be staring the albino down with a knife in his hand if the situation ever came to be. This situation would have been one of those, if Otis could stand up, walk over to his clothes and dig out his knife. Hell, if he could do that, Cutter would be dead.

His fingers wrapped around the lamp on the table, and he pulled it, smashing it against the older clown's head.

Cutter fell limply on top of Otis, releasing his grip. Otis gasped desperately for air, relishing in the sweet taste of the first breath.

Then he regained his senses. Cutter was passed out on top of him. He had knocked him out with the lamp. 300 pounds of clown were currently lying on top of him, and he was having trouble breathing again. But he was also petrified that Cutter would be beyond pissed at him and start beating him.

"Cutter! Cutter, wake up! Wake the fuck up!" He shook him violently, finally making him come to.

He reared back, sitting up. Otis began to shake, fearing the worst. "What the FUCK Otis?!"

"I...I...I...I...Y...You c...can't...You can't...d...do that...t..to me...I...I..."

"God, I don't get a warning!? I just get a lamp against my fucking skull?!"

"Uh, in case you didn't know I couldn't fucking talk when you were choking me!"

"Shit...Damn, kid..."

"I...I...P...Please..d...don't be mad..."

"I...I'm not PLEASED with you!"

Otis flinched back, unable to scurry away from Cutter. Finally, Cutter stood and went to the bathroom.

"Fuck! I'm bleeding!"

Fear over taking him once again, Otis hid behind the headboard of the bed, like he used to do as a child.

"Otis? Otis where are you?"

Otis began to tremble, shifting the bed and drawing attention to himself.

"What the fuck?"

"P...P...P...P...Please d...don't h...hit me...Please..."

"Otis, come here." He reached behind the headboard, grabbing Otis by the arm. He shrieked in fear, struggling violently against Cutter, but eventually let himself be drug out from his hiding place.

The albino shook violently, muttering pleas for Cutter not to harm him.

"Shhh..." Cutter pulled him into an embrace, stroking his back. "I'd never hurt you. You know that...Shhhh..."

"P...P...Please...D...Don't..."

"It's okay. It's okay. It's both of our faults, Otis. I should never have done that to you. I know what you've been through. I know you've been abused. Why would that be okay? But at the same time, you could have hit me with your hands before you hit me with a fucking lamp."

Otis nodded, fear widening those maroon pools.

"I'm not going to lie though, I am kind of pissed..."

"F...fuck..."

Cutter felt Otis tense, and knew that fear was building to a much stronger threshold than he had ever seen. "Don't you fucking DARE hit me with something else."

Otis just trembled, whimpering in fear. Cutter had a hold of him, and wouldn't let go. He was petrified. What could he do? There was nowhere to hide, and he couldn't very well run with Cutter's grip on him.

Cutter had never seen Otis like this. Not even when he had tried to push him away. He was scared, quite honestly. He had never expected this. Someone as strong and independent as Otis, reduced to this quaking mess, begging someone not to hurt him. Otis always slightly let his guard down around Cutter, but he had never, ever seen this.

Curling into a ball, guarding his face, Otis began to sob.

"Hey, whoa...Whoa...Shhh..." He moved his hand to stroke Otis's hair, but he flinched wildly, scrambling away from him once Cutter had released his grip. "Otis...Calm down...It's okay..." Cutter knew now he had triggered something terrible in Otis, something he usually kept so locked up and deep within him that it usually never saw the light of day. But Cutter had put the key in that lock and twisted it open.

"G...G...God...I...I...I'm s...Sorry...P...P...Please...Please d...don't...be mad at me..."

"Shhhh...Otis, come here. Come here. It's okay."

"N...N...No...Y...You'll hit me..."

"No, I won't. Come here. It's okay." He grabbed Otis and pulled him into an embrace.

Otis shook, burying his head in Cutter's chest. "P...Please..."

"Ohhh...Little angel...Calm down...Otis..." He kissed Otis's forehead, stroking his hair.

Otis sobbed into his chest, still shaking violently.

"I'm mad, but I'm not going to hurt you. God, Otis...I would never do that...Shh...I know it scared the hell out of you. I know that your first reaction is to do anything to survive. I wouldn't hurt you for that."

"W...W...W...What...W...would y...you hurt me for...?" Otis looked up at him, still trembling, tears streaking down his face.

"Nothing. You don't deserve that."

Cutter held Otis until he stopped sobbing.

"Little angel..." He kissed his forehead. "We're okay. You know that, right?"

"Are we...?"

"Yes. We're okay."

Otis stood shakily, sighing. "I'm...I'm...gonna go home."

"But it's dark. You can't drive-"

"I...I'll be okay. I can get home."

"Otis, you don't have to go."

"I...I know..."

Cutter sighed. "get home safe, okay?"

He nodded, heading out to his car.

When Otis came into work the next day, Cutter was shocked.

Yeah, he had a big goose egg on his bald head. But Otis had a large bruise around his throat.

"Otis..."

"I'm okay." He grumbled. His voice was hoarse from the strain of Cutter choking him.

"Oh god...Otis..."

"I said I'm okay."

Cutter pulled him in for an embrace, and Otis relented, sighing contentedly.

"I'm sorry..." Otis muttered.

"Me too..." He kissed Otis's forehead.


	11. Chapter 11

Thankfully, Otis didn't return to his habits of flinching at every one of Cutter's touches. That next night, he had returned to Cutter's house and they started their usual. Cutter caressed the side of Otis's face, a gesture that previously would have surely elicited a panicked squeak and a flinch, but he didn't move. Cutter pulled him closer, resting his hands in the small of Otis's back. He grimaced slightly.

"Back botherin' you?"

"Always is..." He grumbled.

"Maybe you need another rub-down, then."

Otis chuckled. "That'd be great. But yeah, right."

"I would do that for you. All you have to do is ask." Cutter kissed him. "But I wanna play around a little first." Cutter kissed him, snaking his hands down to grab Otis's ass. Otis growled deep in his throat as Cutter squeezed. "Mmm...Keep makin' them noises."

Breathlessly, Otis murmured. "You made me like that, you know."

"Huh?"

"Didn't even like people brushing by my ass before." Otis smirked. Cutter knew what he meant: being raped by his father almost on a daily basis had made Otis crazy about a lot of things. He had admitted to Cutter he didn't even know sex could be enjoyed for a good majority of his life.

Driving home that night, Otis's vision blurred. He pulled over to the side of the road for a moment, paused, then pulled into a gas station. He wandered inside for a coke, deciding to treat himself for a change.

Walking out, someone grabbed him from behind, covering his mouth, and someone else grabbed his hands. They drug him into the men's bathroom, throwing him down on the ground.

"Fucking' faggot freak ass bitch." It was dark in the bathroom, and Otis couldn't see. Someone kicked him in the gut, and he gasped for air.

"Albino fuckin' freak. Now you're a faggot on top of it. Fuckin' that clown."

"You can't find anyone else weird enough to tolerate you? Fucking creep ass. You turned him gay! Fuckin' asshole."

Another voice. "You fuckin' creep. You'll probably like this. Fuckin' asshole."

Otis tried desperately to struggle. Flailing and kicking, he made solid contact with something. A voice grunted.

"Goddammit!" He kicked Otis again, making him vomit onto the floor. "You're fucking disgusting."

Otis wondered fleetingly whether or not they could actually see. He couldn't see all that well at night, let alone in a dim room.

"Look. He's so confused. Fuckin' can't see us."

Ah. So they could see him.

They bound Otis's hands and feet, jerking his pants down.

"NO! NO! GOD NO DON'T!"

"Gag that mother fucker. I ain't listenin' to that."

Otis screamed against the gag in his mouth, tears rolling down his face. Mocking him the entire time, they brutalized him just as his father had.

"Yeah, you cry you little fuckin' bitch ass cunt. Faggot!"

They beat him mercilessly until they grew tired, and left him in that gas station bathroom, bleeding and battered.

Otis picked himself up and continued the drive home. Thankfully, no one was awake. He showered, tending to his wounds, and going to bed.

Cutter noticed a change in Otis. He shrugged him off when Cutter tried to show him any affection, let alone trying to be intimate. Otis simply wasn't having it. Didn't want it. It was one thing to not want sex, but for Otis not to crave affection was odd. It went on for days, until Cutter finally was worried enough to confront Otis about it.

"Otis...You alright?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

"I just...You're...Off, is all."

"I'm fine."

"Okay. Okay." He sighed. "Why don't you come over tonight?"

"Yeah. Okay." At least Otis was willing to come to his home.

When Otis stepped through the door, he was covered in blood. Cutter didn't think anything of it. That was a daily occurrence for them.

"Gonna change my shirt..." He mumbled, pulling it over his head.

"Holy shit! Otis where the fuck did that bruising come from?!"

Otis quickly pulled his shirt down, his eyes wide.

"Otis...What happened?"

"I...I...I can't...I..."

"It's okay. Come on. What happened."

"I...I d...I didn't want it...I...I didn't..." He began to shake. "I didn't want it...I...I swear...I..."

"Otis, calm down. Tell me what happened."

"I...Th...They pinned me...They...They got me in the bathroom...a...and...Th...They beat me...and...and I...Cutter, I swear, I swear I didn't want it..."

"Otis...What...?"

"I...I cheated on you...I...I didn't...I didn't want it."

"Otis...They...Who is they?"

"I don't know!" He sobbed, finally letting his fear take over. "God...Please...please don't hurt me...God...I..."

"Otis...If you didn't want it, it's not cheating on me...That...That's rape...Otis...Come here." He drew the smaller man into his arms, holding him close to his chest as his body shook with sobs.

"I didn't want it...I didn't want it..."

"I know. I know. Shhhhh..."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to cheat on you..."

"No, no. Otis stop it. You didn't cheat on me."

"I...It was my fault. I...I shouldn't have been alone...I...I..."

"Otis NO. STOP!" Cutter grabbed Otis's arms, shaking him. "It is NOT your fault. Do you understand?! That is NOT your fault. And you were NOT cheating on me. Not if you didn't want it."

Otis shook. "I didn't. I didn't...I swear to God..."

"Okay. I believe you. They hurt you, so you couldn't have wanted it..." He sighed. "That's not a good lookin' wound, Otis..." Cutter lightly brushed his fingers over the bandage on Otis's stomach. Otis gasped lightly and flinched.

"Been takin' care of it myself..." He shrugged.

"What?! How long ago was this?!"

"A...A...A...Ah...A week ago...? Maybe a little more..."

"OTIS!"

"STOP FUCKING YELLING AT ME!" Otis exploded.

"Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO THINK I WAS CHEATING ON YOU! I DIDN'T WANT IT. I DIDN'T WANT THIS. THEY...YOU KNOW WHY THEY DID IT?! THEY FUCKING SAW US, CUTTER. THEY BEAT ME BECAUSE THEY THINK I'M GAY BECAUSE I'M WITH YOU!"

"Shhhh...I'm sorry. I'm sorry..." Cutter tried to pull him close again, but Otis shoved him away. "Oh, come on. Don't be like that..." He tried again, but Otis glared up at him, struggling against his arms. Finally, Otis relented, his sobs redoubling against the older man's chest. "Shhhhh..." He kissed Otis's head, waiting for him to stop sobbing. "Come on. Let's get you cleaned up and I'll help you take care of that cut, okay?"

"H...Hnn...?" Otis looked up at him. Cutter led Otis to the bathroom, prompting him to strip down. He did, and Cutter ran warm water in the shower as he did. They got into the shower together, Cutter standing behind Otis as he lathered his hair.

"Here, let me..."

"I can do it..."

"I know you can, but I want to be nice to you because you went through hell again. Stop it." Cutter massaged Otis's scalp, grimacing as his fingers ran over the scars criss-crossing Otis's head. Otis whimpered in pleasure, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. "That feels good, huh?"

"Nnn-hnnn..."

"I love you little angel."

"Nnn..."

Cutter began to lather Otis's chest. He jumped and flinched, skidding slightly in the shower water."

"Shhhh. It's okay. You're okay." Cutter began to massage Otis's back, kneading the muscles with his fingers. "Ooooh, yeah. There you go. Relax..."

Otis whimpered in pleasure, feeling the tension leave his muscles.

Once Cutter had finished, he freed Otis to dry off and put pants on. "Ah ah ah. Come here. I'm taking care of that cut."

"I can do it."

"Yeah, because you're really good at that, Mr. I almost died of sepsis."

"...Fine."

Cutter dressed the wound after he wiped it with antiseptic. Otis hissed in pain, fidgeting. "Oh, stop."

"Hurts, John..."

"Aw...I know..." He wrapped Otis up and leaned back. "Okay. You're done."

Otis wordlessly stood and wandered into their bedroom as Cutter put away the supplies he had needed.

When he finally found Otis, he was curled up on the couch, swimming in the sweater he had received for his birthday. Just the top of his head was exposed, and his arms were inside the torso, wrapped around himself.

"Ohhh, Little angel..."

Otis looked at him sleepily, those red eyes peering at him. Cutter tied the sleeves together, trapping Otis, who smiled wryly back at him. "You ass."

Cutter laughed, kissing Otis lightly. He pulled him into an embrace, simply holding him close.

"Thank you..." Otis muttered.

"Of course...Don't ever hide something like that from me again, Otis."


	12. Chapter 12

Cutter held Otis through the night, not prompting him for sex, just letting him snuggle into that oversized sweater and try and gain his bearings.

"Little Angel, I think we should get to bed."

"Anything is a bed when you've been homeless."

"I know, but I think we should get you in a nice comfy bed."

Still drowsy, Otis nodded into Cutter's chest.

"You're exhausted. Come on." Cutter moved to scoop Otis up, but his eyes flew open and he jerked away.

"I can walk."

"Listen, I carried your pale little ass in through a door and up the stairs when you COULDN'T."

"But I can now..." Otis stood, suddenly wobbly on his feet.

"I know you can. And I know you don't want any of your independence taken away. But let me do things for you."

"You do enough." Otis started up the stairs.

"But you deserve more." Cutter answered, following him.

Otis curled up on his side of the bed, enveloped in that sweater. God, he looked so adorable. Cutter lay beside him, drawing the suddenly frail-looking albino to him. "Come here." He kissed his forehead.

Otis nuzzled into Cutter's chest, settling and falling asleep once more.

Cutter awoke before Otis, who hadn't moved in the course of the night. He stroked the long white locks, earning him a questioning hitch in Otis's breathing, that settled back into the slow rhythm of sleep. He rose and readied himself for work, leaving Otis to slumber in the bed.

Only an hour or so had passed before Otis stumbled through the door, still having a drowsy appearance about him.

"Hey. What're you doin' here?"

"Why'd you leave without me?"

"I was gonna let you rest for the day."

Otis looked down and away. "I...Need to keep my mind busy today."

"You look like you need to go back to bed."

"No, I don't." Otis brushed passed him into the back.

"Hey, Otis."

"Hn?"

"You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Otis."

"What?"

"Are you really okay?"

"What do you want me to say? You know damn well I'm not. But I will be. Been through this before..."

"You're not alone, now."

"I...I know."

Cutter grabbed him and pulled him close, peppering kisses on his face, finally settling on his lips. Breaking away, he kissed his forehead. "Gonna fire up the bird. You got the front for a minute?"

"Yeah, I got it." Otis wandered back up to the front.

Cutter heard the ding of the bell, heard muffled voices in exchange, but didn't hear Otis's. He paused a moment, then decided to go out.

"Problem?" He asked.

"N...N...N...No..."

"Spaulding, what you got this stutterin' fuckin' moron workin' for you now?" The obvious leader of the group asked.

"Watch your tongue, boy. I'll come over this counter. I ain't got the chicken ready for y'all mother fuckers yet. come back later. "

"Yeah. We'll see you." The group left. Otis stood frozen, eyes wide.

"Otis/"

"Th...Th...Them..."

"What?"

"Th...They t...trapped me in the stall..."

"What the fuck're you talkin' about?"

"The other night. They're the ones."

"I thought you didn't see them."

"I recognized their voices...They insulted me enough. I got to hear them."

"Otis...Go home for the day. Find something to do. But get out of here."

"Huh?"

"They'll be coming back. Get out of here."

"Why?"

"I'm going to fucking take care of them." Cutter snarled.

Otis nodded, taking leave. He knew it best to just shut up and listen to Cutter when he was pissed off.

When Cutter returned to his home, he found Otis on the floor, a dead girl on either side of him, naked and too stoned to move. He had gotten into Cutter's weed stash.

"Otis?"

He laughed. "Heyyyyyy..."

"Have fun today?"

"Fuck yeah! It was great!"

"Mm-hm. Have you ever smoked weed before?"

"No! But I feel awesome...My whole body is tingly and warm."

"Mm..."

Soon that feeling had left, and Otis was trembling, wrapped in a blanket, still sitting on the floor. "F...Fuck...John...? JOHN!"

"I'm right here. I'm right here. It's just a trip, Otis. Just a trip."

"Fuck...they're coming back for me...Th...They...They'll find me...John...John, help me...I'm scared."

Though it warmed Cutter's heart that Otis clung to him for security, it really wasn't all that amusing, considering he actually was scared. "I won't let anyone hurt you. I promise."

Once the high had worn off, he discovered that Otis had two more girls tied up in their bedroom, bloodied and beaten.

"Otis..what the FUCK? Where did you get all these girls?"

"They were on a road trip."

"That doesn't-..." He was cut off by Otis depositing one of the girls on the bed and taking her from behind as she screamed, desperately trying to get away from him. He cackled evilly as he tortured the poor girl.

This was the other side of Otis Cutter rarely got to see. Powerful, with cat-like strength that radiated off of him.

When he was finished, he flipped the girl over, staring down at her. Sweat beaded on his chest, and Cutter couldn't help but stare as the albino panted.

"Still think you're going to make it to the beach?" Otis murmured, his mouth curling into a smirk. "Still think you're going to sit there with all your pretty little friends and read your smutty novels and sunbathe all day?"

The girl frantically shook her head. He rolled her off of the bed, grabbing the other.

"And you...You're my last meal of the day."

She spit out her gag, glaring at him menacingly. "Fucking freak. FREAK!"

Otis growled deeply in his throat, his eyes narrowing. "Say it again. I dare you."

"FREAK!"

A hard blow to the face broke her jaw, allowing Otis to open it at will as she screamed in agony. He pulled her tongue out and cut it, holding the slippery flesh in his hands. He cut a finger off, still listening to her anguished screams, he shoved it into her mouth. "EAT IT, BITCH! SWALLOW IT! SWALLOW!"

Sobbing, she obeyed. She tried to speak, but it was gurgled.

He brutalized her, too, in the same way as the other girl. She bled to death, but the first girl lay shaking on the floor.

Otis did as he pleased with her, licking up her sternum and sucking on her breasts. The poor girl shook beneath him, but Cutter knew just how good Otis was at what he did. If only there were different circumstances.

When Otis was done, he lay sprawled out on the bed, exhausted.

"So, you wanna tell me what that was about?"

"What?"

"Those girls."

"I'm not gay. I like women."

"Yes. I know."

"They fucking...They fucking called me a faggot. I'm not. I'm not gay. I fucking proved it."

"Who are you proving it to?" Cutter asked. Otis fell silent. "Just because of this whole situation, doesn't mean that you're gay. Doesn't make you weak, even if you are. Shit just happens, Otis."

"Mmm..."

"God, do I like to see you in action, though." Cutter smirked, pushing Otis's back against the bed and straddling him.

Otis chuckled. "I'm that irresistible, huh?"

"Oh, little angel, you have no idea." He kissed Otis's neck, making him squirm, and then kissed down his torso, riding the bucking younger man's hips as he writhed in pleasure beneath him.


	13. Chapter 13

Cutter 'took care' of the people who had abused Otis. Slaughtering them brutally, he relished in their screams.

He then took care of Otis.

"Hey, little angel." Cutter approached Otis carefully, knowing that Otis was more than likely still jumpy and sensitive. He knew he probably still ached, too. He gently placed his hands on his shoulders, beginning to rub the knots out of the musculature.

"Hey..."

"You okay?"

"Told you I'm fine."

"You don't seem it."

"I WILL be fine."

"Mmmm...I...Don't want to piss you off or anything, but maybe your definition of fine isn't most people's working definition."

"Yeah, well, when you get the shit kicked out of you everyday for the first fuckin' 13 years of your life, 'fine' has a pretty loose definition."

Cutter sighed. "Listen. I know I don't know what it's like. I'm not going to pretend I understand, or say that I do to make you feel better. But...You can talk to me, Otis."

"Don't want to."

"Maybe that's why you're still in so much pain from your past. You don't talk about it. You don't give yourself time to run through what you're feeling, you just stomp it down every time it comes up."

"If you didn't want to piss me off, this wasn't the way to do it."

Cutter sighed. "Fine. Fine."

"Don't fuckin' give me that shit, either."

"I know you're not okay! Why won't you talk to me?!"

"Fine! You want me to fuckin' talk!?" Otis glowered. Cutter knew he was going to get an ear full. "I'm so fucking mad at myself." Otis lowered his voice to a hiss, and Cutter knew there was danger. It wasn't when Otis yelled that you should run, it was when he got quiet. "When I was six, I couldn't stop it. That's when it started. Six years old. You know what most six year olds get for their birthday? A bike, or a toy, or a puppy. You know what I got? All I asked for was for some crackers. Do you know how long it had been since I had eaten? Some crackers...To go with what little soup they had given me. Do you know what I got instead? Thrown down in my bedroom. He pinned me down to the bed and took my clothes off. I had no idea what was happening. I thought he was going to beat me some more. She had already beaten me that day. Then he flipped me over onto my stomach...took me by the head and shoved my face further into the mattress. And he slammed into me. And he...He fucked me so hard, I thought his dick was going to come out of my skull. I...I'll never forget that pain. I felt so disgusting. At six, I...I didn't know anything about sex. I...I didn't know what it meant. But I knew I felt disgusted. I knew that it made me feel dirty. Used. Fuck...I would have taken a thousand beatings at those hands rather than suffer that. But I got both. Every day until I was 13. I...felt so much shame when I would cum every time...He would always tell me I liked it. That I was a dirty whore and that I was a piece of shit and I liked it when he hurt me so much. That I liked that horrible man touching me like that. I was raped. Every. Single. Day. Until I killed them. I vowed. I promised myself that I would never, ever let that happen to me again. That I would fight and kick and scream until I died, but I would NEVER. NEVER let anyone touch me like that again. And it happened over. and over. and over in my life. I can't fucking escape it. Maybe I should just give up on myself and let whatever happen. Fuckin' would be easier."

Cutter sat in front of Otis in silence, completely awestruck.

"Those...Those fuckin' bikers...They sounded just like them...Their hands...Were rough and calloused like his were. Th...They...They touched me...I...I can't get their hands off of my skin...I can still feel them, c-clawing at me..." Otis began to shake. Cutter wasn't sure if it was in fury or fear. "A...And they said the same things he used to...A...And I fucking...I fucking came again...a..and I didn't want it...It didn't feel good...not like you. They were so rough...They wanted to hurt me. You...You never do. You never want to hurt me..."

Cutter gently placed a hand on Otis's knee. The albino jumped, coming out of his skin, but sighed, trying to relax himself. "That's right little angel...I never want to hurt you..." He dared to brush the back of his hand against Otis's cheek.

Otis sighed, standing. "Fuck..." He wandered out to the front of the shop, and Cutter knew better than to go after him. He was done with the conversation. He felt he had exposed too much. But he couldn't place the words back in his mouth, remove them from the air like he wanted to.

Otis drove to Cutter's house that night, still uneasy from their earlier conversation. He had stayed behind a bit to work on a sculpture, and Cutter had gone home.

He walked through the door, throwing down his bag with his sketchbook and supplies in it, and froze.

"W...What's all this?"

Candles were lit, but no other lighting was provided in the house. Two takeout containers sat on the coffee table in front of the television.

"Well...Uh...I know you had kind of a bad day. And...You've been struggling. And I wanted to show you that...That it's okay. And that I still love you, even after all you told me today. Only makes me love you more, actually."

Otis shook his head. "This...This is too much I...I don't deserve this..." He was backing toward the door, his face bright red in the candlelight.

"Shhh...You're okay. You're fine." Cutter took his hand, leading him back into the living room. "It's nothing, Otis. It's nothing. Relax."

"I...I..." He continued to shake his head.

"Shhh." Cutter tipped Otis's chin up, making him look him in the eyes. "Relax. It's not much. I just got us takeout from the place you like and I got a movie for us to watch. Relax. Okay?"

Otis nodded, pausing when Cutter kissed him lightly.

"Okay. Come on over here." He led Otis to the couch, sitting down with him. "And you WILL eat that, and you WILL NOT throw it back up. Understand?"

Otis nodded, beginning to eat. He hadn't realized how hungry he was until he sat down.

When he and Cutter had finished eating, they started the movie. Cutter wrapped his arm around Otis, drawing him closer. As the film went on, Otis curled up to the older man more and more until he was completely snuggled against him, his head on his shoulder, blonde locks cascading down the front of the clown's chest. He shuddered, curling closer.

"You cold?" Cutter asked. Otis nodded, and the older man drew a blanket around the albino. "Or do you want your sweater?"

"No. This is good."

By the time the credits rolled, Otis was dozing on Cutter's shoulder, his soft snores barely reaching his ear.

Baby walked through the door, then. Not announcing herself, not knocking, just walking right on in.

"Oh! Hey daddy." She smiled sweetly.

Cutter held a finger to his lips. "Shhh. He's asleep. What're you doin' here?"

"Came to visit." Her smile changed from devious to soft and sweet. "He's really out, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Been a rough couple days."

"Mm...I was gonna ask you why he's been throwin' up lately. Guess I won't get a full answer, though."

"What? He's been doing that again?"

"Yeah. For two or three days there, but then he stopped."

"Mm..."

"Did you guys have a fight?"

"No...Uh...Something happened. But not with us. He'd kill me if I told you."

"Mmm...Damn."

He and Baby chatted on and off for a while, for what seemed like hours.

Cutter paused, smiling softly. "Hey, little angel. You awake?"

"Nnnn..." Otis moaned sleepily.

"I felt those lips brush against my neck. I know you are."

"No..."

"Yes you are." Cutter pulled away enough to kiss him. Baby giggled, and Otis jerked away, wide eyed.

"How long have you been here?!"

"Bout two hours."

"Why didn't you wake me up!?"

"You were sleeping so sound, Otis. You think I'm going to miss a chance to have you curled up to me like that? Besides, Baby knows. It's okay."

"I thought it was adorable." Baby chimed in.

Otis sputtered. God, this situation was fucked up.


	14. Chapter 14

Having a lover as attractive as Otis had its downfalls.

First of all, he drastically reduced Cutter's productivity. All he wanted to do was fuck that boy's brains out and lay in bed with him.

Second, Otis usually had women all over him.

God forbid any cute girl should come into the shop. Cutter always knew, too, when they piqued Otis's interest. Usually, an eyebrow went up and a smirk came across his features. And goddamn, was he good at being seductive.

He was a snake. And he knew it. Sleek, powerful, and dangerous.

Otis came to Cutter's home less frequently than either would like, but they couldn't arouse the suspicion of the rest of the family.

Otis dropped his bags at the door and came to sit on the couch beside Cutter, rubbing his neck.

"Botherin' ya?"

"Ain't it always?"

"Mmm..." He resumed watching the television. He felt Otis lay his head on his shoulder. "Tired?"

"Not really..." Those red eyes peered up at the clown, begging for attention.

Cutter chuckled, taking Otis's chin between his thumb and forefinger, and kissing him.

Gently pushing him against the couch, Cutter straddled him, gently caressing his hair as he kissed him.

"There. You happy now?"

"S'all I wanted all day..."

"Aww, Little Angel." Cutter stroked his face. Otis was still recovering-mentally- from his ordeal. Spaulding knew he would never fully recover, he still hadn't from his parents, and the scars would still be there. But he would be there to kiss them until they didn't hurt anymore.

Otis leaned into the tender caresses, smiling softly.

Cutter frowned, pulling Otis's hair to the side. "...I didn't leave those marks."

"Uhhh, no, you didn't. Good observation skills."

"Who did?"

Otis shrugged. "Some blonde. Picked her up at a gas station last night."

"Ok. She didn't hurt you?"

"What? No."

"Were you on top?"

"You're the only one I've ever let on top of me..."

"Really...?"

Otis nodded, his face reddening. "You uh...You're the only one I feel safe enough to..."

Cutter chuckled, kissing the albino. "I remember when you wouldn't let me touch you...Now that's all you want."

"Mm..." Otis grunted, his face reddening further.

"I'm still jealous, though."

"Hn?"

"Those marks. I need to mark what's mine." Cutter leaned in and bit Otis's neck, taking the milky white flesh between his teeth. Otis gasped, fisting the fabric of the clown's shirt. Spaulding wrapped his arms around Otis and picked him up off of the couch. Otis squeaked in alarm, stumbling into him. Cutter grabbed him again, holding their bodies close together with one strong arm as they kissed, snaking the other hand down into Otis's jeans, squeezing his ass just the way Otis liked it. Otis growled in the back of his throat, taking Cutter's bottom lip between his teeth. "Ohh, little angel. You're mine tonight."

Neither of them were quite sure how they got to the bedroom, but they did. Cutter lay Otis down, smiling at the sight before him. Otis lay, still clothed, staring at him in anticipation. He slipped one hand under Otis's shirt, feeling the lean muscle underneath. He flipped the top over Otis's head, exposing his alabaster chest. He kissed him, eliciting a gasp when he fondled Otis through the denim of his jeans.

"I missed you last night, little angel. Did you miss me?"

"Y...Yes...G...God...Cutter..."

"Mmmm...These marks on my little angel...Do I need to remind you who you belong to?"

"Nnn...Nnn..."

"What was that?"

"P...Please..."

Cutter made quick work of the rest of Otis's clothing, as well as his own. He kissed Otis's neck, relishing in the low moan he elicited out of the younger man.

"Was she as good at is as I am?"

"No..." Otis was breathless already. Cutter had learned just the right ways to get him going.

"You deserve to be treated right, little angel...Don't you know that?"

Otis just whimpered in pleasure in response. Cutter kissed down his chest, suckling heavily for blood to rise to the surface.

Cutter continued until Otis couldn't stand it anymore, bucking and writhing underneath him.

"G...God...John...Please..."

Cutter began, still kissing and nipping at Otis's neck. Otis's eyes rolled back in his head and he moaned, digging his nails into Cutter's back.

As they both worked toward climax, Cutter was somewhat shocked. Otis was rarely vocal, and even if he was, it wasn't extreme. But good god, he was moaning like a ghost underneath him, and it was driving Cutter wild. He wasn't sure if it was the combination of kissing Otis's neck and plowing him half to death, or if Otis was just really into it that night, but it was something Cutter thought he would never see.

"J...JOHN! JOHN! F...FUCK! JOHN!" Baby heard Otis screaming from upstairs as she shut the door behind her. Oh, this was too good.

Cutter fucked Otis long and hard until he screamed, and Cutter wasn't far behind.

They both heard a familiar giggle from downstairs and froze.

"Fuck..."

"Baby, don't you come up here!" Cutter yelled.

"Whyyy? I've already seen one half of that party naked!"

Cutter glared at Otis, who shrugged. "You just stay down there!"

"Fine..." Baby grumbled. The two got themselves cleaned up and dressed, wandering downstairs. "Well, at least I know Daddy's on top, now."

"Uh...Ah...Er..." Otis stammered. "I'm...I'm gonna go, I'll...I'll see you tomorrow, Cutter..."

"No you're not." Cutter wrapped an arm around Otis's waist, pulling him close and kissing him. Instinctively, Otis wrapped his arms around Cutter's neck. "You're gonna stay right here, little angel."

"But-"

"Baby doesn't mind. She knows."

"I'm just happy to see you happy, Otis." She smiled. "Although, you never screamed like that for me. The fuck is that all about?"

Otis's face lit up like a stoplight. "I...I..."

"You weren't hitting the right spot, Baby." Cutter smirked.

Somewhat reluctantly, Otis sat beside Cutter on the couch. Cutter wrapped an arm around him, like he always did, stroking Otis's hair, then turning to massaging his scalp.

Otis succumbed to the caresses and touches, falling asleep on Cutter's shoulder.

"Huh. Otis has an off button." Baby mused.

"All you have to do is be sweet to him...That's all he wants..."

"Hm?"

"He just wants affection. Just wants someone to touch him without hurting him. Just wants loved on...That's all..."

"And what do you want from him, Daddy?" Baby asked. Cutter knew the motivation behind it. As much as she loved her father, she didn't want him to just hurt Otis and move on. She knew for Otis to trust Cutter as much as he did, it was a huge milestone. She also knew how her father could be. He was good at breaking hearts.

Cutter sighed, smiling softly down at the sleeping man in his arms, who stirred slightly, whimpering. "Shhhh...You're alright." He turned to Baby again. "I want this. I'm not just using him, babygirl. You don't have to worry."

Baby nodded. "Okay."

Cutter adjusted Otis so that he was laying in his lap, and seemed more comfortable. He and Baby talked for a while, but were cut off by Otis muttering.

"Hn?" Cutter looked down, stroking Otis's hair.

"P...Please...Stop...Don't..."

"He's havin' a nightmare, Daddy..."

"I know..."

"N...No! No..." Otis flailed at invisible foes, then suddenly stopped, beginning to shake. "Stop...Please...No!"

"Shhhhh...You're alright. You're alright..." Cutter cooed.

"NO! NO! STOP! LET ME GO!" Tears rolled down Otis's face as he begged whoever was abusing him. "PLEASE! STOP!" He flailed, shoving against Cutter.

"Otis, wake up! OTIS!"

"NO! NOOOOO!"

Cutter grabbed Otis's arms, shaking him awake. Stunned red eyes stared back at him, cheeks tear stained.

"J...John...?"

"Yeah. It's me...Relax...It was just a dream..." He stroked Otis's hair out of his face, kissing him. "It's okay...Was it your parents?" He asked. Otis shook his head. "Who was it?"

"Th...Them..."

"I took care of them, Otis. They'll never hurt you again, okay?" Cutter stroked Otis's cheek as he tried to calm himself down. "Come here. It's okay." He wrapped his arms around the quaking man, holding him to his chest as he sobbed.

"D...Daddy...Who else hurt him?"

Otis stiffened. He had forgotten about Baby's presence.

"Shhh...It's okay, Otis...I'll tell you later, Baby..."

Baby sat in amazement as she watched her father comfort her brother, proving that he wasn't just there for a few good fucks and to set Otis on his own. He really did care about him.


	15. Chapter 15

Otis knew as soon as he stepped into Cutter's home that night it wasn't going to be a good one.

The house smelled like weed, and Otis wrinkled his nose in disgust. It wasn't an unfamiliar smell to him, he just didn't enjoy it. Several empty beer bottles lined the coffee table Cutter was sitting in front of, and white powder had found its way out of a little plastic baggie Otis knew all too well.

"Jesus christ...Bad day?"

"Nah! Just decided to let loose a little!"

"This...This has been for months now, Cutter...But not usually this bad..."

"So?! I'm just havin' a good time! You should be one to talk, you drink a fuck load!"

"Yeah...You're...not wrong."

"So shut the fuck up!"

"Fuck you..." Otis muttered, walking past Cutter into the kitchen.

"Come on, little angel. Give me some lovin'."

"No. Not when you're like that."

"Come onnn..." Cutter wrapped his arms around Otis's waist, burying his nose in the crook of his neck. "Come on, sweetheart...Give me some sugar."

"Go get some from your neighbor..." Otis shrugged him off.

"Nooo, come here." Cutter protested, grabbing Otis once again, trying to fondle Otis through his jeans.

"I said, no!" Otis shoved Cutter away.

Fury and drugs mixed in a deadly concoction and Cutter slammed Otis into the wall, hands tightly gripping Otis's upper arms. "And I said, give me some sugar." Cutter roughly kissed Otis, bruising the pale lips. Otis turned away, whimpering in displeasure. "Listen, you freak mother fucker. How much have I done for you, huh? Can't you fucking love me, too?! Huh?!" He shook Otis like a doll. "Don't I deserve it?! ANSWER ME! FUCKING TELL ME I DESERVE TO BE LOVED, JUST LIKE YOU FUCKING DO! YOU GET ALL THE FUCKING LOVIN' YOU WANT FROM ME, BUT GOD FOR-FUCKING-BID I WANT A LITTLE ASS BANGIN' FROM YOU, HUH!?" He shook Otis again. "ANSWER ME!"

Otis stammered, eyes wide in terror as he shook. Cutter shoved him into the wall once more, and he lowered his head in submission, flinching when Cutter moved his hands.

"Fuck...God DAMMIT, Otis! How many goddamn times is it going to take?! I've told you time and time again I wouldn't hurt you! You fucking KNOW that! How long have we been together, huh!? HOW LONG!? I've NEVER hurt you. EVER. I LOVE you, dammit! But you still don't FUCKING trust me!" Cutter screamed with rage and punched the wall next to Otis's head, crashing through the plaster. Screaming again, he turned and stuck his fist through the kitchen door. Seeing an opportunity, Otis fled, running out the back door and around the house and into his car.

The next day, when Otis came to the shop, he hesitated outside for a moment. Cutter saw his car pull in, and met him on the gravel parking lot.

"Otis..."

Otis walked passed Cutter, shoving him away as he entered the building.

"Hey, come on...Come back."

"FUCK YOU! SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU!"

"Hey...I...I know I did something horrible last night..."

"You scared the FUCK out of me! I...You put a fucking hole in the wall you...You acted just like my fucking dad..."

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, I-"

"Stop with the fucking drugs, or I walk."

"What?"

"You heard me. I'm not fucking doing this anymore. I'm not letting you treat me like that ever again. EVER. This is going to fucking stop, or I'm fucking gone."

"L...Little angel..." Cutter tried to stroke Otis's shoulder, but he flinched away. The fear was quickly replaced by anger.

"DON'T. DON'T fucking do that. I'm serious. Cut the shit, John."

"Okay...Okay...No more...No more, alright? Come here." He took Otis's face in his hands and kissed him slowly and sweetly. When he broke, he pressed his forehead against the albino's. "Are you okay...?"

Otis sighed. "I'm fine..."

"I'll do anything to make you smile again..." He rested one massive hand in the small of Otis's back, kissing him again. "I'm sorry..."

"It stops tonight." Otis looked at Cutter pointedly.

Cutter nodded.

He didn't know you could get addicted to something so fast. God, he felt awful. A few days in a row, Otis had to manage the shop while he shivered in the bed in the back room.

"I know...I know it sucks...But...I...It's better for you in the long run...I promise..." Otis stroked his forehead with a cool towel, and Cutter prayed that the aches would just stop.

"W...Water..."

Otis held the straw to Cutter's lips and let him drink. "I...I know you probably hate me right now, but...I..."

"I could never hate you..."

"I just...can't...deal with worrying about that all the time...You...You're the closest thing I've come to home...To feeling like I belong somewhere...And...And I can't do that when you're doing those...I can't put myself in that risk to be hurt again."

"I know...I know..." Cutter grimaced. "You know what you can do for me?"

"What's that?"

"Can you rub me down like I do you sometimes? I really hurt...My muscles ache..."

Otis smiled softly. "Yeah. Roll over onto your stomach."

Cutter moaned in pain and pleasure as Otis's thin, strong fingers worked the soreness out of his aching body.

Otis cared for Cutter until he was well enough to run the shop on his own again.

Cutter still had a bit of pot left, however, and Otis was going to get some payback for making him go through hell.

He had ordered takeout for Otis and himself, and had ground the herbs finely enough to go undetected. As they ate, Cutter couldn't help but chuckle to himself.

It wasn't long before he noticed that Otis was too stoned to move.

"You okay, little angel?" He laughed.

"Wha...?"

"Oh, god. Come here..." He pulled him close and held him.

"That coffee table smells good..."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. So does purple."

"I think you're high, Otis."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"Just ride it out."

"Mmm..."

"Hmm...You know what? You're gonna do somethin' else for me."

"Huh?"

Cutter stripped Otis down and took him from behind. He knew, under any other circumstances, Otis would have fought tooth and nail with him, trying desperately to get away. He hated being fucked from behind. It reminded him too much of his father, especially when he couldn't see Cutter's face.

Cutter fisted his hair, burying his face in the couch cushion as he plowed into him. Otis whimpered beneath him.

"I know you don't like this. But I've wanted to do it for a while. And you made me fuckin' stop my drugs. Made me be so miserable. You can do this for me."

When Cutter was done, he cleaned them up and pulled Otis into his lap, stroking his hair.

"See? That wasn't so bad, was it, Little Angel?" He felt moisture on his hands, and looked down. Otis's face was tear stained and red. "Shhhh...It was me...It was me...It wasn't your daddy...Or anyone else. It was just John...Shhhh..."

"I c...couldn't f...fight...""

"I know...I know...Shhhh...I said it was just me. Just Cutter...Just your teddy bear..."

"I...I know... I...I d...Don't like that..."

"I know..."

"Y...You hurt me..."

"Huh?"

"That hurt..."

"Well, my muscles hurt all week too. My entire body hurt. But you didn't care. I did it for you. You can do that for me."

Otis eventually settled enough to fall asleep, and Cutter carried him up to their bedroom, depositing him on the bed and holding him close as he too slumbered.


	16. Chapter 16

Cutter awoke before Otis, seeing that sleeping albino beside him made him tense. He knew if Otis remembered what he had done he would be pissed. He could still see the tear stains on his cheeks through the mess of white hair strewn about.

He wandered down stairs and made coffee, waiting for Otis to come to. He knew a hurricane was coming when he did.

He heard the creak of the stairs as he descended them. Cutter stayed quiet, watching.

Otis had clean clothes on, and his hair was still damp. He had showered without Cutter even noticing.

"Hey, didn't you invite me to the party when you took a shower, huh?" He reached out to grab Otis by the waist.

" _Don't_ _fucking_ _touch me_." Otis hissed, throwing a mug at him, narrowly missing.

"Little angel-"

Cutter almost froze dead in his tracks when he saw the look Otis gave him. Those red eyes could be turned to inferno when he wanted them to; he was absolutely terrifying when he was angry, let alone infuriated and insulted as he was. "I'm not your little angel. I'm not your fucking anything. I don't mean anything to you. NOTHING. You want me to trust you? You wonder how long it's going to be until I stop flinching at you? There's your fucking answer. I trusted you. I swear to god...I...I fucking trusted you!" Otis's anger started to boil into pain, and Cutter could see it in his eyes. "I...I just wanted you to stop those FUCKING drugs because god for-FUCKING-bid I found someone...I...I found someone I thought I loved. Who I thought loved me. And I wanted you to be around as long as I could have you. I wanted you to live a long life. And yeah, you scare the fucking shit out of me when you take those drugs. Because you're not my John. You're some other fuck-nut who thinks it's okay to pin me to the fucking wall and scream at me!" His voice began to shake,and he paused for a moment. "You...GOD, you FUCKER!" Otis threw a punch at Cutter, which he easily avoided. He didn't stop, though, throwing punch after punch, not really landing any. "You fucking...BETRAYED me! You...You fucking know I don't like that! What it reminds me of! You know what I've been through! And you still fucking did it! I just...I Just wanted you to be healthy, to live longer and...and stick around but you fucking PUNISHED me for it! You FUCKING ASSHOLE! God DAMMIT! I'm fucking DONE! I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS ANYMORE!" He finally landed a blow on Cutter's face; Cutter grabbed him and pinned him to the wall once again, Otis yelping in fear. "I'm FUCKING leaving!" He managed one last boast of fury before fear took over.

"Calm down..."

"FUCK YOU! YOU FUCKING PLAYED ME!"

"I didn't play you. I love you. I do. Do you think I would have told my daughter about us if I didn't? Do you think I would have told you I did if I didn't? Think I would have come to see you when you were hurting? I do love you, Otis. I do." He slowly reached up and took Otis's face in one bear-paw like hand. Otis recoiled, heart pounding in his chest."You have to believe me." He kissed him gently. "I promise...It won't happen again. I promise. I'm sorry...I really am...But...Did...Did you stop to think it was your fault?"

"W...What...?"

"Well..." He shrugged. "You made me quit the drugs...If I hadn't been so angry at you and hadn't been in so much pain, I wouldn't have taken it out on you. Wouldn't have fucked you like that, just to prove a point. It's...Really your fault..."

Otis's mind reeled. If one instance was his fault...Was all of his abuse somehow his fault, too? Was every time his father assaulted him the result of his actions? Did he deserve it?

Cutter released Otis, who stood staring dumbly.

"Please don't leave, Otis...I do love you...I promise, if you stay...It'll never happen again, okay?"

Otis sputtered for a moment. He knew he couldn't leave, could never leave- he had tasted what affection felt like. Until he was sure he could have that elsewhere, he would never be able to be without it.

About a week later, Charlie came to visit. Otis and Cutter had managed to patch themselves up and carry on, though Otis grappled with his guilt.

Otis stayed relatively out of sight, until Cutter caught him going from the kitchen back upstairs.

"Hey, come on. Sit down with us."

"I'm workin'."

"Take a break. Come on." Cutter stood, wrapping his arm around Otis's waist.

"Whoa, what the fuck?" Charlie asked.

"John-" Otis protested, face flushing as he tried to pull himself away.

"What? Come on, any other time you can't wait to get some sugar, huh?"

"That's fucking disgusting..." Charlie murmured. "You're turnin' my brother into a faggot, you little freak ass fuck? Where the fuck you come from anyway? A sideshow?"

"Shut up, Charlie. Some things just happen."

"When you brought this little wry bitch in, I never thought you'd end up fuckin'."

"Yeah, well, here we are. Now shut the fuck up."

Charlie smirked. "You know what'd fix you right up? Huh, whitey? Get you some nice pussy from me. Put you right back on the right side of the tracks. That'll fix your gay ass."

They resumed talking until Cutter got up to take a call.

"Listen you skinny little pretty boy prick. What do you want from my brother, huh? You want some money? You want some drugs? Get on the fuck outta here. You ain't fuckin' usin' him. You're a fucking greedy bitch. Get on outta here. Piece of shit. Ugly mother fucker anyhow. Fuckin' freaky red eyes and shit. Get you some fuckin' women and see how you get fixed, you faggot mother fucker."

Cutter returned, cutting off their conversation.

"I'm...gonna go back up and uh...finish...what I was workin' on."

"Alright, whatever."

It wasn't too long until Cutter ventured to bed as well, but as he ascended the stairs, he noticed the light Otis worked under wasn't on.

"You asleep already, little angel?" He asked, throwing the door open.

Otis was leaned against the dresser, sitting on the floor, sobbing.

"Holy shit, what happened?!" He knelt beside Otis, drawing him into his arms.

Otis pushed him away, struggling against him. "Give me some fuckin' space!"

"Okay...Okay...What's goin' on? Why're you so upset?"

Otis shook his head, chuckling sadly. "I never thought my life would be like this...I...I thought I would break free from my parents and it would be hard at first but it would get better and I would never be fucking abused like that again...How the fuck did I get this low? When did this fucking happen? I...I'm so fucking tired of being uncertain of the next day...I just...I just want some kind of fucking stability..."

"You have me..."

"Yeah, you! Fuck you! You're so goddamn manipulative and abusive I might as well be sleeping with my fucking father! And don't you fucking look at me like that, you KNOW it. You fucking rat bastard...Because you KNOW I need it. You KNOW I need the attention and affection, and that I'll come crawling back for more because somewhere along the line I became weak. You lured me in and now I can't get out. And maybe you mean the things you say and maybe you don't, but I'll never know for sure because I'm fucking addicted."

Otis's words cut deep, but the clown knew he wasn't wrong.

"And what the fuck is with that, too? I never..." Otis snorted. "I never thought I would willingly lay there and let some other man fuck my brains out, but here I am." He began to sob again. "God dammit...I'm not gay...What the fuck am I doing here...Why...Why does this feel so good even when you hurt me? Fuck, Charlie thinks I'm in it just to use you and abuse you and let you be...Get some money out of you or somethin'..." His sobs redoubled and he covered his face. "I just wanted to be loved. I just wanted to hear someone say that to me, goddammit!" His shoulders shook with emotion. "I just wanted to feel what it felt like to have someone touch me and not hurt because of it! I just wanted to be loved! I'm not fucking trying to use you! P...Please...Please don't make me leave...I...I don't have anywhere else to go and I can't deal with being alone anymore. I can't fucking do it. I'm so tired and I'm so scared...I'm going to fucking die alone...Please...Please don't make me leave...J...John, please...I...I'm not trying to use you, don't let him tell you I am..."

Cutter was bewildered as Otis's sorrow turned to hysteria. "Hey, shhhh...Calm down...You're okay. It's okay..." Spaulding drew the trembling albino into his arms, stroking his hair. "Shhhhh..."

"P...Please...Please don't be mad at me I'm sorry I said all those things I'm sorry..."

"No, no...You weren't wrong...You weren't wrong...shhhh..." Cutter drew away from him and took his face in his massive hands. Otis flinched back, crying out in fear. "Hey, calm down...Calm down..."

"D-d-d-don't hit me, please don't hit me..."

"I'm not. Calm down. Relax. Breathe." He took a few deep breaths, coaching Otis to do the same. "There. That's it. Just relax. Breathe." He gradually calmed Otis down, then coaxed him into bed. Cutter fell asleep long before Otis did, and he felt him toss and turn most of the night.

When sunlight filtered through the curtains and Cutter rose for the day, he didn't wake Otis, who was slumbering soundly beside him.

He found Charlie sitting at the table.

"What the fuck, man?" Cutter growled.

"What?"

"What did you say to him? You fucking scared him half to death I'm going to kick him out."

"Man, the fuck are you doin' with him anyway?"

"Listen. It's something I don't even know why, but I do know that I love him. So you can either accept it and move the fuck on, or hit the fuckin' bricks. You don't know anything that kid has been through. I don't know what you said to him to make him so upset, but I do know, if you scare him again, you'll be eating your own dick on a fork, yeah? So shut your stupid fuckin' mush mouth and get on with it."

"Alright. Alright. Damn. Must be a nice piece of ass for you to defend him."

"You have no idea." Cutter smirked.


	17. Chapter 17

Cutter knew Otis's cruel words from that night weren't far off- he really didn't treat him all that well, especially lately. He tried desperately to make a conscious effort to treat him better, he didn't deserve to be battered any longer.

Charlie stayed for a week, and when he left, Cutter grabbed Otis by the waist, spinning him around, kissing him.

"Now that we're alone again..." Cutter smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"I...uh...I would just...rather...relax..."

"Alright. You ain't been sleepin' well with Charlie here, have ya?"

"N...No...You...You're not going to argue with me?"

"No." Cutter kissed him again. "I'm gonna respect what you want."

"O...Oh...Okay..."

"Otis, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I really am. I'm going to try to be better, okay?" He took Otis's face in his hands, kissing him. "I'm trying. You deserve better."

He lay in bed with Otis as the albino slumbered, holding him close.

Days passed and cutter made genuine effort, and Otis seemed happy again, like he was settling back into the relationship, if that's what you could call their affair.

Cutter deposited Otis on his bed. They had worked together all day that day, increasing the sexual tension until neither could wait until they were done. He pushed Otis's shirt off of him and tossed it aside, nipping at the pale flesh.

"You've fucking teased me all day." Cutter growled. "Wearing that fucking tight shirt...Them jeans...mmm...God, you're fucking gorgeous." He traveled up to Otis's neck, biting him and suckling on the sensitive skin.

"F...Fuck..."

"Mm...That was very bad, teasing me like that, you know."

"Y...You gonna punish me...?" Otis questioned breathlessly.

"I just might, little angel." He claimed Otis's lips, reaching down into his jeans to cup an ass cheek. "Mm...You're much better at kissing when you're horny."

"Asshole..." Otis muttered against his lips.

Cutter finished undressing Otis, then tossed his clothes to the side. "Oh, what a sight to behold."

Otis snorted. "Ain't the first time you've seen it."

"No, but it never gets old." He began, thrusting into the younger man. "Mmm...You gonna moan for me, huh?"

"John..."

"Who's your daddy?!" Cutter cried, thrusting harder and faster, pulling Otis's hair.

He didn't notice how Otis went still underneath him, eyes wide in terror. He usually didn't really like it when Cutter was vocal, but he had grown to be able to tolerate it. However, certain things would still set him off, especially anything having to do with his father.

"Ohh, God, Otis...Give it! Give in you fuckin' whore! Oh, god! Fuckin' slut! Ohh, you like it like that, huh?! Give it to daddy! Give it to daddy! Who's your daddy?!"

Otis lay motionless beneath him, blood beginning to trickle from him.

"Oh, I'm gonna beat your brains out, you fuckin' whore! I'm gonna split your ass wide open! Oh, god! Fuck, you little albino slut. Mmmm...Your ass is so tight! God I couldn't wait to bend you fucking over today!"

Cutter only noticed that something was wrong when Otis lay lifeless underneath him after he had orgasmed.

"L...Little angel?"

Otis's eyes were squeezed tightly shut; hearing Cutter's voice, he slowly opened them. Cutter recognized that look. Full of pain, shame and fear, crimson stared back at him, on the verge of tears.

Pulling away, he saw the blood on the sheets, sticky and fresh. "Oh, shit! I'm sorry! Otis-"

Otis curled in on himself, balling himself up as tightly as he could, and began to tremble in fear.

"Shhh...Shit, I'm so sorry...I'm sorry..." Cutter drew Otis into his arms, trying to hold him as he shook. Otis screamed in terror when he first pulled him against his larger frame, not the startled yelps Cutter was used to hearing, but a genuinely terrified scream that died into an agonized groan. "It's okay. It's okay. It's me. It's just me. It's just your teddy bear. It's okay." He knew better than to push Otis, however. He usually walked a very fine line when he was this scared- he was either too petrified to move or acted extremely aggressively out of fear.

He heard Otis whimper pitifully from his ball.

"Shhhh...It's alright. It's all okay. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But it's over. It's over." He kissed Otis's head, nuzzling him lightly. "I love you, little angel."

Otis whimpered in response.

"I know you do, too. Or you wouldn't stay. I know you do, it's just hard for you to say. And I certainly don't expect to hear it from you now, when you're so scared..."

Cutter eventually got Otis calm enough to uncoil himself. He all but collapsed onto Cutter's chest, emotionally and physically exhausted.

"I love you..." Cutter murmured hesitantly.

"Mm..." Otis grunted.

"Do...you want me to pretend like that didn't happen...?"

Otis shook his head.

"Okay...Is that because you don't want it to happen again?"

Otis nodded.

"Okay. It won't. I'm so sorry...I...I don't...I'm just really sorry, okay?"

"Yeah...Okay." Otis murmured.

The next morning, Cutter joined Otis in the shower, rubbing his shoulders.

"Mm...Goodmorning..." Otis moaned, tilting his head back.

"I'm still sorry..." Cutter placed a kiss on Otis's wet skin.

Otis shrugged. "Whatever."

"I promise it won't happen again..."

"Yeah, you keep saying that and something else happens. But it's not the same thing, so I guess you keep your promise."

Cutter sighed, but quickly gasped as Otis turned around. His hips were covered in angry purple bruises. "Holy shit...Did...Did I...?" He reached out and caressed them lightly, and Otis hissed in pain.

"Yeah...You were squeezing the hell out of me. Pounding into me like you were, too...It's whatever."

"D...Do they hurt?"

"No. I jumped and made that noise because it felt good." Otis rolled his eyes.

"Otis...I...I'm so sorry..."

Otis scoffed. "Like I said. You say that and then it goes back to the same damn thing...Whatever."

"Otis-"

"Just drop it. I'm damaged- might as well get some love where I can and just accept the consequences. I'll never find it anywhere else, anyway."

Cutter felt a pang in his heart at Otis's admission, but he didn't want to argue, so he let the issue drop.

A week or two passed, and Otis still seemed relatively indifferent. Even when Cutter showed him affection, he didn't respond in the way he had, he seemed apathetic.

"Otis...Come on. Get dressed." Cutter said suddenly as they sat in the living room together.

"What?"

"We're goin' out."

"For what?"

"Dinner."

"Why?"

"Just get dressed."

Otis obeyed, getting himself cleaned up and out of his paint and blood-splattered shirt.

"Okay. Let's go." Cutter took Otis by the hand and led him to the car, then driving him into town.

"Why...Why are we here?" Otis questioned.

"I wanted to take you out. Show you off a little." Cutter smirked.

"You realize I've had sex with every waitress that works here?"

"All the better. I get to show them you're mine, not theirs. Come on."

They ventured into the restaurant and ordered their food, chatting and eating together.

"I know you haven't been eating lately."

Otis shrugged.

Cutter leaned forward, placing his hands on Otis's that were on the table. "And I know you feel trapped. Like I don't really care. But I do. I promise I do. I'm so lucky to have you. To be privileged enough to know you like I do. Not everyone gets that. I know that."

Otis's face steadily reddened as Cutter continued.

Cutter took Otis's chin between his thumb and forefinger, smiling as he kissed him lightly.

Otis reeled, leaning back in his seat. "In public...?"

"I'm not ashamed to be with you. Just because Eve can't know doesn't mean I don't want anybody to know. You're a treasure. I want everyone to be jealous."

"Why do I have a suspicion you're buttering me up to explode on me later?" Otis squinted across the table.

"I'm not. I'm not. Just relax and enjoy the food."

"...Thanks..." Otis mumbled.

"I love you, little angel."

Otis simply smiled and shook his head.

"I'm trying to be better. I honestly am. The other night...I...I'm so sorry, I just...I don't know why I thought that would be okay. I..."

"Look, I told you no matter how you hurt me, I can't leave. So why are you trying to convince me to stay?"

"Because I'm not. I want to treat you better. I want to BE better for you. I want to treat you right, and I haven't been lately. So..."

Otis nodded, but was still cautious.

The night went on relatively normally, except that Otis was still extremely guarded, and seemed pensive.

"What's the matter?" Cutter stroked his hair, pulling him closer.

"If...If that time was my fault...Because I made you quit the drugs...Then...Then was EVERY time my fault...?" Otis looked back at Cutter, eyes begging him to disagree.

"Otis..."

"Was...Was every time I was ever raped by daddy or...or those guys at the gas station or...any time I was ever abused...Was...Was that my fault?"

"No, No, little angel. I promise. I promise it wasn't...ESPECIALLY when you were a kid."

"But...if that time with you-"

"I was wrong, okay? But those times weren't your fault, okay? Listen to me. I really want this to sink in: it wasn't. your. fault."

"O...Okay..."

Cutter felt a pang of remorse. Those words that he had said in passing to get out of trouble affected Otis deeply, and made him question his own past. What else had he done to him?


	18. Chapter 18

Cutter realized he had contorted Otis's views in the most detrimental way that he could- he had made him feel like the abuse he had suffered through was his fault. He felt he had to fix what he had started.

"Hey, don't go to the shop today." Cutter murmured, stroking Otis's hair as they lay in bed together that morning.

"Huh? Why?" He asked, looking over his shoulder.

"We're goin' on a trip."

"Where?"

"Just never mind. Go get ready and get goin'."

"I'm exhausted. You kept me up half the night last night..."

"What?"

"Fuckin' snoring. Right in my ear."

Cutter snorted. "Well, you can sleep in the car on the way. You won't be able to keep your eyes open long anyway."

They both got ready and gathered what they would need for an overnight trip.

Cutter was right- Otis wasn't awake very long in the car once they had started driving. Even when Cutter stopped to get gas, he slumbered through the endeavor.

He drove for hours until they reached their destination, when he gently shook Otis awake. "We're here, little angel..."

"Hnn..? Where's here?"

"Look around."

Otis sat up, letting his eyes focus. "Mmm...I don't-" He turned his head to look around, and froze in his seat.

"Recognize it?"

He spun around to look at Cutter, eyes wide in horror.

"You're alright. Relax..."

"H...H...How...How did..."

"You told me what town you lived in growing up one night when you were real drowsy. And you described your childhood home before-"

"Why the fuck are we here?" He asked, voice shaking.

"It's just a house, Otis."

"WHY THE FUCK ARE WE HERE, JOHN!?"

"You're going to face your demons."

"Fuck you!'

"What, are you walking home?" Cutter raised an eyebrow, and Otis swallowed heavily, staring back at him. "I know I made you feel like this was your fault. I'm trying to make you face your fears, and I hope it'll make you realize it wasn't." He noticed Otis was trembling. "It's okay. There's no one in there."

"I get it I get it I get it...Don't...Don't fucking make me go in there."

"I'll be right beside you. No one will hurt you..."

As much as Otis trusted Cutter, as safe as he felt with him, that house made him feel such dread, he didn't believe that Cutter wouldn't pull something.

"Shhhh...It's okay. I promise."

"Your fucking promises don't mean shit!"

"I know. I know. I have been better though, haven't I? I've been trying."

"Y...Yeah..."

"Okay. Come on then."

Otis's mind reeled. There was no fucking way he was going in there. He spoke in a rush, "If you love me you won't make me go in there!"

Cutter smiled softly, taking Otis's hand in his. "I'm making you go in here BECAUSE I love you."

"Please...Fuck...Please, John..."

"Come on. You're going in here." He took the keys out of the ignition, knowing Otis would jump into the driver's seat and take off, and opened the door.

"John, no please...Please, I'm fucking begging you..."

"It's just a house, Otis...Just a house."

"That I was tortured in for years!"

"I want to help you. Come on..."

Otis wasn't just trembling anymore, he was shaking. Cutter opened his door and offered his hand. "No..."

"I will carry you out of this car, Driftwood."

Otis stared up at him, begging still. Cutter reached into the door and grabbed him, beginning to pull him out. "NO! NO! DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!"

"Shhhhh..." Cutter stroked his hair as he shook wildly, panting in his ear.

"N...No..." Otis whimpered. "Please don't make me go in there.

"It's just a house. No one is in there. What're you afraid of?"

"I-I...I don't know."

"You killed them, right?"

"I...I...Y...Yeah..."

Recognition flashed in Cutter's mind. "You're afraid they're still alive..."

Otis shook harder, fisting Cutter's shirt. "I-I-I...I was only 13...what if...W...What if they made it..."

"Let's go see."

"NO!"

"No one is in that house. It's abandoned. If they were still alive, I would kill them for you, okay? Come on, little angel." Cutter pulled on him slightly, but Otis grabbed the seat. "Otis." He warned. Otis let go, allowing himself to be pulled out of the car. "Are you going to go in or am I going to have to carry you in?"

"Y...You can put me down...I'll go..."

They walked to the door, Otis shaking uncontrollably. Cutter kicked the door in and shoved Otis through it.

"JOHN NO!"

"I'm coming. Relax. I'll be right beside you the whole time." He crossed the threshold and drew Otis into his arms. "Ohhh...Shhh...You're okay. I'm right here." He kissed Otis's forehead as he shook. "Come on. Let's look around, okay?"

"I...I...It...L...Looks like the way I left it..."

"Oh, yeah?"

Otis nodded. "R...Right there was Daddy's chair...I...I wasn't down here much, but...When I was, he was always in that chair."

Cutter nodded, stroking Otis's hair. He had to marvel at the change in Otis's speech whenever he talked about his parents- he always used 'Mommy' and 'Daddy', childlike forms of identification, rather than his usual vernacular.

"A...And...I...I remember Mommy cutting something in the kitchen...They always ate, but I rarely did...I was never allowed to eat at the table...If...If I did get to come downstairs, they would throw scraps to me under the table, like a dog..."

Cutter stayed silent, though his heart broke. He lead Otis through the house, finally stopping at the stairway.

"N...No." Otis shook his head.

"Yes. Come on."

"D...Downstairs wasn't bad...I wasn't allowed down here, but not up there."

"You're going. Come on. I'll carry you again."

"No..." Otis clung to his arm the whole way up the stairs. His trembling only increased as the ascended, until he could barely stand at the top of the stairs.

"Shhhh...Shhhh...Hey, look at me." He held Otis's face in his hands. "You are not that scared little boy anymore. You are a man. They can't hurt you anymore. I am here. I will protect you if anything happens."

"D...D...Don't make me do my room first. Let me look in theirs..."

"Alright. I can do that."

Otis carefully opened the door, jumping back as it creaked open.

In the worn-down old bed, now grotesquely stained with decomposition, sat two skulls; animals or burglars had taken some or most of the skeletons, but the heads remained.

"Th...they...They're still here..."

"Yes...They are..." Cutter soothed, placing a hand in the small of Otis's back. Otis startled slightly, turning back to look at Cutter. "What?"

"Th...They're gone. They're really gone..."

"They can't hurt you anymore."

Relief crashed down on Otis and he collapsed to his knees, crumpling into sobs. "A-all...All these years..." He stammered, "All these years I've been so afraid, so fucking afraid they'd be right around a corner." Sobbing, he ran his fingers through his hair. "That I...That they would find me and bring me right back here. But they're dead. They're really dead!" He grabbed one of the skulls, throwing it against the wall with a guttural cry.

Leaving Otis to deal with his demons, Cutter wandered the upstairs. There were two other bedrooms and a bathroom. One bedroom seemed to have been unoccupied, while the other was clearly Otis's.

One bed was in the middle of the wall closest to the door. The white headboard was stained with blood, as was the mattress. Rope still hung from the posts of the head board, frayed and bloodied still. The far wall had a closet; he could still see bloody hand prints and splatter. A small child's hand print, clawing to get away. Otis's. The far wall had a window that faced the street. He could imagine his lover as a child, peering longingly out that window at the children passing by. He could almost hear his cries and screams, begging his parents to stop hurting him. His heart ached; he had always believed Otis when he told his stories, now it was staring him in the face and it hurt. It hurt to know that someone he cherished as much as he did Otis was hurt this badly.

"John..." Otis murmured.

He startled, turning to face him. He seemed apprehensive. "This...This is where you were tortured as a little boy."

Otis nodded, swallowing heavily.

"Then cross this threshold. As a man."

Otis stepped into the room, overwhelmed. "I...I never thought I would make it to walk back in here. I always thought I would die here. I...I soaked that mattress with tears and blood so many times..."

"What's this?" Cutter crossed the room, picking a slip of paper out from between the floorboards. "It's...It's a letter..."

 _Please get me out of here. I don't care how I leave. Whether I escape or I die, I just want out of this place. Mommy and Daddy beat me every night. I just want them to love me. I just want to be loved. Not like Daddy does it, but like I see on the street with normal kids. I just want to be a normal little boy and be able to smile._

 _I don't have a name, so if you find this, look for the little boy with red eyes._

Cutter looked up in bewilderment at Otis. The man standing before him had written the letter in desperation and pain as a boy, and there he stood.

He folded it neatly, and placed it in his pocket, fighting tears. "C'mon. You ready?"

Otis nodded emphatically. "God, yes can we go?"

"Yeah. Come on, little angel."


	19. Chapter 19

Since they had driven for so long, Cutter decided to make a trip out of the ordeal. They stayed in a cheap motel for the night. Neither of them cared- it was some place to crash for a while, anyway.

Otis dropped his bag and climbed onto the bed, stretching.

"I'm so proud of you." Cutter offered, smiling. "You really did well."

"Mm." Otis grunted. "Aside from you having to pull me out of the car, you mean?"

"Ah, that was to be expected. You did good, kid." Cutter climbed on top of him and kissed him.

Otis looked up at him, a twinkle in his eye.

"What're you thinkin' about there, little angel?" Cutter leaned down and kissed his neck. Otis laughed easily and freely, wrapping his arms around the larger man. Something was different about Otis- he seemed freed of a hefty burden, and Cutter couldn't blame him.

Not only that, but he was much more affectionate. Usually, Otis was happy to receive, but hedged a little on giving out affection. Cutter was fine with it, but he had to admit, sometimes he needed it too.

Cutter buried his face in Otis's shoulder, pausing for a moment, and Otis nuzzled him, kissing his cheek. It took everything in Cutter not to pull away and stare at Otis in disbelief.

"Aww, little angel."

Chuckling, Otis climbed on top of Cutter, straddling him and kissing him.

"Mmm...Damn, Otis..." Cutter murmured, wrapping his arms around him. "This is unusual for you..."

"You compainin'?" He asked, drawing away and smirking.

"Hell no. Get back here." Cutter ordered, pulling Otis back to him. Otis laughed, that easy carefree laugh Cutter rarely got to hear. Cutter entwined his fingers in Otis's hair, letting the other move past the waist band of his pants. Otis's breath hitched for a moment and he froze, but continued kissing Cutter hungrily. Cutter squeezed gently, making Otis growl into his mouth. "Mmm. You like that?"

"Mmm..." Otis moaned, still kissing him.

"Oh, that's it!" Cutter growled, pushing Otis off of him and onto his back on the bed. Otis let out a startled yelp as Cutter pinned him, then drawing his arms above his head.

"J-John..." Otis squirmed, cringing slightly.

"What's wrong?" He asked, kissing Otis's neck and letting his other hand snake up his chest. Otis wiggled and struggled underneath him. He wanted to touch him, wanted to grapple with the sensations.

Cutter Pulled his shirt over the pale chest, beginning to kiss down the flesh. He freed Otis's arms and pulled Otis's pants down, followed by his boxers.

Otis writhed in pleasure beneath him as he kissed down his abdomen, then kissing his hips gently.

Otis gasped lightly, flinching slightly. "Shhhh, you're alright." Cutter murmured.

Someone knocked on the door. They both froze, but Otis began to panic, his breathing increasing and heart beginning to pound.

"Relax. Ain't no one gonna hurt you. Just lay still." With a final kiss on the chest, he rose, answering the door. "Hello?"

"Hello. Is there anything you would need for your room? I'll be back in the evening as well."

"I think we're good for now." Cutter smirked. "Maybe some towels later on, though." He shut the door, returning to Otis, taking a deep breath. "Goddamn, you look so good laying there..."

Otis chuckled. "Why don't you do something about it, then?"

"Oh, I am. Roll over."

"Huh? Cutter, there's no FUCKING way-"

"No, I know. Just trust me."

Otis obeyed, trying to crawl away in alarm as Cutter straddled him.

"Shh, shh. Relax. Relax."

Otis heard a bottle open and cringed. "Cutter, no please, I-"

"I'm not. I'm not. Just trust me." He squirted the massage cream down Otis's back, laughing as he jumped.

"F-Fuck that's cold!"

"Shhh, relax." He murmured as he began to knead Otis's muscles. "You're still so tense from all that..."

Otis whimpered in response.

"I know it was a lot, but you did so good..."

"Again, you had to carry me out of the car...How is that good?"

"Because you were so scared. SO fucking scared, but you did it anyway."

"Did I really have a choice?"

"If you would've gotten too much more worked up, yeah. I wouldn't have made you do it. I thought you were gonna have a heart attack."

"Hn!" Otis flinched as Cutter began to work his lower back. "Cutterrrrr..." He whined.

"I know. I know. I feel a knot here, though. Let me work it out."

"CU-OW!"

"Shhhh...There. It's okay. It's okay."

"Fuckin' hurt..." Otis grumbled.

"I know. But it's gonna feel better now." He continued to knead Otis's muscles, working the tension from each one of them until Otis was limp beneath him. When he was finished, he rolled Otis over, shaking his head at his sleepy protesting whimper.

"John..."

"Mm...I'm right here, little angel." He crawled back on top of him, kissing him deeply. Otis lazily responded, still in the haze of relaxation. "Mm...If this is how you get after me rubbin' you down, I'm gonna have to do it more often."

"I just always hurt...And it feels so good when you do that..."

"Little angel..." He murmured, stroking Otis's hair out of his face. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Otis shrugged. "Don't make any difference."

"Yes it-" Another knock on the door. Cutter growled and Otis sat up abruptly.

"Who the fuck is that?!" He asked, head almost colliding with Cutter's.

"The fuckin' room service guy."

"What's he want?"

"I'll fuckin' show him in a minute." He snarled. "You just stay right where you are." He opened the door, and before the scrawny man could even speak, he grabbed him by the hair and threw him in a chair, tying him to it.

"CUTTER!" Otis yelled, throwing the comforter over himself.

"What...?! What's going on?!" He asked, panicked.

"You keep interrupting us. We're here to have a good time. And you keep fucking cutting it off! I'm done with it! Now, you're gonna watch." He climbed on top of Otis again, jerking the covers away.

"Cutter, no! Not with-"

"He's tied up, Otis. He won't hurt you. It's okay. Just relax." He murmured, stroking Otis's hair and working his hands down his chest until he grabbed Otis, making him moan through grit teeth. "Come on, you're never limp for me." He stroked him gently.

"J...Jesus, Cutter..." Otis growled, kissing him.

"There we go." Cutter smirked against Otis's lips as he felt him harden in his hand. He kissed him, hand still pumping until Otis arched his back, pulling away from him.

"C...Cutter!" He cried as he rode out the ecstasy of the orgasm.

"Mmm...Look at the mess you made..." Cutter grumbled. Otis's cheeks reddened.

"H...Huh? I-I..." He was cut off with another kiss.

"Relax. I'm not mad."

"Oh, god..." Their captive whimpered. "Please let me go..."

"You think you're making it out of here alive?" Cutter asked. "There's no way."

"Please..." he moaned again.

"Shut the fuck up. You're ruining the mood." He spat, turning back to Otis. "You're so fucking beautiful..." He murmured, kissing down Otis's chest again. "And toned...And sexy..."

Otis shuddered underneath him. Cutter kissed him and bit at the pale flesh until Otis was squirming and whimpering under him.

"God...Cutter stop teasing me..." He let out a relatively high-pitched moan as Cutter hit just the spot on his neck. "Johnnn~!" He whined.

Cutter began, earning a shuddering moan from Otis when he first entered him. Slow and rhythmic, Cutter watched Otis's face. Otis bit his lip, tilting his head back and groaning in pleasure.

"There ya go. There's my sweet little angel."

"Oh, god, Cutter..." He whimpered, raking his nails down the older man's back.

When they had finished, Cutter left Otis naked on the bed. "Stay there."

"Mmph." He grumbled.

"Please let me go. Please. Please!"

"Not so much." He growled as he slit his throat.

"You don't like to have fun with your victims, do you?" Otis asked.

"No, I'm not a sadist like you."

"Call me what you want, you're still fuckin' me." He smirked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Oh, and are you a good fuck."

Otis cringed. "Maybe...not word it like that."

"Whatever. Come on. Let's get you cleaned up."

"Yeah, thanks for fuckin' letting me cum all over myself, asshole."

Cutter smirked. "I liked the image. And all them sounds you were makin'. Holy shit, Otis."

Otis shrugged past him into the shower and turned the water on. Cutter soon followed.

"I can't keep my hands off of you..." He mumbled into Otis's neck

"I'd prefer it if you didn't..."

Cutter chuckled, pulling Otis's hair to the side and kissing his neck as he stood behind him.

"Otis, you trust me?"

"Why?"

"I promise, this won't be like your dad. Come on. I bet you'll like it."

"Cutter..."

"Come on, little angel..." He whispered, letting his hand wander past Otis's waist.

Otis swallowed heavily, then nodded.

Cutter pulled him from the warmth of the shower and bent him over the counter. He heard him take in a shaky breath. "Relax. It's me..." He grazed his hand over Otis's wet skin, making him shudder in pleasure. He let out a startled squeak when he began, gritting his teeth and growling. "Relax, little angel. You're not enjoying this. I can tell. Just relax. It's me."

"Mmm..." Otis whimpered, not entirely in pleasure like Cutter was used to hearing. He stroked down Otis's back once again, letting his fingers lightly ghost his skin.

"Relaaaaax." He whispered. Finally, he felt some tension leave Otis's body. "Oh, god yes, little angel. Oh, that feels good..."

Still, Cutter could tell that Otis wasn't entirely enjoying the experience. He was too tense still, and he was desperately clutching the counter top with white knuckles.

"Otis...It's me, it's your teddy bear. Just lovin' on you like I do...It's okay."

"I-I know..."

Hoping to get Otis to relax and enjoy the sex, he reached around and wrapped his fingers around his member, beginning to stroke in rhythm with his thrusts. Otis moaned loudly, then whimpering in pleasure.

"Yeah, you like that? That feel good?" He asked. Otis nodded, biting his lip as he moaned again.

Once they had both finished, Cutter spun Otis around and kissed him deeply.

"I love you" He murmured, then pulled away, smirking. "Finish your shower, little angel."


	20. Chapter 20

When Cutter came down the stairs in the morning, Baby was sitting at the kitchen table, calm and quiet. His heart began to pound. When Baby was calm, it was never good.

"What's wrong?"

"Daddy...Uhm...Otis is in the hospital right now."

"What?! What's wrong?! What couldn't Hugo fix?!"

"Relax. You know how his Daddy beat on him?"

"Y...Yeah...?"

"Well, apparently he broke his hip a few times. He was riding one of our horses and fell off backward and...something happened. He couldn't walk...He was just screaming in pain...He...He wouldn't stop screaming...He was in so much pain...Rufus picked him up and he didn't even fuss about it...They...They have him pretty out of it right now...You know how he gets about people touchin' him...He was pretty scared..."

"Can...Can I see him?"

"I'll give you a call when everyone's gone, then you can come out and see him. Figured you'd like some private time with him. "

"Ye...Yeah. That would be nice. Maybe by then he'll have come around a little bit, too."

"I don't think so, Daddy. They're keeping him out of it...Because of the way he is, you know. So jumpy and skittish."

"Alright...Just let me know."

Hours. Cutter waited hours for that call to come. The minutes seemed to stretch into days.

Finally, the phone rang. He didn't even pick it up, just drove frantically to the hospital, meeting Baby in the lobby.

"Hey. How's he doing?"

"He's alright. I'll take you up to see him."

The elevator ride seemed to draw on until they reached the floor he was on. The hallway seemed to stretch forever.

He looked so peaceful, lying in the white bed, snowy hair splayed behind him, oxygen placed neatly in his nostrils.

"Little angel..." Cutter whispered, gently stroking his hair. "Little angel can you wake up and say hi to me?"

Otis whimpered. "John...?" He questioned, opening his eyes and trying to focus.

"Yeah, it's me. How are you feeling?"

"Hurts, John..."

"Oh, I know..." He soothed, stroking his hair. "It'll be okay. They're gonna fix you up."

"No...No, don't let 'em hurt me...Don't let 'em hurt me, John..."

"Shhhhh...I won't. Of course I won't." He gently took Otis's hand in his, kissing the calloused alabaster flesh. "You're gonna have surgery, and they'll fix you up."

"No...John no don't let 'em." Tears threatened to spill out of his eyes. "I'm scared, don't let 'em hurt me.

"It's okay. It's okay. Relax. We're all gonna be here. No one is gonna hurt you. You...No one is going to hurt you. We won't let them.

"You promise?" Otis asked, crimson eyes staring innocently and trustingly at Cutter.

He stroked the smaller man's cheek comfortingly. "I promise. I love you, little angel."

Otis smiled softly. "My John...My big teddy bear...You'll protect me..."

"That's right. I will. You'll be just fine. I promise."

"You'll be here?"

"Not right when you wake up, little angel, but after-"

"No, no...You...You said you would protect me...You can't let them hurt me, John..." Tears pushed at the corner of his eyes once more. "Please..."

"Shhhh, shh. Okay. Okay. It's okay. I'll be here. I'll protect you."

"J...John...What if..."

He kissed his hand once more, cocking his head. "What if what?"

"What if...What if they do THAT when I'm asleep...?'

"Do what?"

"W...What my Daddy did."

"Ohhhh. Little angel, no. They won't do that to you."

"H...How do you know?"

"I'll be there to protect you, remember? You think I would ever let someone hurt you like that while I'm right there?"

Otis shook his head. "No..." He paused for a moment and Cutter chuckled, wondering what pain medicine they had him on to make him like this, and how much. "I just want snuggles..."

"Well, I can give you plenty of sugar when you get better. Okay?"

"Okay..." Otis smiled dumbly as Cutter held Otis's hand to his face. "I like your scruffy face."

"I don't have a scruffy face. You have a scruffy face. I have a beard."

"Whatever. I like your beard."

"Yeah?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Well I'm glad." He rose, kissing Otis lightly.

"Where're you going?" He asked, suddenly panicked.

"Visiting hours are over, Otis. I'm going home."

"No no no. Hide under my bed. They'll never see you."

"I have to go, Otis. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"What's tomorrow?"

"Your surgery."

"Oh...On what?"

"Your hip." He answered, chuckling.

Cutter tossed and turned all night. He knew Otis would be fine. The surgeon was more than capable of fixing the problem he had- a few poorly healed breaks in his pelvis that required screws and rods to stabilize the bone. Nothing he couldn't handle. But whether he liked it or not, he loved that scrawny little albino.

He waited for that call from Baby, and time seemed to drone on again. It felt like years before he heard that phone ring.

"Hey, daddy."

"Hey...H...How is he?"

"Surgery went really well. He's in recovery now, he just got done.

"Oh, good...Has anyone seen him yet?"

"No. I went to call you right away."

"Okay. I'll be in later."

When he got the second phone call from Baby, he hurried to the hospital again.

There Otis lay again, not quite so peaceful. He looked irritable, his face contorted as he slept, or feigned sleep.

"Otis?"

He stirred, opening his eyes and smiling slightly. "John."

"Hey, how're you feeling?" He asked as he pulled up a chair beside his bed.

"Alright...Wish I could shake this haze I'm in."

"That's the anesthesia and probably the pain killers."

"Yeah, well they ain't fuckin' workin'." He grumbled.

"Does it hurt?"

"Like a son of a bitch..."

"Ohhh, little angel."

"I'm fine." He retorted. Cutter reached for his hand, but he recoiled. "Whaddya want?"

"To hold your hand. Don't be this way...We've been working on this, remember? I'm trying..."

Sighing, Otis took Cutter's hand in his own, looking hesitantly at him.

"I'm gonna take you home with me when you get out. That way you can have a nice peaceful rest without everyone running around. And I get to spend all day with you, nursing you back to health."

"Mm...That...That does...er...That does sound nice..." He admitted, blushing slightly. "I...I can take care of myself."

"I know you can. But that doesn't mean you have to." He smirked. "Last night all you wanted was cuddles."

"I was drugged."

"Yeah, but you were being so cute."

"I'm not fucking cute."

"Oh, yes you are, little angel." He chuckled, kissing Otis's nose, earning him a scowl half-changed by a small smile on Otis's face. "I love you."

Otis stared at him for a moment, then looked away. "Thanks...For being here."

"Of course I am. I told you. I love you."

Otis nodded. "Yeah...I know."

"Otis...You seemed so...So happy in Alabama...When we were together."

"Listen...I'm still pretty fucked up...I'm not sure if any of this is real..."

Cutter chuckled, taking his hand. "It's real."

"I'm also worried about someone walking in on us."

"True..." He kissed Otis's cheek again. "You didn't...I didn't break your trust, with..."

"No...Just...I felt like a big weight was off of my shoulders down there but...Now I just...I want this to be real..."

"It is real. I promise." Cutter kissed Otis's hand. "You said you like my beard last night too." He chuckled.

"Oh, god." Otis groaned.

The next day, Cutter came in when the Baby and Eve were visiting.

"John..." Eve stood, whispering.

"Hey..." He grumbled.

"Thank you for taking Otis...It'll be much better for him to rest where it's more quiet...And where he doesn't have to go up steps. You...You have a bedroom downstairs, right?"

"Yeah. It's all set up for him." He sighed. "How're ya feelin' today, kid?"

"Like shit." Otis retorted.

"What's the matter, sweetheart?" Eve asked, gently placing a hand on his.

"Pain medicine ain't workin', mama." Baby answered. "Only reason it did yesterday was because he was still looney in the head."

"I'm fine...I've had worse."

"But sweetie, they're taking care of you here. You need to tell them you're hurting."

"Ain't nothin' worse than what I've had before."

"He doesn't like how they make him feel, mom." Baby chimed in.

"Ohh, sweetie. What do you mean?"

Otis's face flushed. "It's nothing I'm fine."

"Leave him alone about it, Eve. He knows what he needs." Cutter soothed.

"You're right..." She muttered. "I miss you, John..."

Otis internally cringed as his head whipped around to look at Cutter. He felt sick suddenly. If Cutter thought Eve would take him back, where did that leave him?

"Eve, you're just saying that because you're worried and flustered. You don't mean that."

Otis felt himself relax. Cutter wasn't going anywhere.


	21. Chapter 21

"Alright. Now how're we gonna get you out of this car?"

"Please dear god not the same way you got me in." Otis whimpered.

"I know. I'm sorry I hurt you...I didn't mean to."

"I know..." He fidgeted in his seat.

"Alright. Just...Can you slide out?"

"I think..." Otis cringed as he moved, carefully shifting his weight. Cutter grabbed him, picking him up and pulling him against his chest, kissing him.

"Mmm...I needed that so bad." He released Otis on the ground, letting him curl into his chest. Otis wrapped his arms around him, nuzzling into his shoulder. Cutter wrapped him in a protective embrace, kissing his head. "I love you."

Otis mumbled, cuddling into him further.

"Come on. Let's get you inside and settled in bed, huh?"

Otis nodded, hobbling alongside Cutter on his singular crutch.

"You got yourself?" He asked, gently placing an arm on Otis's shoulder.

"Yeah. I'm fine."

He lead Otis to the guest bedroom and helped him settle on the bed, sighing as he cringed. "You hurtin'?"

"Yeah...Just movin' around on it is makin' it hurt is all."

"Okay. Where's your pain pills?"

"Don't need 'em."

"Otis-"

"I said I don't need them." He grumbled.

"Alright. Alright. I hear ya." Cutter gently stroked Otis's hair, trailing down to his cheek. Otis leaned in to his touches. "I hated not being able to see you...You really needed me...And I couldn't be there for you."

"I mean..." Otis shrugged. "It would have been nice having you there, but it's not like I was pissed you weren't. I understood."

"I saw your face when Eve said she missed me yesterday."

Otis began to blush. "Oh...Yeah."

"I know you love me. You just have a hard time saying it."

Otis nodded. "I do...A-and...I know now that...You really do, too..."

Cutter smiled. "Good. That doesn't mean I'm going to stop trying to be better for you...I know I made a lot of mistakes."

Otis snorted, smiling. "Yeah. And loving me was one of them."

"Otis, stop it. I know you think you're fooling people by playing it off like you're joking when you say shit like that but you're not fooling anyone."

He looked down at his hands, fiddling with his thumbs.

"You are more than worth loving. So stop it."

Otis nodded. "O..Okay..."

Cutter leaned closely, gently and sweetly kissing Otis, resting his hand on the hip opposite of his injured one.

The kiss lasted longer than either of them realized. Slow, passionate and caring. Laden with emotion, their lips moved together.

Cutter finally broke away. "Get some rest. I'm right here if you need anything."

"I'm fine. I-..."

Cutter cocked his head. "What were you going to say?"

He hesitated, biting his lip. "...I missed you."

He smiled softly, taking Otis's hand in his larger, bear paw like grip. "I missed you too, little angel. But I'll be right here. You need to rest a little bit. That was a lot on you, I know. We can talk later."

Otis's face turned a subtle red as he nodded.

"What's wrong?"

"Uhm...You..You won't lay with me?"

The clown laughed. "Don't even try to hide it from me you want me to hold you." He guffawed as Otis's face turned a bright red. "Awww..." He kissed Otis lightly. "Don't be so bashful about it. I'm glad you want that from me...But not right now. I'm not gonna risk hurting you, okay?"

"Mm...Alright." He conceded, settling into the bed that Cutter had carefully and lovingly fluffed and prepared for him, just the way he liked it.

"I'll be out in the living room if you need me, okay?"

"Yeah...Alright." He muttered, already drifting into sleep. Cutter settled on the sofa to rest himself.

He wasn't sure how long he was asleep, but when he sat up, he saw a sight he hadn't been prepared for- Otis hobbling his way to the kitchen.

"What in the fuck are you doing up?!"

Otis startled, then cringed. "Aaaah...I just needed a drink..."

"Why didn't you ask me?!"

"Because I can get it myself!"

"You're recovering from surgery!"

"I can get myself a damned glass of water!"

"Otis." Cutter stood, placing a hand on either of his shoulders. "You are supposed to be resting, and keeping off of that hip. Are you doing either one of those things?"

"Yes!"

"You're standing in front of me after hobbling to the kitchen." He stated flatly.

"Well not right this second!"

"Let me take care of you. Please. I want to take care of you."

"I can take care of myself!"

He sighed. "I know. I know. But you don't have to take care of yourself. You don't have to go this alone."

"I've had much worse than this without anyone helpin' me."

"I know. But you don't have to do this alone, like I said. Why won't you let me help you?"

"Because I can do this myself!"

"I know you can. I know. I know. I know. But you don't have to, goddammit let me help because I love you! I WANT to take care of you. Please. You...I know you always wanted people to care for you and love you. So let me."

He sighed. "Fine. Fine...And you're right..."

"I know I am." Cutter smiled, stroking Otis's hair behind his ear. "It's okay." He kissed him gently, tipping his chin up. "Get back in bed."

"I needed to walk around a little bit my ass was asleep!"

"Mmm. Wish I could do something to make it wake up." He smirked.

"Why can't ya?"

"Because you just had surgery on your hip and I'm not about to hurt you."

"Mmmm...Fine..."

"Go lay back down. I'll get you some water."

Otis obeyed and Cutter poured him a glass of water, sitting beside him on the bed and wrapping his arm around him. Otis tried to hide a smile at the contact, but when Cutter kissed his cheek, he couldn't help but chuckle, turning his head to the side and stealing a kiss.

Cutter laughed. "You little thief." He kissed Otis's head. "I'm so glad you're okay."

He chuckled. "Thanks."

"I was so worried about you."

"I've had so, so much worse John...You have no idea."

"I know...But I don't have any idea, so I was worried and wanted you to be okay."

Otis settled on Cutter's shoulder, sighing contentedly. "Thank you..."

"For what?"

"For...For everything..."

Cutter smiled. He knew exactly what Otis meant.


	22. Chapter 22

Cutter wandered in to the spare room to check on Otis. He had only been home a day, and only 4 days post-op.

"Little angel." He murmured, stroking Otis's hair. He stirred, opening his eyes slowly. "Sorry. I can never tell when you're asleep or just resting..."

"S'okay..." He replied groggily. "What's wrong...?"

"Nothing. Just checking on you. You getting hungry? It's about lunch time."

"Mm..." He grunted, settling back into his pillows once more.

Cutter chuckled, stroking Otis's face. "Come on. You've gotta eat to keep healing."

"I'll get fat. Can't get up and move around." He replied. Cutter knew he was groggy- there was no way in his right mind he would admit that.

"You will not. And even if you did, I would still love you."

Otis grunted again. "All I want is a real hot bath..."

"I know, but you can't get that incision wet...Speaking of..." He pulled Otis's blanket off. It was getting time to change the dressing on it. Groaning, Otis swatted his hands away.

"Nooooo leave me alone..." He whined. "Jus' wanna sleep..."

He laughed. "Usually YOU'RE the one wakin' ME up wanting attention. You didn't sleep too well in the hospital, didja?"

"Always fuckin' pokin' and proddin'..."

"I know...But now you're in...relatively your own bed resting. I understand." He kissed Otis's forehead. "I'll let you sleep a little while longer, but I'm changing that gauze later."

Otis grumbled as he settled back to sleep, and Cutter clanked about in the kitchen.

He heard Otis clunk behind him on his crutch. "What in the FUCK are you doing?" He asked, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

"I could ask the same to you." He kissed Otis's forehead. "What're you doing out of bed?"

"Mm..." He rested his head on Cutter's collarbone, curling his body into his warmth.

"I've never seen you so sleepy." Cutter remarked, stroking Otis's back gently. "Or so cuddly."

"I just...Can't wake up today..."

"Well, that's fine. You sure need some rest." He stroked Otis's hair and kissed his head. "Why don't you go back to bed and I'll get us some lunch?"

"Because I just got the whole way out here."

"You're going to irritate that hip, Otis."

"You make me sound like an old man." He deadpanned.

"No, no. You just had surgery." He murmured into Otis's hair as he buried his face in the white locks.

Otis all but purred, nuzzling further into Cutter's neck.

The clown laughed. "That all you wanted, huh? Was some lovin'?"

"You ain't givin' me none." He retorted.

"I just don't want to hurt you..."

"Ain't gonna break..." He grumbled.

"I know you're not. But I want you to get better so we can get back to being us."

The albino sighed, giving in. He knew Cutter was right- he just hated being deprived of those touches now that he had grown used to them.

"Go back to bed. I'll bring us lunch."

"Fine..." He hobbled back the hallway, carefully lowering himself back into the bed.

They ate together, Cutter wrapping one arm protectively around Otis.

"You okay?" He asked. Otis didn't seem quite right.

"Y...Yeah..."

"You're hurtin'..."

Otis nodded. "Little bit..."

"I'll go get you some pain medicine."

"Don't bother. Won't take it."

"Why?"

"It makes me all...spacey. Besides, it's not that bad. I can deal with it."

"Alright...Just so you're sure."

After he had cleaned up their meal, Cutter pulled down Otis's sweatpants, exposing the bandages on his hip.

"Hi. Hello. Nice of you to offer."

"Not a chance." Cutter snorted.

"I can do this myself. Give me what I need."

"Otis. Let me do this. Let me take care of you." He snorted. "Aww, they shaved you."

Otis glared. "Seriously?"

"Sorry. Thought it was funny."

"Hilarious."

An image flashed through Cutter's mind: Otis lying lifeless on an operating table. Them cutting him open. Exposing bone. The sound of the bonesaw. Screw driver. Power tools.

He shook his head, shaking the images from his mind as he peeled back the bandage.

"Holy SHIT..." He couldn't help but utter.

"What? What?!"

"It's...That's a big incision..." The wound carefully snaked it's way along the line of Otis's hip, down to his groin. Cutter could imagine them flipping the skin back on either side.

"Yyyyyeah? I had 4 breaks on that side that needed fixed..."

"Ohhh...Little angel..."

Otis heard the concern and sadness in Cutter's voice. He gently caressed his head. "I'm...I'm fine, John..."

"I know... That's just a big cut..."

He shrugged. "It'll heal."

Once he had re-dressed Otis's wound, he sat with him, one arm around his smaller companion.

"You okay? He asked as Otis fidgeted.

"Yeah...Just...hurtin'."

"Sure you don't want a pain pill?"

"Don't want one."

"Alright. Alright."

He noticed Otis becoming more and more distressed as time went on.

"Shhhh..." He cooed, rubbing small circled on the back of Otis's neck with his thumb. "You okay? Just relax...What's going on?"

"Just thumpin'..."

"Why don't you take something for it?"

"Because I had worse..."

"Okay..." He continued to try and soothe Otis, gently caressing him- rubbing those small circles in Otis's pale flesh.

Otis leaned in to the touches, moaning softly- in pain or pleasure, Cutter wasn't sure.

Finally, Otis wrenched his head, biting his lip. "MM!"

"What's wrong? What did I do?"

"Not you...Just hurts..." He whimpered, trying to adjust himself so his hip would stop pounding. He growled in agony as he jerked just the wrong way.

"I think you should take something..."

Otis turned, eyes now glazed over with pain and exhaustion, and nodded. "Okay...Fine..." Cutter knew what kind of astronomical pain he had to be in to admit it, and hurried to get his medicine.

After swallowing the dreaded white pill, Otis settled back on Cutter's arm. "There you go...Just relax..."

"Sorry..."

"For what, little angel?" He kissed Otis's head. "I love you...You know that. I don't mind taking care of you." He reached around, stroking Otis's cheek lightly with his thumb.

"Mmm..." Otis kissed Cutter's hand.

"Stop apologizing for everything. You don't apologize to anyone else. Why me? Because I care for you? Stop it."

Those eyes. Those ruby eyes stared up at him so thoughtfully- full of relief and admiration. Cutter chuckled and squeezed his shoulders.

Otis cuddled into him, burying his head in the crook of Cutter's neck and eventually falling asleep, snoring softly on the clown's chest.

Cutter chuckled. "You spoiled brat. You wanted me to hold you."

He swore he saw Otis smirk in his sleep.


	23. Chapter 23

Cutter noticed that Otis slept more soundly when he was with him. There was no screaming from nightmares or thrashing at invisible ghosts that haunted him. Though Cutter found out exactly why Otis hated taking pain killers.

As the tired albino slumbered peacefully on his chest, he caressed his hair lightly, admiring Otis's features. He noticed those features contort slightly in pain.

"Shhhh, little angel. What's wrong...?" He cooed.

"Daddyyyyy..."

"No, it's me. It's your teddy bear. It's John..."

"Daddy no...No! NO!" He swung, struggling madly against cutter for a moment.

"Relax. Relax. They're not here, see?" He kissed Otis's forehead. His eyes were open, but he trembled in fear, peering into a corner of the room. He whimpered, curling into Cutter more. "Shhhhh...What's wrong? What's wrong?"

"H...He's here..."

"Who's here?" Cutter asked.

"D...Daddy..." Otis moaned. "He's g...Gonna hurt me...John...He's gonna hurt me..."

"Where is he, Otis?"

"Right there! Can't you see him?!" Otis pointed into the corner. "D...Don't...Please don't let him...John, please...I...It's so different w...when we...Please don't let him do that to me...I...Please John!" Tears began to fall down Otis's cheeks, and Cutter stared back, bewildered. He had never expected to see Otis cry. Not in his lifetime. But here he was, sobbing and trembling over a hallucination of his father.

"Shhhh...I would never, EVER let anyone hurt you like that ever again. It's okay. I'll protect you from him."

"P...Please don't let him hurt me...Please don't let him hurt me..." He begged, looking into the corner.

"It's okay." He gently stroked Otis's hair, pulling his attention away. "Don't look at him."

"It's not like you lovin' on me...H...He...It's not like that at all when he does it! Please..."

"I know. I know...I would never let anyone hurt you, Otis. Relax."

He curled into Cutter's chest, sobbing and shaking until he fell asleep once more. Cutter sighed in relief as Otis's breathing slowed. Otis sobbing scared the hell out of him. To see someone so powerful and virile sobbing and quaking in fear was truly a sight to behold.

"Hnn...John...?" Otis murmured.

"Yes, little angel?" He asked, gently stroking Otis's flank. He smiled softly, dumbly.

"Mmm...Feels so good..."

"Me touchin' you?"

"Mm-hmm. Always feels so good. Feels so good to have someone touchin' me and not hurtin' me..."

"Awww..."

"I really like it when you do that thing you do? You know?" Otis smirked.

"N...Not entirely, no." He chuckled. It seemed that every time Otis fell asleep he was going to get a different one when he woke up.

"Mmmm...When you touch me all over my chest when you're fuckin' me. Oh my god, that feels soooo good. Running your hands all over me. Oh, god, when you put your hands on my ribs and stroke my sides with your thumbs. " Otis licked his lips. "That's my favorite."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. I don't like it when you touch my nipples, though. That's a little odd. Or when you're kissin' down my chest and you kiss my nipples. Don't do that anymore."

"Sorry." He laughed. "What about pulling your hair?"

"Mmmm..." Otis shrugged. "If you ever fuck me from behind again, I want you to pull on my hair. Hard. That would be hot."

"Oh, did you like that?"

He shrugged again. "I got to enjoy it. It was really scary at first."

"Does it hurt when I kiss your hips?"

"No. Just scared the bejeezus out of me. Don't know why."

"Hmmm. Are my fingers off limits for..." Cutter raised an eyebrow.

"No. Just not randomly or like...Without anything else."

Cutter laughed outright. He knew there would be no way he would be getting this out of Otis otherwise.

"I'm so horny..." Otis whined.

"No, you're so sleepy and you THINK you're horny. Go back to sleep." He kissed Otis's head.

"How do you know...?" He asked, curling up to Cutter again.

"Because I'm your teddy bear."

"Right..." He grumbled, dozing off once more. He could have laid there forever watching his little angel sleep so peacefully, one hand on the other man's chest, his head tucked into his neck and curled up to him on his side.

When Otis began to stir again, Cutter braced himself. Which Otis would he get this time?

"Hnnn..." He grumbled. "Hey..."

"Hello." Cutter answered. "What's goin' on?"

"Nothin'..." He nuzzled Cutter's chest. "what've you been doin'?"

"Just watching you sleep."

"Hn. Sounds entertaining."

"Oh, it was. You hallucinated that your father was here and then told me all of your sexual preferences."

"Oh, jesus."

"You don't like me touching your nipples, apparently."

"Well, no, but-"

"And you want me to pull your hair if we ever fuck doggy-style again."

Otis's face reddened.

"Hearin' you talk like that got me all excited..."

"Yeah, can't do anything, though..." He grumbled.

"Oh, we can do something." He answered, pulling down Otis's underwear.

"John?"

Cutter took Otis into his mouth and Otis shuddered, fisting the sheets.

"God..." He moaned breathlessly. He felt Cutter's hand snake up the bed, then felt two fingers enter him. He moaned loudly, almost screaming.

Cutter began to move his fingers in and out of Otis as he stroked himself with his free hand.

"John! John!" Otis cried as he squirmed. Cutter smirked. He had found Otis's spot almost too easily. He howled and wailed in pleasure, writhing against the sheets, biting his lip and moaning.

He felt Otis's hand rub his bald head as it bobbed up and down. He didn't have anything to grab on to, so he settled for caressing him.

He continued until he released, then continued for Otis. When Otis finally screamed his name, he cleaned the both of them up.

"Oh, I needed that." Cutter sighed.

"You think YOU did..." Otis retorted.

"You have no idea how irresistible you are, do you? How fucking hot you are?"

Otis shrugged. "Guess I'm alright."

"Oh, little angel. You are so much more than alright." He straddled Otis, carefully avoiding his incision, and caressed him, just as Otis had described liking so well.

"Oh, god..." Otis moaned, closing his eyes.

"Told me how much you loved this, too. You just love being touched..."

"Nnn..." Otis answered from ecstasy. "I don't know why that feels so good but God..." He sighed happily.

"Probably because you always wanted it so bad and people only hurt you."

"Mmm..." Otis practically purred beneath Cutter's gentle caresses. He smiled softly at the older man, chuckling. "What?"

"I want to make you happy."

"You do..."

"Good...Perfect." He kissed Otis's chest once. "I love you."

Staring up at him, those crimson eyes dancing in the light, Otis swallowed heavily. "I...I...I love you too...I love you too, John..."

"W...What?"

"I-I..." Otis shrunk back into the sheets.

"Shhhh. I'm not mad. Why would I be mad? I'm...I'm so, so happy little angel. Oh my god..." He took Otis's face in his hands and kissed him passionately. When he finally broke away, Otis chuckled.

"I love you, John..." He smiled hugely, red eyes twinkling.

"I love you so much..." He answered.


	24. Chapter 24

Otis lay curled up to Cutter, sleeping soundly into the morning. One arm wrapped around Cutter's pudgy middle, head resting on his chest. Cutter had one arm snuggly around his waist. The albino stirred slightly, whimpering in his sleep.

"Shhhh...You're okay." He stroked Otis's face with his free hand. Red eyes fluttered open to meet his brown. "You're alright. Go back to sleep." He kissed Otis's head, and he settled into him again.

He wasn't sure how much time passed, but it wasn't long enough for him before Baby came crashing through the door. He felt Otis's grip around him tighten as he whimpered in protest. "It's okay. Just Baby."

Otis mumbled something and was snoring softly again before Baby made it to the room they were sleeping in. "Hey, Daddy!"

Cutter put a silencing finger up to his lips. "He's asleep. Just be a little quiet, okay?"

Baby reared back for a moment, then shook her head, unbelieving of the sight before her.

"What's wrong?" Her father asked.

"I just...never thought you...Would be this good to him. I...I always thought you were just using him...But...I guess not."

"No...No, I do love him, Vera."

She smiled softly. "He's so damn cute cuddled up to you like that...Makes me forget how scary and mean he can be."

"Mm...This little rattlesnake can bite, that's for damn sure. But you just gotta be sweet to him."

"And I can't believe you are."

"Oh, you ain't seen nothin'." He smirked. "Watch this." He feigned laughter, and Otis groaned and rubbed his eyes.

"John..." He murmured. "John what're you laughin' at...?"

"Nothin, little angel."

"You were laughin'..." He rubbed his eyes more, trying desperately to rub the sleep out of them.. "I could feel it in your chest..."

"Aw, I'm sorry I woke you up."

"Mmm..." He grumbled. Cutter adjusted so that he was laying on his side, facing Otis. He placed a hand on either of his cheeks and kissed him.

"Hi, sexy."

"More like sleepy..."

"Awwww...Those pills really kick the shit out of you, huh?"

"Mm-hmm..." Otis tried to burrow into Cutter's chest.

"Hey, let me see your face." Cutter lightly pushed him away, earning a frown. "Ohh, come on." He stroked Otis's hair behind his ear. "I love you."

"Love you too..." Otis replied, a wide smile spreading across his face as he did.

"It feels good to say that, doesn't it?"

Otis nodded, still smiling up at him, red eyes twinkling.

"Your sister is here."

"Huh?" Otis sat up and was startled by Baby's presence. "AH!" He cried in alarm, grappling for Cutter. "Jesus CHRIST, Baby!"

"You two are so cute!" She clapped with glee. "I just came to see how you were doin', Otis. You look good. A little lovin's been good to you, I see."

Otis grumbled in reply.

As he recovered for a few more weeks, Otis grew stronger. Cutter was glad he was feeling better, but he would miss snuggling up to him at night. When the day came to take Otis's stitches out, he drove Otis to the doctor's office and got out with him.

"Huh? I'll be fine. You can just wait here."

"No. I want to go in with you."

Otis shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets and walking in.

The doctor seemed pleased with the way he was healing, watching Otis's gait. "You're not even limping!"

"No. Feel pretty good." Otis replied.

"Uh..." He turned to Cutter, who was sitting in a chair facing the examination table. "You...may want to leave. I'm going to take his stitches out and he's going to have to undress..."

"N...No...He...He can stay." Otis sighed.

"Alright." The doctor shrugged. Once he had undressed, he placed a blue sheet over Otis's manhood as he began to pull the staples out of the long incision.

"Cutter...?" Otis asked. "Cutter, you alright?"

He felt himself begin to swoon. He could kill people and hurt them just fine. But something about watching that string come out of his little angel's skin was getting to him.

"Cutter!" He heard Otis yell before colliding with the floor.

Once he had come to, they drove home, Otis laughing and chiding him the whole way.

"Hey, watch it. You're officially allowed to have sex now and I just might take it out on you if you keep teasing me like that."

"Oh, yeah?" He licked his lips. "Show me."

He threw Otis over his shoulder, carrying him out of the truck and into the house, then depositing him on the bed. He noticed Otis cringe. "Oh, shit! I'm sorry!"

"Wasn't my hip, it was my back."

"Nnn...Maybe I shouldn't...I...I don't want to hurt you..."

"I'm not gonna fuckin' break, Cutter."

"Mm..." He hesitated. "I...I don't know...I get gon' on you and I can't control myself..."

"The doctor said I could, goddammit!"

"I just..."

"Fine! If you're too afraid to hurt me, let me have a ride!" He undressed himself hurriedly, then all but tore Cutter's pants off. "Roll over!"

He did, smirking at Otis's fury. God, he was hot with his face slightly red in anger, barking orders at him.

It was hot until Otis slammed into him without any warning. "Ow!"

"Relax, it won't hurt as much." He snarled, building a rhythm. Cutter couldn't help but moan. The sensation was an odd one- mixed with pain and pleasure. It stung, god did it sting, but it also filled him with a euphoria. "I'll show you how fragile I am!" He growled, pounding into Cutter harder- despite how impossible the clown thought that would be. "You wanna feel what it's like to be loved by me?! I'll fuckin' show you!"

"Ah! Fuck! That hurts! Otis!" He reached behind him, trying to grab the smaller man.

"I know it does! Aaah... God you're tight..." He bit his lip, groaning in pleasure. Cutter felt him move and shuddered as his angle changed. He squirmed underneath him, a move Otis mistook for him trying to get away. "Ohhh no you fuckin' don't. You are MINE." He slapped Cutter's ass, eliciting a startled yelp. "You think I'm weak? I'll fuckin' show you how strong I am." Cutter froze, then felt him slowly lick his back. He moaned and shuddered, despite the slight fear he felt. "Nnn. You like that, huh?"

"Y...Yes..." He murmured, feeling Otis's warm palm on his back.

"Relax. You did it to me."

Cutter gulped as Otis began slowly again. Pleasure built and he moaned, but as he did, Otis increased his speed and force to that pounding thrust that almost made Cutter gag. He felt warm fluid trickle down his thigh and squeezed his eyes shut.

"What's the matter, don't you like it? Are you scared?!"

"Y...Yes..." He managed. He wasn't entirely sure if he was, or if he just wanted to satisfy Otis.

"Not so fun, being fucked so hard you can feel it in your teeth, is it?" Cutter's silence didn't satisfy him. "IS IT!?"

"N...No..." He bit and fisted the bedsheets as he came, shuddering beneath Otis.

"I'm not that fucking fragile, hopeless bitch that you rescued a year ago!" Otis screamed as he pounded into him a few final times collapsing on top of the larger man.

Cutter lay beneath him, mind spinning. Everything in his body hurt, but god had it felt good, too. He did enjoy having Otis inside of him, but not quite like that. He was pissed off, and when Otis was pissed off, the world knew it, but especially Cutter's ass at the moment.

Otis stood, still panting. "I'm not fucking breakable."

"Who are you trying to convince?" Cutter asked, rolling over and cringing.

Otis glared and sat down in the chair in the bedroom, still naked.

"What a sight, what a sight." He smirked, his bravado masking the whirlwind of thoughts in his head.

Once Otis had caught his breath, he stood, running a hand through his hair. "I'm gettin' a shower."

"Am I invited?"

"No."


	25. Chapter 25

It had been a few days since Otis had spent the night at Cutter's home, and he was craving some white meat. He found Otis in the garage, bent over a car hood, grunting and grumbling into the motor.

"Fuckin' thing...Goddamn...Doesn't fit..."

"I know something that _does_ fit." Cutter purred, grabbing Otis's ass.

"JESUS!" He jumped out of his skin, almost cracking his head on the perched hood of the car. "John...You scared the fuck out of me..."

"Mm...I would like to fuck the fear out of you."

Otis's eyes widened, and Cutter wasn't sure why. He hadn't ever really reacted that way toward him.

Grumbling again, Otis leaned back into the car, turning away from Cutter.

"Hey, come on. That can wait, can't it?" He probed his fingers under Otis's shirt.

"Get out of here..." Otis swatted Cutter's hand away. "I'm tryin' to think."

"I'm still sore from you the last time, little angel. My little angel can turn into a little devil sometimes, huh?"

"Cutter-"

"What? Aren't you in the mood?" Cutter ground his erection into Otis's backside. Otis bit his lip, trying to hold back a moan. "Come on. You're never not in the mood."

"John-"

"Come on, Otis...Give me a little..." He continued grinding himself against the smaller man, hoping to arouse him. He knew it was working, Otis just needed a little push.

Gaining his bearings, Otis tried desperately to ignore him, bending back into the car's hood again, almost shoulder deep into the engine. As blood began to flood his other head, he found it harder and harder to concentrate with Cutter moving against him like that.

"Little angel..." Cutter murmured hotly against his skin once Otis had raised back up. "Please..." He reached around, stroking Otis lightly through denim. Finally unable to hold it in anymore, Otis gave a low groan of pleasure. "Mmmm-hmmmm..."

"John..." Otis pleaded. They were going to get caught- but Otis couldn't get the warning quite worded in his head.

"If you're hungry I know something that could fill you up..."

Otis snorted. "Not a chance in hell." He rose slightly from the engine, just removing his arm from the depths of the car as Cutter spin him around so that they were face to face. Fisting Otis's hair, cutter crashed his lips into Otis's. Startled at first by the aggression, Otis grabbed Cutter's shirt, jerking hard on the fabric. He felt his lips bruise, and whimpered into the clown's mouth, then turning into a low whine as he relaxed.

"Yeah, make them sounds for me little angel." He kissed down Otis's jaw, then settling on his neck. Otis desperately tried to stifle a moan as Cutter found just the right spot, but failed. He picked Otis up and placed him on the open hood of the car, claiming his lips once more.

Neither of them heard the car door slam, nor did they hear the footsteps coming around to the hood.

"Otis, who in the FUCK are you talkin-" Rufus's jaw dropped when he laid eyes on the scene before him.

They froze, both still locking lips as they peered at Rufus peripherally. Cutter felt Otis's grip tighten on him, those lithe artist's fingers digging into his flesh. Otis was the first to break away. His first instinct, once he had unfrozen himself, was to bolt, but Cutter held him there, even as he struggled.

"Hey, whoa. Where're you going?! We have a situation in case you didn't notice!"

Fearful crimson eyes stared up at Cutter as Otis began to shake.

"It's okay, we'll get this sorted-"

"Were you HURTING him?!" Rufus bellowed, startling both of them. He grabbed cutter by his shirt, picking him up and throwing him against the wall.

"I wasn't hurting him! Rufus! Put me down you behemoth mother fucker!"

Otis's jaw dropped this time as he witnessed his brother's anger, simply glad it wasn't directed at him, but also thankful for his protection. Regaining his wits, he stood and placed a hand on Rufus's arm.

"L...Let him down, man...He...He wasn't..." Otis sighed. "He wasn't hurting me..."

Rufus let Cutter slide down the wall, placing him on his feet again.

"What the FUCK is going on!?" RJ demanded.

Otis began to tremble again, completely unsure of how to react in the situation. He swallowed heavily, rubbing the back of his neck- a nervous fidget he had always had.

"Shhhh..." Cutter smoothed Otis's hair and let his hand fall in the small of his back.

"DOES SOMEONE WANT TO EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT I'M LOOKING AT?!"

Otis crumpled, his legs giving out from underneath him. Cutter grabbed him before he hit the ground, barely able to keep ahold of him through his trembling. "Hey. It's okay. It's okay."

"W-W-We're f...fucked...J...John..."

"No, we're gonna tell Rufus and he's going to understand. It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay."

"What the FUCK am I going to understand?! What is going on?!"

Otis flinched and curled into Cutter more.

"And WHY is he acting like that?! What did you do to him?!"

"I didn't do anything to him but yelling scares the fuck out of him so I suggest you knock it off!" Cutter snapped back. "Don't you remember what happened to him?! If you get him wound up like this you can't yell at him...You can't yell at him when he's all stressed out..."

"Are...Are you two..."

"Rufus. We're together. I know it's...Odd and strange and whatever else, but we are and you CAN'T tell Eve-"

Rufus lowered his eyes. "And just what's stopping me?"

"Ohhh God..." Otis groaned. Rufus's eyes widened. "J...John, I told you. I told you we're fucked...He's gonna tell her, and she'll fucking kill you and kick me out and then what the fuck will I do?! John..."

"That's what's stopping you." Cutter hissed. "Do you want him back on the streets again? He's finally happy. He finally has a place where he belongs. Do you want to ruin all that?"

"N...No..."

"Then I suggest you keep that big mouth of yours shut, lummox."

Rufus snarled suddenly. "I swear to God if you hurt him, or if you're...You're hurting him and he doesn't really want this there won't be enough of you to bury."

"Understood."

That night, Otis and Rufus sat in the garage across from each other, the only light from a few candles, an open six pack between the two of them.

"So...You...You're gay?"

Otis shook his head.

"But-"

"I know."

"I don't understand."

"I don't either."

Rufus nodded. "Uhm...I guess...Some things just happen, right?"

Otis looked up at him, making eye contact for the first time since Rufus had seen he and Cutter playing tonsil hockey.

"Doesn't always need an explanation..."

Otis returned his gaze to his hands, holding an empty beer bottle.

"Listen, man. I'm not judging you. I promise I'm not. I just want to know what's going on. I...I know how he is, and I want to make sure he's not manipulating you or trying to hurt you."

"It's not like that."

"Is he good to you?"

Otis nodded.

"He's obviously good WITH you. I saw the way he can calm you down."

Otis's face reddened in the candle light.

"You're still pretty skittish, huh?"

The albino nodded, leaning back in his chair finally.

"He doesn't hit you?"

"No..." Otis swallowed heavily, venturing his gaze up to Rufus's face once again. "He's...He's very..."

"Go ahead, dude. It's all good. You can talk to me."

He nodded, continuing. "A-All...All my life all I wanted was affection...Because I never got it before..." He rubbed his arm nervously, a habit he had picked up from Cutter. Whenever Otis was nervous, Cutter would gently stroke his arm. "And...He's more than willing to...To..."

"Good. So he cares about you."

"He tells me he loves me, RJ." Otis murmured.

The silence hung heavily in the garage for a moment as the two men sat together.

Finally, Rufus spoke. "I bet that's a big thing for you."

Otis nodded. "Yeah...Never heard that before."

"Do you tell him you love him too?"

Biting his lip, Otis slowly nodded.

"And I'm sure that's a big step, too."

"Yeah..."

"So, how's the sex?"

Otis snorted, shaking his head.

"Hey, come on. I know one thing- he sucks at kissing, apparently."

"He's not always like that." Otis smirked, finally comfortable again. "Besides, I wouldn't know."

"What?"

"Never kissed anyone but him."

"Really!?"

"Huh-uh."

"Do you still uh...Do you guys..."

"Yes, we both still fuck women on the side."

"Never even one of them?"

"No."

"Jesus, man. We need to get you a girl."

Otis chuckled again. "Jesus..."

"You're the bottom, ain't cha?"

Otis glared.

"I KNEW IT!"


	26. Chapter 26

Cutter picked Otis up and threw him on the bed unceremoniously, hands ripping at his clothes. Pulling that worn-out tank top over his head and fumbling with the belt of his jeans, kissing him hungrily, greedily. He felt Otis moan into his mouth, driving him on. Otis snaked his fingers around the back of Cutter's neck, pulling him even closer. Cutter let one hand gently caress Otis's torso, moving slowly along the warm flesh, knowing how Otis loved the sensation.

"Mmm..." Otis broke away for a moment, red eyes locking with brown. "You've been thinking about this all day haven't you..." He asked, biting his bottom lip.

"Of course I was, little angel." Cutter murmured, almost growling as he let his tongue trail Otis's jawline. "I've been waiting all day for a taste of you." He nibbled, then bit down on the skin between Otis's neck and shoulder. Otis whimpered in a mix of pain and pleasure underneath him, squirming.

"J-John..." He stammered, raking his nails into his spine.

"Shhhh..." He caressed Otis's face, leaving his thumb over Otis's lips. Staring into those chocolate eyes, Otis lay beneath him, wordlessly begging for more.

"What, little angel?"

"Don't leave me hangin' John." Otis bit Cutter's thumb, then gently suckled on it. "Take me like you've been daydreamin' about."

"Oh my god..." Cutter growled, setting back to Otis's neck, where he nibbled and sucked until he tasted the copper tinge of blood, leaving Otis trembling and moaning beneath him. He kissed down the alabaster chest, now slick with sweat. "Mmmm-mm. Look at you." He licked Otis's flank, grabbing his ass and squeezing, just the way he knew Otis liked it. "So fucking gorgeous...I can't resist you."

"Mmm..." Otis groaned, arching his hips. Unable to take the tease, Cutter flipped Otis's legs on his shoulders and pounded into him. Otis cried out initially, but once Cutter fell into a rhythm, he had Otis screaming beneath him. "HARDER JOHN, HARDER!" He begged, digging those muscular finger's into the clown's back, head tilted back in ecstasy.

"God, Little Angel, how much harder you want it?" He panted

"Oh, god, please John!" He whined. "Fuck me harder!"

Otis shocked him by grabbing his face and pulling him down to kiss him, slipping his tongue passed the clown's teeth slightly, just enough to taste the inside of his mouth. "Oh, hell yeah little angel. Now you're talking." He barely had time to get the words out before Otis's lips were crashing against his again, hungry, needful. Cutter fisted Otis's hair and wrenched his head to the side, kissing and nibbling at his neck again. Otis whined and squirmed, scratching at Cutter's back as he grappled with the sensations. "Oh, God little angel you gotta stop makin' them noises you're gonna make this a lot shorter than I want it..." He grunted. "You want it rough tonight, huh?"

"Please! Ah! GOD!" Otis screamed as Cutter changed angles inside of him.

"Like that? huh? You want it that way?"

"D...Don't...Stop." He murmured breathlessly, venturing his eyes open.

Cutter kissed Otis, this time slipping his tongue into the albino's mouth. He moaned, wrapping his arms around Cutter's neck.

After they were both satisfied, Cutter lay, holding Otis closely to his body, nuzzled into the crook of the younger man's neck. "Hey, Otis. Got somethin' to tell you."

"Hnn..?" He groaned sleepily.

"Are you awake over there" He asked, chuckling and peppering Otis's neck with kisses. He shrugged his shoulders and whimpered.

"Get out of heerrre."

"So, did I ever tell you what my dream was?"

"No...?"

"I wanted to be a real clown...for a circus or somethin', you know? Makin' kids laugh and smile. Well...There's a circus comin' and I put in for a job workin' there. Being a clown."

"Do you know if you got it yet?"

"No, not yet. But I hope I do. Means I won't be home for about a week or so, though."

"I think I can manage."

"You won't be pissed at me?"

"No...?" Otis peered over his shoulder. "SHOULD I be?"

"Well, no. Just won't be spendin' as much time with you as all."

"Mm. Don't worry about that none."

"So you support me?"

"What the FUCK John? Do you WANT me to be mad and all pissed off?"

"No."

"So shut up and let me go to sleep."

Otis had never seen Cutter as happy as he was the day he got the letter saying he was accepted to be a clown at the circus. Otis couldn't help but smile, too. He was happy for Cutter, achieving his dream, as he had called it.

When Cutter came home the week he was working, Otis was usually long asleep. He tried not to wake his lover as he crawled into bed- he knew how valuable sleep was for Otis, since he would probably wake up screaming in a few hours and wouldn't go back to sleep. He watched the slumbering albino for a few moments as he drifted off. How delicate he looked, lying there so peacefully, curled around a pillow, blankets up to his ribs. Otis was peaceful- a rare sight. The wrinkles smoothed from his forehead and under his eyes, he looked much younger. Cutter wondered what he would have looked like had his early years not been so cruel. He held back the urge to gently stroke Otis's face, and settled himself into slumber.

In the middle of the night, he felt strong fingers curling around his shirt, pulling him close. Felt that cold, angular nose burrow into his chest.

"Mm...You have a nightmare?"

"John...I'm sorry...I didn't mean to wake you, I know you're tired..."

"No, no. It's okay. Come here. Doesn't matter how tired I am if you need me." Cutter held Otis closely as he drifted back into sleep.

He desperately wished Otis would be there one night, just to see him perform. Just to see him live his dream. He wanted to share that happiness with his lover. Felt a need to. But he knew Otis would be an anxious wreck in crowds of people this large, with all the noise and closeness that a circus brought. Let alone how some of the other people were that worked there- very outward about just about everything.

He knew Otis wouldn't show, but desperately wanted him to.

The last night of the show, he scanned the crowd as he always did, looking for that shock of white hair to no avail. He tried not to be hurt or disappointed, but he had wanted Otis's support.

As he trudged back to the dressing room, he saw a familiar silhouette leaning against his designated area. And god damn did he look good: ripped jeans and those dusty cowboy boots, a tight fitting white tank top under an open-front flannel and that stupid cowboy hat he couldn't decide if he loved or hated.

He couldn't help the smile growing on his face as he approached Otis, who was too busy looking for him in the crowd to spot him right away, but when he did, he stood up straight and smirked back at him.

"You came..." Cutter murmured.

Otis shrugged. "It was important to you."

"You have no idea how much this means to me...How much I appreciate you being here."

"Mm. Yeah I do. Uh..." Otis turned, fetching items off of Cutter's mirror. "Everyone else is gettin' flowers but...I got you a coke and a cupcake from that shop down town..."

It didn't matter that every other performer was in that dressing room at that second. Cutter pulled Otis against his body and claimed his lips, stroking his face tenderly, the other hand still around Otis's waist.

When he finally broke away, Otis pushed on Cutter's chest, pushing himself away as his face flushed. He could feel eyes on them and desperately wanted to hide.

"What's wrong?"

"Y-You don't do that in public...There's other people here, John..."

"Do what?"

"Kiss me..."

"I'm not ashamed of you, little angel." He gave him another quick peck on the lips. "Far from it."

"Y...You kissed me in public..."

"Yeah?"

"You've never done that before..."

"I'm sorry, I got caught up in the moment."

Otis tried to kill the smile spreading on his face, but Cutter knew better.

"Makes you happy, huh?" The clown chuckled. Otis nodded. Cutter took Otis's chin between his thumb and forefinger and kissed him again. "Well, you make me happy. You being here makes me happy. And I'm proud to show you off. These people won't judge us, Otis. Come on. Let's get home." He took Otis's long, thin artist's hand in his massive bear-paw hand and led him out of the dressing room, fingers entwined.


	27. Chapter 27

Otis stayed at the Firefly house, hoping to avoid arousing suspicion that he was spending so much time at Cutter's place.

When he traveled down the stairs that morning, putting on a pot of coffee, Rufus startled him.

"Where you been man?"

"AH! Jesus RJ!"

"Sorry...You always gonna be jumpy with me?"

Otis sighed. "Yeah, probably. I...I was at Cutter's..."

"Been worried about you, is all. Mama and Baby weren't but...I dunno..."

"What, you wanna start somethin' with me too?" Otis smirked over his shoulder.

"Yech. No offense but hell no."

"Y'know. That's what I would have thought a few months ago, too-"

"A FEW MONTHS?! HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON?!"

Otis jumped, dropping the coffee mug and spilling the boiling liquid onto his feet, breaking the mug as it crashed to the floor.

"Otis? You alright?"

He peered at Rufus out of his peripheral vision, not daring to move. He was frozen in place, hand gripping the side of the sink.

"S...Sorry man. I get so used to yellin' around here I forget you're about as jumpy as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs..."

Otis still didn't move.

"You're alright man. Relax. Chill. It's all good. I'm...I'm not mad or anything if that's what you're worried about...I was just...confused..."

Otis let out a sigh of held breath. "You either need to stop fuckin' yellin' every time we talk or I need to get used to it. Not sure which one would be easier."

"Anyway, how long has it been going on?"

"Er...Since...before Christmas and my birthday so...six... months?"

"Damn. Wish I could keep a relationship that long."

Otis scoffed, bending to pick up the pieces of broken glass. "It's not a relationship."

"Really? Then what is it?"

"I..."

"You spend the night continually at his house, he apparently means the world to you, you feel safe with you, you're having sex with him. He tells you he loves you. Otis, if it's not a relationship, what is it?"

Otis fell silent, staring blankly at Rufus.

"Didn't you ever think of it before?"

"No..." Otis shook his head. "N...NO, because we...We have sex with other people it's not like-"

"Okay, but at the end of the day, whose arms are you in?"

Otis bit his lip. "Fuck..."

"Hey, we'll talk later man. Mom's comin' down."

As the day wound to a close, Rufus and Otis sat in the garage, an open case of beer between them in candlelight once again.

"How did...How did this all come about?"

Otis shook his head. "I...I don't even know...He just...One day we started foolin' around..." he trailed off. There was a part to this story he didn't know if he should tell RJ. He knew he would get pissed if he knew Cutter had hurt him.

"There's something you're not telling me." Rufus boomed. "What is it?"

"H...He..." Otis sighed. "So, it was just...like...making out and kissing my neck at first...And then...Somehow we ended up in bed together. S...So...I...H-He...He was in a pissy mood one day and he...He really hurt me and I..." He rubbed his face. "Jesus, RJ..."

"It's all good. Keep goin'."

"I stopped eating because I was scared and I didn't know...Didn't know what to do...He...He was giving me what I wanted and I got addicted to the affection he was giving me and then...H...He was so fuckin' mean that day...And he came back over here and asked me to give him another chance..."

"Why did you give it to him?"

"Because I craved affection...I became addicted to it...He...He hasn't ever been...well..."

"What." Rufus growled.

Otis gulped. "W...Well...I got him to stop doing drugs and...He got mad at me because of the withdrawal hurt so much a-and...He took it out on me. And before that he got really bad one night and pinned me to a wall..."

"Otis Jesus christ why are you still over there?!"

"Because he's not like that anymore...I-I...We had a talk one night, when Charlie came and I...He's been different since. He...He's okay now..."

"Mm...How so?"

"He...He hasn't done anything like that in a good long while...And...He makes it a point to show me..."

"Show you what?"

"That he loves me..."

"And you believe him?"

"Y...Yeah?"

"I'm...I'm sorry man I just know how much you've been through and I don't want anyone else to hurt you. You've had enough of that shit for ten people."

Otis nodded. "Thanks, man..."

"He needs to work on his fuckin' game though." Rufus quipped, lightening the mood.

Otis laughed. "What do you mean?"

"He really thinks that slobbering all over you when he's kissing is a turn on? I needed a shower FOR you!"

Laughing still, Otis shook his head. "He's not always like that."

"No?"

"No...He uh...He knows."

"Knows what?"

Otis's face reddened. "What I like."

"He doesn't hurt you, does he?"

"Not unless I ask him to."

Rufus squinted. "With the shit you been through I wouldn't think you'd like that."

He shrugged. "Mm. Usually no, but sometimes."

"You ever top?"

"How did you know I was bottom?!"

Taking a swig of his beer, Rufus laughed. "I can pick up on things, dude. Come on. Dish."

"Yeah. Not really my...favorite..."

"You lazy fuck. Don't like doing the work in cars OR sex!"

"Hey!"

"Oral?"

Otis wrinkled his nose. "Not a fan of giving. Not really receiving, either. Not from him, anyway. Now, women, on the other hand." Otis smirked, taking a drink of beer and nodding. "Hell yeah."

"Why?"

"Cutter has a beard."

"AGH GOD!" Rufus gagged while Otis howled in laughter.

"What?! It's true!"

"I KNOW BUT OH MY GOD." He shook his head, downing the rest of his bottle. "Why don't you ever come home after you're there."

Otis paused, peering at Rufus for a moment. "...I like to snuggle..."

"Mm... So it's not the sex for you that really gets you, is it? It's the connection with someone..."

"I like being touched without it being to be beaten for once in my life."

"I'll drink to that." They clinked bottles together.


	28. Chapter 28

Otis awaited Cutter's arrival back at the clown's house. He had been struggling lately- his nightmares were getting worse and he could feel himself slipping into darkness like he had numerous times. The pain of his parents' abuse never went away, just dulled occasionally to tolerable levels. Now it seared beneath the surface, and the voices in Otis's head that were usually dull whispers now screamed at him.

He hadn't eaten that day. He was hoping that his big fat clown's jovial manner and tender heart would heal some of his aches, enough to beat back the monsters in his head for the time being. He had made a promise to Cutter that he would never let himself get that bad again, and he intended to keep it- he just needed some coaxing.

"Cutter?! You here?!"

The voice sliced through Otis. It wasn't his clown- it was his brother. Sighing, he stood and shambled to the door, his fluffy beige sweater falling to the side.

"He ain't here right now but I am, whaddya want?"

"Oh jesus christ, he still fuckin' you?" Charlie seemed genuinely disappointed and angered by Otis's presence, not just teasing like he usually was.

Otis narrowed his eyes. "The fuck is it to you?"

"Because he's wastin' his fuckin' time on a piece of shit like you. What the fuck does he see in you, man? You're just some lanky punk ass little freak piece of shit who came wanderin' in here. What kind of fuckin' diseases you got, little whore? Huh? You're fucking disgusting."

"Fuck off. You don't know anything about me and you certainly don't know about he and I." Usually, Otis would have retaliated much more strongly to 'freak', but he was emotionally exhausted and just wanted to avoid an argument until Cutter came home.

"Is...That his sweater?"

"Yeah. Birthday gift."

Charlie guffawed. "Jesus christ that is RICH! He gave you an old fuckin' hand-me-down?! Why?! To cuddle with?!"

"Dude, just leave me the fuck alone, will ya? John'll be home in a bit..."

Charlie licked his lips. "John?"

"Yeah, Cutter, I mean."

"Oh, I know what his real name is. No one calls him that anymore."

"I do."

"No, you know what? I'm not gonna leave you alone. I'm gonna see what's holdin' his balls at attention!" He grabbed Otis, pinning him to the wall by the throat. Otis struggled furiously, screaming against his hand. "Oh, you're a feisty little fucker ain't ya?" He tightened his grip on Otis's throat until Otis saw stars, then blackness.

When he awoke, he was bound at the wrists and ankles and had a gag in his mouth, lying on the floor of their- Cutter's- bedroom.

"Good. You're awake. Let's see what all the fuss is about." He tried to grab Otis, but he turned himself over on his side and started to wiggle away, thrashing violently against Charlie's touch. "You little fucker, come here!" He grabbed Otis and slammed him into the floor. Otis growled in agony, not even fully releasing a cry before Charlie began to beat him, blows falling on his ribs and stomach. "You gonna be good for uncle Charlie?! Huh?!"

Otis trembled. God, he wished John would just come home.

"I fucking hate you. And you know what? I don't really know why. I think it's because you turned my brother into a faggot, you fucking freakshow piece of shit. You ain't worth the brains God gave you and you'll never fuckin' be worth anything. Not even if you latch on to Cutter and suck the life out of him. You're a pussy piece of shit and it disgusts me." A few more swift kicks. Tears ran down Otis's face. "You cryin' already? Oh, baby, let me give you somethin' to cry about."

He flopped Otis over his knee, spanking him until blood stained the alabaster skin. Feeling the albino tremble in his arms seemed to drive on his fury, and he forced Otis onto his knees, then shoving his chest to the floor.

"You gonna wanna bite down on that gag, asshole." He plunged into Otis, making him scream and desperately try to struggle away. "Oooh, yeah, keep on wrigglin' like that honey oooh yes yes yes. Oh you little whore, you little FUCKING whore oh my yes."

Otis gagged behind the cloth as Charlie muttered and moaned. When he finally heard Charlie scream, he opened his eyes. The evidence that Charlie had hit his spot was beneath him. He prayed he didn't notice.

Charlie flipped the gag out of Otis's mouth, and the albino cowered and flinched. "Now was that so bad?"

"P-Please...Let me go...I...I promise I won't tell John just please, please let me go...Please don't hurt me anymore."

"Oh, we just gettin' started baby. Come on." He lay Otis on his back. "Ooh! Look at you! Havin' a little fun on your own eh, whorey?" He laughed. "Alright now, we gonna get you goin' good now." He grabbed Otis's face, one large hand spreading across his jaw, and kissed him, shoving his tongue into his mouth. Otis struggled and flailed, to no avail. "What, don't you like that? Don't your 'Johnny' kiss you that way?"

"P...Please..." Tears fell from Otis's eyes as he begged. "Please just let me go..."

"Oh, I'm havin' fun now." He shoved his tongue into Otis's mouth again, making him gag loudly. "Oh, come on you have bigger things in your mouth on the regular I'm sure."

With that, he entered Otis again, roughly, crudely, making him scream into his mouth.

Charlie made it through another round before he was exhausted, untying Otis and kicking him one last time.

"Get yourself cleaned up. You're a fuckin' mess."

Otis quickly showered and drove home. Any second longer in that house with Charlie could have meant danger.

Otis stayed away from Cutter's until Charlie had left, but those few days were absolute hell for him. He let himself spiral like he had promised Cutter he wouldn't- stopped eating and sleeping. Only came out of his room when he had to. The worst part was that Cutter was too busy enjoying Charlie's company to notice, and Otis wouldn't dare tell him what had happened- wouldn't ruin their bond.

When he finally did venture over to John's home, the older man suspected something was wrong. Otis hadn't flinched at his advances in weeks, maybe months, but he had begun to cower at every move again.

"Come here, little angel." He beckoned Otis, who obediently curled against the larger man's side, letting out a sigh of contentment as those strong arms wrapped him in safety.

As one thing led to another and Otis was thrown against Cutter's bed, he began to panic. Here, this room. He could see the exact spot on the floor where it had happened. He tried to push it out of his mind as Cutter kissed down his neck. Tried to resist the urge to grab him and shove him away.

"What's the matter?" Cutter asked, drawing away. "You ain't yourself. What's wrong?"

"N...No, I'm fine. Sorry...Come on, John..."

"Mm...Alright. Alright." He began to strip Otis, pulling that grungy tank top over his head, and drew away.

"W...What?"

"Otis...Where did those bruises come from. Those ain't love bites."

"H...Huh?" Otis had forgotten- how had he forgotten?- how Charlie had beaten him. About the bruises that littered his alabaster skin. "Oh, shit...J...John, don't be mad. Please don't be mad-"

"What. Happened. Otis?" He demanded. "Where else did you get knocked around?"

He began to tremble, staring up at Cutter's brown eyes, now clouded with fury. "I-I..."

"WHO HURT YOU!?" He thundered, making tears spill down Otis's face as he trembled.

"Charlie!" Otis barked, avoiding eye contact with Cutter.

"What...?"

"He fuckin' hates me because he thinks I'm using you...H-He...He came here when I was here alone a-and..." Fleetingly looking into Cutter's eyes, Otis whimpered.

Cutter stood upright, jaw dropping. "O...Otis. Stand up and take your clothes off. I want to see what he did."

"N...No...John, don't-"

"Please, Otis. Just let me see."

Obeying, he stood and slowly exposed himself, trembling and shivering as he stood nude in the middle of the room.

"Turn around."

"John-"

"It's okay, Otis. I'm not mad at you. Just turn around."

Cutter growled in fury when he saw the hand prints on Otis's backside. The blood still welling under the surface from the cruel slaps.

"Okay. Now tell me honestly. Did...Did he..."

Otis crumpled on himself, beginning to sob uncontrollably. "John, I didn't want it I didn't cheat on you, I swear! H-He...He fucked me twice but I didn't want it I didn't, I swear. I swear!"

"Where. Where did he do this to you."

"R...Right h-here..."

"He raped you. In my own fucking house? He hurt you right here, in this room?"

"J-John, I'm sorry-"

"No. It's not you who has to be sorry. I'm going to fucking kill him."


	29. Chapter 29

"John, no, I don't-"

"He fucking HURT you Otis. What're you defending him for?! Are you NUTS?!"

"I-I...I don't want to ruin your relationship with your brother. I'm...I'm not worth it."

"What?"

"He's all you have of your family, I don't want to-"

"You fuckin' think he had to rape you? Huh? That was HIS choice. HE did that. HE made that choice. He already pushed me away. And it's not your fucking fault so don't you blame yourself." He closed the distance between them, slowly placing his hand on Otis's waist. "Come here."

Those strong arms wrapped Otis in a warm embrace and he sighed, curling into him.

"It's okay now." He murmured into Otis's hair. "Come on. Get your clothes back on and we'll lay down, yeah?"

"No, you get undressed." He retorted.

"Little angel, are you..."

"I just...want to feel you, okay? I don't know about...About having sex but I just..."

"Okay. You don't have to explain to me." Cutter undressed as Otis settled on the bed, watching him. "Do you hurt?"

"Yeah. I'm a little sore."

"Want me to kiss 'em and make 'em better?" Cutter smirked, flopping down beside Otis.

He snorted. "Yeah, kiss my ass."

Cutter grimaced. "Yeah, he really swatted you, huh?"

"Mm..." Otis grunted. Cutter turned over and pinned Otis to the bed, kissing him abruptly and running his hands down his flanks.

Otis reared back, trying desperately to get away, pushing on Cutter to try and move him.

"Hey, shh, shh. It's okay."

Staring up at him, red eyes wide and horrified, Otis panted, frozen in fear now.

"It's okay. It's just me. Come here." Cutter manipulated him so that Otis was sitting in his lap, strong arms wrapped around his thin frame.

"H...Hn? John?"

"You hurt, don't you?"

"I...I always do..."

"Here, let me make you feel good."

"John, I don't...Want sex right now."

"Don't have to be sex to make you feel good."

Otis whimpered as strong hands began to knead his neck, fat thumbs working the taut muscles.

"That okay? Am I hurting you?"

"No...Feels good."

"Relax little angel. It's me. Just relax."

He whimpered again, leaning farther back against the larger man. "Oh god...That feels so good..."

"It always makes me smile how much you like to be touched. You're just dying to be loved, aren't you little angel?" He asked as he began to move down Otis's back, working out painful knots as he pressed his face into Otis's neck. Otis flinched, gasping slightly as Cutter worked a particularly painful area. "Shhhh, it's alright. You're okay. You're just a little tender."

"Y...Yeah..."

"I love you." He cooed, beginning to kiss Otis's neck. Cutter heard Otis's sharp intake of breath and shuddering moan.

"John..." He moaned, arching his back.

"Mmm...God you are beautiful. You are such a gorgeous man." He murmured as he stroked Otis's thighs between his own. "You've made white my favorite color." He chuckled. "I love you so much..."

Otis tilted his head to the side, giving Cutter better access.

"Ohh, I know you like that, don't you?"

"Mmm..." He mumbled, a small smile on his face.

"I love that smile."

"You're good at getting it out of me." Otis murmured, tilting his head back onto Spaulding's shoulder.

Cutter planted a sweet kiss on Otis's cheek. "Mm. Didn't shave, huh?"

"No. Didn't feel like it...Sorry."

"Can I have a kiss?"

"Huh?" Otis turned, scrutinizing him.

"What, aren't you gonna give me one?"

"You NEVER ask..."

"Well, given what just happened I thought I should ask for some sugar before I just took it."

Chuckling, Otis turned and met the clown's lips. "You don't have to ask..."

"Oh, yeah?" He let his arms settle against Otis's stomach, nuzzling into the albino's neck. Otis sighed contentedly, melting into the other man's form. "Then how about I give you some more." He returned to Otis's neck, gently stroking his thighs with his large calloused hands.

Otis squirmed, whimpering slightly and gripping Cutter's legs.

"Let go. Just relax. Just let go." Cutter moved his hands from Otis's thighs to his trunk, exploring his musculature. He heard a shaky sigh as he began to suckle Otis's neck. Peering down at Otis's lap, he chuckled. "Gettin' you all excited, huh?" He felt Otis's face grow hot next to his, and knew he was blushing. "You want to?"

"John, I hurt too bad...I-I..."

Cutter's grip around Otis's middle tightened. "He was that rough with you...?" He paused "Did...Did he make you bleed?" Otis nodded in response.

"D...Don't get mad..."

"I'm not mad at you...Not at all. I'm so fucking pissed at him...How could he hurt you like that...? How could anyone hurt you...?"

"You've done it your fair share of times too, John...It's easy to hurt me."

He sighed. "I'm sorry...I've gotten better though."

"Yeah, you have..."

"I'm sorry about before...I didn't know what I had."

"Hn?" Otis turned to him again. "Didn't know what you had?"

Cutter smiled softly, placing a light kiss on Otis's lips. "Someone who really cares about me. Who just wants to be loved by me and doesn't ask for much else, if anything else. Someone who just wants me to be the best me, really cares about my health...You just care so much...And I was a fool and was selfish and threw that back in your face. I had no idea what kind of blessin' I had with you. To have you want love from me...You don't need shit from anyone, Otis. You're an independent little shit. But to have you want it from ME? I...That's incredible. Your affection...Your love isn't easily won, but somehow I did, and I kept it even through being like an asshole. You have no idea...No idea how much that means to me. How lucky I am to have you. After all you've been through you find comfort in me." He smirked, nuzzling into Otis's neck. "Not to mention you're one sexy mother fucker. Mm...You're so fucking hot..." He traced down Otis's abdomen, moving slower as his hand trailed lower.

Otis took the clown's hand in his, moving it back to his thigh and sighing. "N...No..."

"Oh, come on. You don't even have to do any of the work. Let me make you feel good."

"Nn...You are...Just..."

"Okay. I get it. That's okay."

"Y-You...You really mean all that?"

"Yes. Why?"

"It's...not my birthday...W...Why are you being so nice?"

"Because something horrible happened to you and I want to make you feel better...Because I love you."

"I love you too..." Otis murmured. "I'm not...I'm not just using you..."

"I know, little angel. I know." He squeezed Otis tightly, kissing his head.


	30. Chapter 30

"John, where we goin'?" Otis asked, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"Just get in the car." He retorted, kissing Otis's forehead. "It'll be fun."

"Mm..." Otis obeyed, reclining his seat and sleeping the whole way, only rousing himself when Cutter stopped the car.

"Wake up, little angel."

"Where-" His eyes widened as he sat up. "John no. No. John don't make me go in there. JOHN!"

"Shhh. Relax. I got a plan."

Charlie lurched up from his ledger when he heard the door slam open.

"Eyyy, Cutter what's up? What brings you down here?"

"I think you damn well know, you asshole."

His face changed suddenly- guarded, knowing. "Look, man. I don't know what you're doing with him-"

"It doesn't matter. What you did is fucking WRONG. Do you know how many times he's been hurt?"

"Cutter, he's fuckin' using you. He's gonna suck the life out of you-"

"The fuck he is. He got me off drugs, Charlie. He stayed with me until I had gone through withdrawal and he stayed with me after I gave him hell for it. He cares. He really truly cares. And he just wants to be loved."

"Man, he's a piece of shit. He's a freak of nature! What're you doing with him? You're not even gay!"

"You're right. But I do love him. And he's no freak- he just looks a little different. But by god, he deserves to be loved and goddammit I'm going to give it to him. And you have no right. NO right whatsoever to determine that for me. And you...You fucking hurt him like that. How DARE you. How DARE YOU HURT MY LITTLE ANGEL!" He swung at Charlie, making solid contact and spinning him in his chair.

"Ugh!" Charlie sputtered. "Cutter, goddammit-"

"Don't you EVER lay a hand on him again. Do you understand me? Don't you ever hurt my little angel ever again. He's been hurt so much in his life...I'm his protector. Don't you ever fuckin' lay a hand on him again. EVER. Or So help me I will fucking end your life."

"Alright, man alright. Calm down." They heard a loud, shrill scream and Otis's cruel laugh- the one he reserved for when he was being particularly sadistic with one of his victims.

"What the fuck?!"

"Don't you worry about that. Figured eye for an eye, ey? You raped him and beat him. He's taking care of one part of that right now. With your best girl. You won't be able to sell her for a while."

"You fucker..."

"You fucking hurt him so much. He won't let me touch him. You miserable cock. I worked so hard with him. So fucking hard with him to get him to trust me. And you hurt him again. How dare you desecrate him like that."

"You're just mad I had your piece of ass." Charlie spat. Cutter back handed him.

"Don't you dare talk about him like that. No one fucking hurts him. Not anymore. No one." Cutter grabbed Charlie by the front of his shirt, throwing him onto the ground and kicking him in the stomach. "NO ONE!"

Cutter continued to throw blows at Charlie through threats and promises, until he heard Otis descending the stairs.

"John...Is...Is he here-" Otis's eyes widened at the sight of the man on the floor, unaware that he was battered. "Shit, cutter-"

"He ain't gonna hurt you, Otis. Come on down."

"N...No..."

"I'm sorry..." Charlie croaked. "I'm sorry I hurt you. John...John really does love you...and I know you love him...I'm sorry...I'm sorry I was so cruel..."

"Never lay a fucking hand on him again. Do you understand me?" Cutter snarled, wrapping his arm around Otis's frame. "Did you take care of her, Otis?"

He snorted. "Didn't you hear her screamin'? I took care of her, alright. She won't be at work for a while. She's going to be...A little sore."

"What'd you do to her?!" Charlie growled.

"The same goddamn thing you did to me, you fuckin' asshole."

Charlie scoffed. "You weren't that brave when I had you on the floor of your little lover's bedroom, fuck stick. You were begging me to stop. You were crying. Begging me not to hurt you anymore as you fuckin' bled on the floor and came all over yourself."

Cutter felt Otis bristle and moved toward Charlie to threaten him again, but Otis was quicker, dealing a swift, forceful kick between Charlie's legs.

"I'm so FUCKING tired of being everyone's goddamn PLAYTHING!" He kicked Charlie again. "I'M A HUMAN TOO! I'M NOT A FUCKING DOLL!" Again, another blow. "JUST BECAUSE I'M A FREAK DOESN'T MEAN I'M ANY LESS THAN YOU! I'M NOT A FUCKING TOY!"

"Otis-" Cutter rested his hand on his shoulder, trying to pull him back to reality before he got too far.

"YOU'RE the freak! You fucking sell women like they're commodities and you have no respect for them as human beings! I've fucking lived that life, too, and you know what?! It's fucking horrible. You act like it's all fan-fucking-tastic because they get to have sex, well it's disgusting! I've been treated like a fucking item all my life and I'm sick of it! NO MORE!" A final swift kick to the balls for Charlie, making him growl in agony.

"Hey, hey. Relax. Calm down." Cutter took Otis by the shoulders, pulling him away. Otis struggled, growling and fighting him off.

"Stop it! I'm not done!"

"Yes you are. What do you have to prove to him, huh?"

"He...John!"

"You don't have a damn thing to prove to anyone, Otis. You don't owe anyone that. Prove it to yourself. Work on it for yourself. Don't waste your energy on him."

"I...Nn..."

"Relax. Come on, let's go."

Leaving Charlie a battered mess on the floor, they left, hand in hand.

They found themselves in a hotel that night, rolling around friskily on the bed. Cutter kissed down Otis's chest, making him moan and rest his hand on the back of the clown's neck.

"Little angel, you're so goddamn good lookin' laying there like that..."

"Mm...J...John..."

"You still hurt?"

Otis nodded. "U-Uhm...I...It's not just that it's...a little fear, too..."

"It's okay. You never have to be afraid with me."

"I know, but..." He gulped. "Is...Is it okay if...If you're...On bottom again...?" Otis's face flushed and he continued in a rush. "Only...For a few times until I get my head straight again I...I know it's not your favorite but I just...I just want you to touch me again I'm so horny and I need you so bad but I can't let you have control right now, please. Please...I want you but I'm so scared...I...I just need to feel in control right now..."

"Like fuckin' hell you'll be top! That shit hurts, you bastard!"

"J...John..."

"You're too goddamn rough!"

"I-I promise I'll be nice...I promise I'll be gentle...Please...I need you but I can't be...dominated right now...Please, John..." He pleaded, letting red eyes twinkle in that way he did when he wanted something. He knew with that look, John would give him whatever he wanted. He didn't usually try to be this manipulative, but he was pulling all the stops.

"Urgh...Why can't I be on top...?"

"My ass still hurts from being fucking RAPED and I'm too scared again."

Falling silent for a moment, Cutter frowned. "Alright...Fine...Fine." He shook his head. Goddammit I hate that you're so fucking...Urgh."

Otis licked his lips. "So fucking what, John?"

"Sexy and...that you can make yourself that adorable when I know just how strong you are, you little cock sucker."

"Hah, I ain't no cock sucker." A frown replaced his devilish smirk as he realized the lie in his statement. "Mm...Fuck it."

"Don't take me from behind. I need to see you like you do for me."

"O...Okay..." Otis let a small smile spread across his cheeks.

"You're gonna be okay, Otis. You'll be okay."

"I ...I will be, yeah..."

"You gonna warm me up like I do for you?" He asked, smirking.

Kissing him slowly, Otis let his hands wander the clown's chest. Cutter felt the younger man's tongue push passed his lips.

"Mmmm...Oh, yes, little angel."

"You ready for me? You think you can take me?"

"Aw, come on. Ain't you gonna love on me some more? You promised you'd be nice."

"You're such a pain in my ass..."

"Hah, usually literally."

If looks could kill, Cutter would have died right there.


	31. Chapter 31

Otis had let it slip to Cutter that there would be no one in the Firefly house except for him. He knew Otis was still traumatized from the incident with Charlie. There was no way he couldn't have been- and he was determined to heal Otis from the inside out this time. Not just fucking away his fear, but making sure it stayed at bay this time.

He pulled up to the ranch house, quietly shutting his car door. He wanted to surprise Otis, a little treat. God knew he deserved it.

He creaked open the door and began to slowly ascend the stairs. Disappointed to find that Otis wasn't in his room, he began to explore the rest of the house. It was a blistering, sunny day, and Otis's car was in the driveway. He wouldn't have walked anywhere.

That sigh. A pained, whimpering sigh Cutter was all too accustomed to hearing when Otis was sore or in pain. He was here- somewhere close. He slowly opened the bathroom door and smirked at the sight before him.

Steam rose out of the water he lay in, head resting on the edge of the tub. The water reached his chest, obscuring the best parts of his physique from view.

"Little Angel..." Cutter whispered. Otis slowly opened his eyes, jumping slightly. "Hey...What's wrong? You hurting?"

"Mm..." Suddenly, Otis drew back. "Wait, how the fuck did you get in here?!"

"You told me there would be no one else here today. I thought I would surprise you."

"Y...How didn't I hear you!?"

"I don't know. I snuck in real quiet. Must not have noticed." He smiled, stroking Otis's face lightly. "So what's goin' on? You hurtin'?"

"Mm..." Otis squirmed. "I'm fine. Just... A little sore yet, is all."

"You wouldn't lie to me, would you?"

"Yes." He smirked. "But I am fine. I'm just...still getting back around from getting wailed on, is all."

"Well, here. Let me help you feel better." Cutter slipped off his shoes and socks, reaching for his belt.

"N-No..." Otis grabbed Cutter's hands. "Don't...Please I..."

"What's wrong?"

"I'm done, let me get out. I'll be right out just-"

"What's gotten into you?"

"Charlie."

"OTIS!"

He flinched back into the water, staring up at Cutter with big doe eyes.

"Not funny. Don't be so cruel to yourself. What you went through isn't a joke."

"I..."

"Now what's wrong? why don't you want me to get in the bath with you, huh?"

"T...Too vulnerable."

"What?"

"I...I'm too vulnerable...I'm naked, John get out."

"I've seen you naked a hundred times, Otis."

"Be...Being naked for sex is different..."

"How?"

"B...Because...I...I...We're getting ready to do it then...I...I want to and that's why...If I'm naked and you want me y...You can just take advantage of me and I can't stop it...Because it's...It's already done."

"Otis..."

"Too vulnerable...Get out, let me get dressed..."

"No. Come on. Sit up."

"Wh...Why?"

"Because I said so. Come on."

Otis obeyed as Cutter undressed, lowering himself in the water.

"Shhhh...Why're you shaking? It's just me."

"Because...I...I can't say no to you..."

"Yes you can. If you don't want it, I won't. You know better than that."

"T...Too vulnerable..."

"Shhhh..." Cutter murmured, pulling Otis against him, gently stroking his arm, letting the droplets race down his flesh.

"Mmm...Shoulders hurt, John..."

"Why?"

"Don't know...Sometimes they do...Just...From getting knocked around a lot, I guess...Musta slept on 'em wrong..."

"Here..." He began to knead Otis's shoulders, but he grimaced.

"Ow...John...Ow! Stop!"

"Shh, okay. Okay. Sorry..."

"Mm...When they hurt like that rubbing them doesn't help...It's in the bone..."

"Okay. I'm sorry..." He kissed Otis's shoulder.

"S...Sorry?"

"Yeah. I didn't want to hurt you. What's wrong? Why're you acting like this?"

"Too vulnerable..."

"We just did something like this, didn't we? We were both naked, but you didn't want sex so we didn't?"

"Y...Yeah, but that was still...We still...It was different."

"Okay." He picked up a washcloth, lathered it, and began swiping it over Otis's chest.

"What're you doing?"

"Washing you off. Is that okay?"

"Y...Yeah..." Otis sighed, nuzzling into Cutter's neck and beginning to relax. "Feels good..."

"Good. I want to make my little angel feel good."

Otis blushed as Cutter's touches began to excite him, holding back a moan here and there. But he couldn't hide the physical evidence.

"That all it takes, huh? A few touches?" Cutter chuckled. "You just love affection..."

"Mm..." Otis's face reddened more as he rested against Cutter's chest.

Shielding Otis's eyes, he began to pour water on Otis's head with his other hand.

"What're you doing?"

"Washing your hair?"

"Why?"

"Just relax. It'll feel good."

"I can wash my own hair."

"I know you can. And you frequently do. But let me, okay?"

"Okay..."

He sighed in appreciation as Cutter massaged his scalp, working the shampoo into a lather and then rinsing the locks.

"Told you it would feel good."

"Mmmm..."

"You have to let me take care of you sometimes. It's okay not to be so fuckin' strong all the time. You know that, right?"

Otis ventured his eyes open.

"It's okay to let other people take care of you. It's okay to be needful."

"I survived on my own."

"I know you did. But it's okay. To need people."

Otis stared at him, fear touching his crimson eyes.

"I need you. And that's okay. You make me happy. And I need you."

"You don't need me, John."

"Yes I do. I love you."

Otis couldn't help the smile growing on his face. "I love you too."


	32. Chapter 32

Cutter ghosted his fingers lightly over Otis's spine, frowning slightly.

"You ain't eatin'."

"Hm?" Otis looked over his shoulder. "Y...Yeah I have."

"You've lost weight."

"How can you tell? You're bullshittin'."

"No. I can see your spine. Start to, anyway. Why haven't you been eating?"

"I have been."

Cutter spread one warm, bear-like hand over Otis's shoulder. He heard him sigh lightly in contentment at the sensation. "Why're you lying to me?"

"I'm not." Otis growled. "I'm fucking eating."

"Then what's gotten you so upset that you're not keeping it down anymore?"

Otis fell silent for a moment. Cutter slowly flipped him onto his back, crawling on top of him. Otis avoided eye contact.

"Hey. Look at me." He took Otis's chin between his thumb and forefinger, forcing Otis's attention. "You can't let yourself back in this cycle again. You have to tell me when you're struggling. I can see it sometimes, but you're so good at hiding it. You don't have to suffer alone anymore. You're NOT alone anymore. And whatever you're going through I want to be there with you. Okay? You...You can't listen to those voices in your head. You are so worth love. And affection. And a real, loving family. You are so deserving. MORE than deserving. You deserve every ounce of love you get. And more. You deserve so much more. You...You are so wonderful. You are intelligent. Beyond any of us here. You're so smart- street smart and book smart. You are the most breathtaking human being I have ever met- appearance wise. God you are gorgeous...But you are also sweet. And kind. And loving in return for what no one has given you your whole life. And for that I would say that you are equally as handsome inside as you are out. You give and give and give to people and all they have ever done is take. It's time for you to take. I love you. Please, stop doing this to yourself. Please...You...You're punishing yourself for what? Things that other horrible people have done to you? That doesn't make sense. For the horrible things they've said to you? That's crazy, Otis. You are not anything they said. You are not worthless. You are not ugly- God knows you're not ugly...You are not a waste. So stop treating yourself like you are."

He stared back silently at the older man, swallowing heavily. "I-I...I'm sorry..."

"What? For what?"

"F...For...I..." He gulped once more. "For being such a mess..."

"Stop it. You're not a mess." He left a sweet kiss on Otis's lips. "And even if you were, I would still love you."

He hopped his words would get through to the albino. But hoping was one thing and seeing was another.

Otis had left the shop a few minutes earlier, saying he was exhausted. He looked it- the poor kid had been sluggish all day and hadn't been entirely to himself. Cutter couldn't wait to get to his home himself and give his lover a nice rub-down, hopefully soothing him into a restful sleep.

"Otis?" he called up the stairs. He heard water running- a shower. "Otis, can you hear me? I got us dinner...Just take out from that Chinese place we like...Hurry up or it'll get cold."

He sat down on the couch, waiting to hear the water turn off. Moments passed and the water still ran.

"Otis?" he climbed the stairs, peeking into the bathroom. No silhouette. Panicking, he ripped the curtain back.

Otis had crumpled at the bottom of the shower, blood staining the water from a split eyebrow where his face had hit the tile. The water had begun to run cold, the hot water tank drained.

"Goddammit! He cursed, pulling Otis out of the shower, hastily drying him off, and then dragging him to their bedroom, wrapping him in blankets to bring his body temperature back up. His skin was ice, and although the albino usually ran cold, this was dangerous. "Hey, come on. Wake up." Cutter stroked his face gently, cupping one warm hand on his cheek and stroking gently with his thumb. "Come on...come around, little angel. Let's see those eyes."

"Hnn..." He whimpered, shivering. "John...?"

"Yeah. It's me. Come on. Let's get around more."

"Cold..."

"Yeah, I'll bet you are." He drew Otis into his arms. "It's okay. Come here." He held Otis until he stopped shivering, then untangled himself from the smaller man, sitting beside him on the bed. "You wanna tell me how you ended up like that?"

"Slipped."

"Is that why the bath mat wasn't moved and you're not bruised anywhere else?"

"Shit..."

"Mm-hm. How long has it been since you've eaten?"

Otis sighed irritably, paused a moment, then answered. "5 days..."

"FIVE D-" Cutter stopped himself, seeing Otis flinch. "Ok. That's not good, Otis. You need to eat and you need to keep it down. I know you're struggling with something. But you need to try and fight it. You can't just give up and let it take over you. You're a fighter. You've fought your whole life. You can fight this and win."

"I'm tired of fighting, John..." He whimpered. "When can I rest...?"

"When you've won, little angel. But now you have people on your side. So buck up and soldier on. You've got a war to win." He smiled softly, squeezing Otis's hand. "Don't give up...Please don't give up."

Otis nodded. "Okay..."

"I'm going to go down and heat up our food. Then we're going to play a little game, okay?"

"Game?" Otis quirked an eyebrow.

"Yeah. You just lie back and relax." He smirked as he walked through the door.

It wasn't long before he came back with a tray of food and some other supplies.

"Okay. Just relax. I'm not going to really tie you."

"Hnn...?" Otis asked sleepily as he was roused from a nap. Cutter gently tied his hands to to the headboard. Tight enough that he was reminded he was restrained, but if he really wanted to, he could get himself free. "John..." He whined. "I don't like this."

"Mm...I know. But you just have to trust me, okay?" He chuckled. "Now. I brought your food up. But I'm not going to give you any sugar until you eat."

"Johnnnnn..." Otis whined.

"So, every time you take a bite, I'll give you a kiss. Fair?"

"No."

"Too bad. Open up."

Otis hesitated. Cutter had ordered his favorite- a spicy chicken dish with broccoli on the side, knowing it would tempt Otis. Reluctantly, Otis took the bite of food, chewing and swallowing. Cutter moved to put another bite on the fork. "Hey! I get a kiss!"

"Mm-hm." Cutter pecked Otis lightly on the lips.

"Awww...Is that it?" He whimpered. "No fair."

"You ate one piece of broccoli. You're lucky you got a reward at all."

"Mm..."

Otis ate his entire meal before slumber began to overcome him.

"Damn, I didn't even get laid tonight..." He grumbled as Cutter undid his restraints. Otis rubbed at his chaffed wrists.

"Mm. You not dying was more important.

"I wasn't going to die."

"Tell ya what. If you make it through the night without puking up your dinner, I'll give you not one, but two rounds in the morning."

"You're on."

"Mm. I figured I was." Cutter chuckled, pulling Otis close to lay on his chest. Otis sighed contentedly. "You were right."

"About what?"

"You're not a hard person to please."


	33. Chapter 33

Cutter frowned at his reflection in the mirror, rubbing his hands over his protruding stomach. If Otis was so concerned about gaining weight, what did he think of Cutter's figure? Did he find Cutter fat? Did he think that he was unattractive? Come to think of it, Otis had never called Cutter handsome or sexy or anything indicating he found him visually appealing. Then again, maybe Otis simply wasn't that kind of person. He certainly needed to be reminded. But that was because his parents had pounded into him since he could understand speech that he was ugly, worthless, a monster, horrid, disgusting and vile. Cutter had had a loving family. He had never questioned his appearance. Until now. Now that he had seen Otis struggle so much. He wondered if it was normal male behavior. Something he had missed out on. Or was he simply unattractive and hadn't realized it? Did Otis not find him appealing? Was that why he had never complimented him? Because he had never found anything to compliment? Or was it because he needed the attention so badly he just hadn't thought that others might?

Sighing, He ran his hand over his stomach once again, blowing out his cheeks, resembling a puffer fish.

He felt long, slender arms reach around his middle.

"John? Why're you frowning? What's wrong?"

He met Otis's eyes in the mirror, then quickly glanced away.

"Johnny? Why're you frowning? What'd I do?"

"Nothin', little angel."

"What's wrong, Johnny?" He kissed his shoulder, then nuzzled into it. "You're lookin' so sad..."

"Thinkin' about losin' some weight."

"No..." Otis smiled into his shoulder, gently caressing his stomach, taking his hand in his. "I love your fat parts as much as I love the rest of you. You're my big teddy bear. How could you be my big teddy bear if you're skinny? I like you fat."

Cutter spun on his heel, turning to face Otis. Fire touched his eyes, but the smaller albino didn't notice it.

"What?" The clown dared.

"I...I said I like you-"

"I know what you said, you fucking moron!" Cutter roughly shoved him away. "If I said that to you you would probably kill yourself. Or starve yourself for weeks or something else fucking stupid! What the fuck makes you think that it's okay for you to say to me?! You really fucking think I'm fat?!"

Otis stammered, beginning to tremble.

"I know I am. Goddammit at least I'm not fucking anorexic like you! I can't believe you said that to me. You fucking ungrateful shit. All I do for you and help you through and you say that shit to me."

"Johnny, I didn't mean-"

"Don't fucking 'Johnny' me! You're trying to weasel your way out of this by being cute! Goddamn, Otis! What else do you think about me, huh?! You think I'm poor? That I can't...Provide for my family? For you? What else do you think of me? You think I'm a fucking wash up?! You think my business is a joke?! Because I gave you a job when no one else would! You think any fucking where else would have hired an albino?! With long hair to boot?! And those fucking sideburns?! You're out of your fucking mind. You wouldn't have ANYTHING if it wasn't for me! Ungrateful FUCK!" He enunciated his proclamation with a hard slap to Otis's face.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry..." Otis murmured, carefully grazing his fingers over the now burning hand print, tears stinging his eyes.

"Get the fuck away from me." He spat. Otis clamored away, out of Cutter's sight.

He sat, steaming for a moment. Otis confirmed Cutter's fears- he didn't find him attractive. He did think he was fat- enough to say it more than once.

As he cooled, he realized, however, what Otis had been trying to say. He had said he liked him fat, yes. But he had meant that he found him attractive no matter his weight. That he loved him regardless of his weight. He hadn't been trying to insult him. But Cutter had flown off the handle, not thinking. Not listening. Hearing what he wanted to hear like he always did. How all of their fights started.

Sighing, he rose from the couch and called out. "Otis? Where are you?" He knew when they fought, Otis often hid. He couldn't blame him. Their fights had previously ended with Otis covered with bruises on his alabaster skin. Or shaking in a corner begging Cutter not to hurt him.

Cutter sighed. God, how could he think he was good for this kid? All he did was hurt him. Scare him.

He also healed him. Made him have more confidence. Gave him the affection he so desperately needed. Deserved. Craved.

"Otis? Come on, little angel. Come see me." He searched the rooms of his house, then, working his way through the closets and finally finding Otis crouched in the corner of a closet in their bedroom. "Hey...Come on." He reached out to the trembling albino, taking his arm and helping him up and out of the cramped space. "I need to talk to you."

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have said-"

"No. Stop. I'M sorry. You were trying to compliment me and trying to be nice and loving and I took it and spun it. I...Was upset. Because I see you struggling with your weight and your image and I wonder what you think of me. And then you said that and I worried you thought I wasn't good enough for you. "

"Of course I think you're attractive, asshole..." He muttered.

"Okay. Well...You need to hear that, right? You need to hear me say that. And you need reassurance. And that's okay. I'm more than willing to do that for you. But sometimes I need that too."

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry I'm selfish, I-"

"Stop it. It's okay. You have been through so much. SO much. You deserve to take what you get and run with it because you deserve to be loved and told that. I just...Need to be told that too, sometimes. Y'know? Everyone does. So it's okay that you need it. Don't be ashamed by that. Don't beat yourself up over it. I love you. I will tell you what you need me to to make you feel better. And not just because of that. Because it's true."

"...You hit me, you fucking asshole."

"I know...I know. I'm sorry." Cutter gently kissed his injured cheek. "Mm...I'm sorry. I love you."

"I love you too..."

"What you said...Uhm...Was actually really sweet. When I think about it."

"Is that why I got fucking slapped for it?"

"I told you...I took it the wrong way and flipped i-" Before he could finish his sentence, he felt a burning on his cheek. Otis recoiled his hand slowly.

"Now we're even."

"I deserved that."

"Yes you did."

"I'm sorry. Come here." He pulled Otis to the bed, lying down with him and wrapping his arms around his thin frame. "I know you're struggling right now. I know you're going through hell still. And you're going to have good days and bad days. But I'm going to be here for them. And I know you require more than I do. Affection wise. Attention wise. And That's okay. But I require some too. I just need you to know that."

"I'm sorry..." Otis muttered, crimson eyes begging for forgiveness as he snuggled into Cutter's chest.

"I know. We'll work on it. Okay? We both will."

Otis nodded, sighing contentedly at the sensation of Cutter's strong arms around him.


End file.
